had to take out

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 03:57 AM: Message edited by: cheese ]</small>

Not knowing your situation and what these terrible things are that you have said and done, I cannot judge if you are just beating yourself up here or have really done something out of line.

Could you elaborate? For example, what is this about?

The only thing he's been showing me is how wrong Ive been in continually prying into your business, in not trusting you, in condemning you and critisising you, in thinking the worst of everything situation.

How have you been prying into his business?
Why have you felt a need to do this?

Zorweb
You do know me, this is another name from my usual. I emailed you asking for prayer a few days ago.

i cant give out much info.

Cheese

Bump

Please, can anyone offer encouragement or advice?

bump

has anyone got any advice or encouragement?

Honestly? My initial reaction to your letter is that you are sounding very needy. And I'm pretty certain that is NOT the message you'd like to give. Am I right?

I'm thinking that you should be more confident in your words about yourself. You are, as zorweb said, beating yourself down. That's not very attractive.

I'm on my way out of the house in a few minutes... but I did want to read this first, especially after your post to me. Return the favour, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care, and I'll try and give more specifics on possible changes later.

Karen

Hi Topie, I sent you an email.

Yes. I understand it sounds a bit needy, but I am desperate not to get a divorce and I know he doesnt really want to do it either. Ive been feeling really settled and great from having no contact the past 10 days with H. Honestly, if staying separated meant never seeing him again, I can do it. Im at a point where I dont see remarriage as an option and I believe in reconciliation after divorce too. I'll take any advice you have, thanks for taking the time.

Cheese

I'm starting to get tired, but I've re-read your letter a few times over now. And my personal opinion, is that you should start from scratch.

I'm thinking, that a more appropriate letter might be one with plenty of specific examples. I think you should focus on the positive of your R with H. It is good that you are aware of your inconsistencies and bad behaviour towards your H as well, but maybe you should use some specifics there too? And come right out and apologize for doing what you (specifically) did, and admit that you were wrong.

You're also dancing around the actual D issue. All I can read from your letter is that you really don't know what you want. You need to be assertive (not agressive or passive), and come out and tell your H that you don't want a D b/c of a,b,c. And then tell him that you understand his need to be separated from you b/c of your actions of d,e,f, etc. And that you are requesting that he leave things the way they are, for the time being.

I hope I'm not sounding too harsh here. I am quite tired, and I lose my patience at this time of night (it's almost 10pm my time)... so I apologize if I've been too abrupt.

Let me know what you think about my comments. Let me have it! I can take it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen