HI!! It has been 3 years since I last read or posted here. To make a very long story short my H and I serperated 3 years ago on October 22, 1999. I had an affair w/ H BF. He could not forgive me, and dealt with it by having an affair with OW at his work. They have been together since. H still to this day will not tell exactly how he feels for me. He says things to the effect that we are different people now-wont work-but we talk 2-5 times per week now. Only on the phone because his GF has a fit if she finds out we are speaking. I know what i want-my family back-but I feel like everything I do is wrong. I have no one I can really talk to. After about three years friends say GET OVER IT!!!They are probably right, but I feel something in me saying that its not over yet. Maybe because we talk alot??I feel hurt still when I hear songs, certain happy memories. It was my fault. How could I have done this to someone I was supposed to stand beside forever. I don't think i can heal because I dont have his forgiveness-if i had his forgivness we would be together. I love H now and always have. That fog is very powerfull-BUT IT IS NOT REAL!!!I am having an emotional day, and thought maybe someone could talk, give some good advice.

You say if you had his forgiveness you would be together?

I forgave my ex for cheating on me....but I cant get over the trauma he placed into my life. I am even trying to be together again with him even tho we're divorced....but its almost too hard to bear. It's been a year since seperation almost to the day now.

It sounds like your ex still has feelings for you and loves you. He has moved on yet he doesnt want to give up his ties to you. Until he's not with this other woman...he wont be able to come back to you if that's what he wants.

unfortunately for you...I think this is what the mean when people talk about charma.

Gosh darn, sounds like my story. Did we talk way back in 1999?

Are you divorced? I see seperated, but not divorced?

That does say something, I think.

If you are officially 'standing' for your marriage to this man, get some books at the Christian book store (though it's not an entirely Christian concept, the books and info are most prevelent in religious bookstores, that I've seen - used to work in one!). Read about Patty and Gavin McCloud (he was the captain on the Love Boat, remember?) and stay strong in your belief.

If you are standing and he is moving, you have a few choices.

Keep standing and wait.
Keep standing and work on yourself while you wait.
Get moving alone.
Get moving in his direction.

My ex-H did the same as yours and he ended up all over the page, but mostly with a woman he met at his church. I was so darned tired that the LAST thing I wanted to do was stand for the marriage. I didn't. We divorced, he's still wtih OW, and I met someone pronto and got married again. Looking back, wasn't the wisest move I coulda made, but I got lucky. My husband is a sweetheart. The interesting thing is that my ex-H decided to stand. He *says* he's still standing, although he has had a few girlfriends - and that is NONE of my concern, but I do find it interesting.

So, you're feeling blue today... so if I were you, I'd make a PLAN. What does your husband have to offer you? What do you have to offer him? Do you have children?

Just a few thoughts on this gloomy humpday...