hi..

my WW spent the night with us..she did some cooking...5 dishes at same time...as usual..after all these years i do the dishes..imagine for 5 dishes how much i have to wash..we don't have diswashing machine and i prefer it that way..

while in the kitchen she said i ...the OM should start learning how to do dishes...i said to myself...good luck...i am sensing that the OM will be in a lot pressure when he starts living with my W full time..

at this point...i still have this urge of letting her go...past few months i noticed how strong i am...looking after my kids at same time..

...tell me how can i put pressure in their affair without her noticing it?

thanks

IsThisTheTime ,

I think your wife is treating you with great disrespect. But you are taking it and as long as she can do this she will!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You asked how you can put pressure in their affair??? Well why would you want to do ssuch a thing???? Honestly.

Let her do that on her own. I would go for a straight Plan B and let her get what she thinks she wants. Pressure will come on it's own and she doesn't have to discuss what the OM has to learn, with you. She can tell that to him personally and he's gonna luv it!!!!!
That must really hurt......gosh, I'm devasted. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

You are stronger than you think, you are just not seeing that. If your wife was so strong, why is still coming around and talking to you about OM??? Why isn't she with him as she is telling you??? She taking the best of both sides. Just don't give her yours anymore until she really knows what she wants.

Sorry, this is very harsch, but it makes me mad to see how some BS get treated.

I hope I am not off road with your situation.

take care
bb

thanks BB..

strong point...i am planning an all out plan B at this timet.. but want to do it nice and slow without causing too much damage to my kids..

thanks again..

IsThisTheTime ,

I wasn't sure how you were going to react. Is there such a thing as a slow PLAN B???
I do understand though that when children are involved, this does get difficult.

I was just thinking though, that since you have been in a good PLAN A for awhile, you wouldn't need to do anything slowly.
You would be PLAN Bing for your sake, so that you don't get hurt anymore and that you can restore the love that you have.

I don't think that PLAN B can be done nicely or badly, it is something you do for yourself and it is helping you not to get hurt any longer.It is setting a boundary and it is hardly something that can be done easily.

You wife would just not have the choice any longer to keep up with treating you in a disrespectfull way anymore.You might consider that.
The children will always be a part of this, whether you decide to go into PLAN B now or later.
They are experiencing your wife's behaviour now and believe me, they acknowledge more than you would ever imagine.
It's all a matter of you doing this with class and style and yet staying persistant. It's a matter of you drawing the line and saying what you will except or not in a calm and respectfull way.

Your wife is not going to like this whether it's now or later, it's just not comfortable. You have so much strength, it is just up to you to realize your strength and the power that you have.
Have trust in yourself.

take care
bb

hi BB..

please spend sometime reading my postings...3 of them aside from this one all in this forum....

my eldest daughter burst in tears
how can i tell her i don't need to know him

and

to love her is to let her go

after reading ALL of these tell me your comments..i will take it seriously

thanks

IsThisTheTime ,
I have been following your story. I truely understand how confusing and hurting this is for all of you, mostly the children.
I just think that if you decide to draw a straight line and begin to go on with your life, your wife will have to wake up and think what she really wants.

The kids know that they can relay on you. This is what is important. They will feel sad no matter what but it gives children a safe feeling knowing that someone is there and will be there no matter what. This is what they need. They need to feel protected and safe, then they will be able to cope with many things.
I am saying this because I too am a problem family child. I just wasn't that fortunate to have someone to protect me and make me feel safe, therefore I know what is important. I did find people other than my family but I just wished it would of been at least one of my parents. It doesn't matter if you are the natural father or not, this isn't what matters.
You are the person that your children look up to and trust, this is all that counts.

I still believe that a strict PLAN B would be the right thing!!!! It is just very important to make the rules for children visitation and that they can keep contact with their mother at all times. This was your W will have NO reason to get mad with you. If she really knows what she wants, it will not matter to her if she sees you or not.
She will be able to have all the contact she wishes with her children if it fits into your plans. But I think it is time for you to set up the rules.

And it might really give your wife the "wake up" call she needs.

I have never suggested to anyone in MB to go to PLAN B, but this is my opinion when I read your story.

take care
bb

Please go to Plan B and strongly consider getting counseling from Steve Harley. You badly need to protect yourself and your children. The children should still see their mother while you are in Plan B. They can talk on the phone, she can come and pick them up, etc without you having to see her. She should not be allowed to go and shack up with various men and then come home with no consequences when the spirit moves her.

But with the way this going, she has no motivation to change. She knows she can tromp all over you and the kids as much as she likes without any consequences. It is terrible for your kids to witness this injustice. And terrible for you to experience it. There are numerous Plan B letters on this forum that you get ideas from and I would suggest sending one asap.

thanks...

plan B wil ROLL

Please don't forget to keep us updated. If you need someone to talk to, we are here!!!

take care
bb

hi..

can you just please re-direct me to sample letter of plan B...

thanks

IsThisTheTime

you might want to go over to the "Recovery" board. You'll get alot more responses!!!

Just Write something like::URGENT!!!! PLAN B LETTER!!!!!HELP!!!!!!

I hope you are ok.

take care
bb