OK,
This is weird. I sent my wife an email last Thurday night afetr talking saying I want to be there for her no matter if W or EX. I also stated I would not look to revoke RO ot of respect for her. I also said that maybe mutually we could agree to just remove the phone/email/letter part so we could talk of divorce and our D.........well today I got an email. Not much though.....kinda simple. Kind of like telephone conversations. I laways end with I't been nice talking to you, I love you, goodbeye. Once in ahile I get a bye from her, but usually just a hangup. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Email today 2nd since spilt) First since she filed 9-16 It said as follows.

Alan-please pay this balance to ebay. $15.02

WOW! I can't believe she emailed anything!!! I did not email back.

Anyway........does anyone make anything out of it? Or is it just a fluke?

Sounds a little like the first email I got out of my H after over 2 mos of no contact. He too needed something financially related.

At the time I got all worked up and though "ooh, progress!" but looking back on it, it wasn't really. He just needed something done, and contacting me by email was the only way to take care of it quickly.

Sorry to not be more encouraging, but I think she just wants you to pay the 15 bucks to ebay.
Don't look too deeply into it.

JB

Thanks,
No I'm not really dwelling on it. I'm looking at she is kind of thinking that we can mutually agree to SOME contact now.....after none. This added to telephone feels pretty good. Maybe she will start to come around a little. I still will not contact her and she will be wondering why not. One thing about my W she is ssoooooooooo curious.

Anyway, not putting too much weight on it, but it was nice to have her contact me even as little as that. Boy, does that show my desperation or what????LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

AlanArthur,

As always in plan A, no expectation. Just pay the bill first and then ask back a few days after ..."I paid it, just curious, what did you buy ?." Short but keep the contact open. You can't initiate contact but if she does, you should respond to it ... after one or two days. Hey, it is nice you put your energy into the website ( your other post). Get busy !. You know she will contact you again.

-rh-

I read your post and you mention a RO and how you wont revoke it out of respect of your WW. Is this a restraining order based on something substantial? I know from personal experience that RO's are nothing to mess with, they can and will have a lasting effect on anything you do in the future.

If you could give me a few more details, I'll let you know what it has the potential of doing.

redhat,

I think the question is "what did AA buy?"

I suppose AA really SHOULD be responsible for his own bills....ya think?!

If she had purchased something, she would have surely paid for it herself and not initiated contact unnecessarily. Just my opinion.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ November 06, 2002, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

yes it was a bill from ebay for something I sold when we were together.......of course the money I recieved was "ours" and the bill should be "ours". No big deal I will pay it.

What I was trying to say here is that she had gotten that small bill before and nevr contacted me. We have others "mail", but I have yet to hear about those. I just can't beleive she broke her E-mail silence!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ba109:
<strong>redhat,

I think the question is "what did AA buy?"

I suppose AA really SHOULD be responsible for his own bills....ya think?!

If she had purchased something, she would have surely paid for it herself and not initiated contact unnecessarily. Just my opinion.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AA bought line of communication ! .... they have not have communication for a long time 'till lately. Second, AA did the oposite what "old AA" would do !. ba109, you could be right but you will be Dv !.

If she had purchased something, she would have surely paid for it herself and not initiated contact unnecessarily. Just my opinion.
Exactly !!!!. The fact that she didn't for that small of a bill, I call it pinging. She ping AA to see his reaction and if it ok to continue contact after what she said to her mom.

Listen, ba109, Judy is a giver snap that had given every single chance to Alan to fix the M. Now AA has to show that he is a changed man and willing. AA has to presisit, patience and consistant w/ his action. It sound like a complete doormat, yes it is, It sound like desparate, he is ... however if AA hits the right note on Judy's view and presist and make it as a habit, AA will have a chance. By plan A for a few weeks, the line of communication is opening up. He should not change what works !. The only thing I agree w/ everyone else is AA should be patience to watch the seed that he has plant to grow.

I know you are one of the poster that try to hit AA w/ 2x4 on his actions. Yes, he persues her, he should otherwise he will viewed as giving up. He smothers her, he has to !, he has not been doing that for a long time and fillin her EN of appreciations & affections. Now I agree that AA should not do it over board. AA has done a good job of showing that he is changing and regardless of this M, he will stick by her. Shifting the focus from desparation of Dv to working on M & self !. I agree that AA should not initiate contact but if Judy initiate it, he has to plan A the best he can.

Cards & small gifts should continue w/ the same frequency, once a week not more.

One question for you personally, which one do you prefer ... your WS comes back b/c WS has nowhere to go (let them hit the rock bottom mentality and hope OP wasn't ready to take over) or your WS comes back b/c of "new" you ?. Just my 2¢.

-rh-

redhat,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She ping AA to see his reaction and if it ok to continue contact after what she said to her mom. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, she simply asked him to pay an outstanding bill that he incurred. She kept the message as short as possible.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know you are one of the poster that try to hit AA w/ 2x4 on his actions. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's actually a whiffle bat. I don't mean to hurt anyone, just knock some common sense into them.

AA? One lump or two? (just kidding)

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yes, but there are larger bills. Why this one. Es[ecially after months of NO emails. Just testing the water?

Dear AA:
I think you shouldn't worry too much about interpreting the meaning right now. Her thinking is irrationally in the fog. But, the fact that she DID make contact gives you an opportunity to work on your Plan A. If you are still in Plan A - then I would pay the bill, then follow up by email reply in few days, as was suggested to you in an earlier post. You could let her know you paid it, and ask her to make sure the account balance shows it -- or something like that. If she actually goes to check, she will be thinking about you. Make the love bank deposits that you can right now, avoid love busters - that's your best way to work on Plan A.
Big hugs to you
Terri

Thanks Terri,
I paid it and a couple of her "living" expenses. Not because I had too, but because I wanted to. I expect nothing in return. Feeling really good lately. I know she is in pain and I must be patient.