I'm finding that life is way to serious at the moment. I need to find a way to live where every day is fun. I'm not talking about finding things to do, I'm pretty good at that with going diving, bellydancing and all that stuff. What I'm talking about is the everyday. Where each day is a joy in itself, not because you did something extra special, but just because it is.

I guess I'm referring to the attitude towards life where life is "fun" or at least not so serious. Everytime I interact with H its so serious, even sometimes with friends I'm like this and it must be a real turn off. I'm sick of it myself, so probably others are too.

Is this detachment? Is it about learning to separate the "****" that's happening to you from you. I don't understand how to do it or what to do. I feel stuck. Does anyone know what I'm talking about or does this sound too stupid?

Yeah, Right, you think you are the only one.

It has been my experiance that these times come and go in our lives ( remember, I am old.)

I have had them last for about a year when I thought I would be in the middle of a big lawsuit for a few years. ( I would have taken someone to court to recover some property) It was hard to go to work, hard to laugh with my family, hard to think about anything else. I know it is not the same as what you are suffering from, but I believe we all have these times. You do learn to cope with them, and you someday will feel better. In my case, The other party and I would argue two or three times a week, and I was left wondering what would happen in between. It turned out OK, but I had nightmares for a long time about it.

I am rembering now, and I want to stop. I think by the time we get out of life, we all experiance what you have been feeling at least one time. You really will get to a place where you will be happy and have fun again, where you will wake up and be happy for the day, not dread it.

I know I have said this before, but have a little faith, have some hope. I know it has been a long time for you, but you will make it to a better place and time.
And for what it's worth, happy birthday again.
SS

<small>[ November 06, 2002, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Seahorse -- I know what you mean and I find myself having multiple days where this is a problem. The one thing that really helps me in this regard is that every day I try to look for something small to find joy in even if it seems trivial. I try to make sure I ask how the grocery check out person is doing or I smile at somebody on the street. So many people have so many problems that part of the way I try to lift my own spirits is to try and lift somebody else's.

The other thing I try and do when I'm having one of these stuck days is to literally write out at least five things I am thankful for that day.

I'm thinking about you. I know it's hard to be serious all the time. I'll post you some jokes here next. I know jokes won't take away the pain, but at least you can chuckle for a few minutes today.

<small>[ November 06, 2002, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: unsureheart ]</small>

Seahorse,

It will be okay. You're not going to be like this forever. Are you on Meds? You may be suffering from depression. Just a thought.

BUT......

I went through this too. It was really beginning to feel like what was happening, my feelings, would overshadow the rest of my life.

I am pretty much out of it now. It comes back sometimes mildly, sometimes with a vengence. But it seems to fade faster each time. Keep doing things that you enjoy, give service to others. Count your many blessings. When you REALLY think of it, and believe me I know it is hard with all the +*%@ in your life, we have SO MANY blessings. Try to focus on others and how you can brighten their day. Like UNSURE says. Smile, do a kind deed, etc.

I did these things, I didn't really expect to start feeling better but it just happened. I do remember that it got worse before it got better. Kind of a bottoming out. It also helped me to think of ALL the WORST POSSIBLE THINGS that could happen. Face them. When you look at them face to face they become less scary, serious, and some of the blah starts to lift. Put on your ARMOUR everyday. Start to think of your strong points. Pray for the strength of the Lord in your weaknesses.

I don't know how it happened but days started to get better. Little by little I just felt BETTER. I almost look back now and can't believe I worried so much that I'd always feel that way. Sadness is like happiness. They are not lasting emotions. We choose them inside. We have to recapture them. CHOOSE to recapture HAPPINESS. Look around you and find the hidden beauty that is there. I remember after 9/11 I was driving my car home and I saw two little birds playing in a puddle on the side of the road. I just started bawling, not because I was sad, but because it was so beautiful. Two stupid birds. But beauty and joy are all around us.

Take care,

Sharon

Seahorse,

Remember that you have had a traumatic year. It takes its toll on a young soul. On any soul.......

Life is too short to spend it all stressed out. Yes, the A impacts our lives and makes us angry that we have even spent a second in such a state. I feel like I wasted my time.....well over 2 years! YUCK.

Now I can brood about the lost time or pick myself up by and move forward. You know when I look back, there is warped humor in all their A stupidness. I was even able to laugh at their silly antics and did so in both their ears. WS in his face and OW on the phone. It felt good.

Then I made it my aim to find something to laugh about each day. Somedays it was harder than others. Then others learned to help me when I was down. I learned not to take the A stuff too seriously and am glad I did.

Laughter is good medicine and it's free.

Take a dose each day.....it's good for keeping the wrinkles away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Seahorse,

I understand what you mean. I think this will pass and get better within time. I still have my ups and downs and right now, I also feel that I am much too serious.
This got me smiling the whole day yesterday and I'm just giggling right now too!!!!!

Snow White was taking a walk in the forest. She met Pinocchio. Immediately, she ripped off her panties, sat on his nose and screached:
Pinocchio, come on LIE!!! LIE!!! LIE!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

opps, I hope I'm not off track, but I think that when we have things to make us laugh inside, everything else will get better too. So I love to read jokes. When I tell them to my H we both have something to laugh about.

I remember once, someone wrote a thread and told the following story: (well something like this)

A couple decided to go shopping. So they headed for the mall. When they got to the parking lot, the H said, he would stay outside as he needed to fix his car. So his wife went shopping.

When she was finished and was heading for the car, she saw a whole crowd of people standing around their car.

So she hurried and when she arrived to the car, she saw a pair of males legs in shorts, sticking out from under the car.
The shorts had slided so far up that "the private parts" were fully displayed!!!!!

So the wife just bent down, stuffed "the private parts" back under the shorts and as she stood up again, she was looking into her H eyes!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Her H replyed: Well I had to get the car mechanic!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This still makes me laugh. And it really helps me to cheer up!!!!

Hope this helps a little and I hope you don't think I'm a goof!!! (well I am at times)
take care
bb

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 03:27 AM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

Hi Seahorse,

How about starting a Grateful Journal, like the kind Oprah talks about a lot. I did have one some time ago, and left it alone in my despair. But I am going to get one started again, because what it does, is MAKES you look for things in your daily life that you can be grateful for.

Each day you write a minimum of five things in your journal....ie:

I am grateful for the perfect weather today.

I am grateful for the love of my children.

You get the idea.

It does work, because it makes you think positively and it becomes a record of beautiful memories, which you can look back on and appreciate the good things in your life.

Love and light,

Jacky

Hi Liz - I'm not sure I can personally identify with what you're describing. I'll bet it's normal cycles we all go through, perhaps some with more amplitude than others.

I see nothing but a positive future for you. You're young and energetic and you've got a good lump on your shoulders.

Will you marry me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously, I attempt to maintain my positive outlook on life by trying to find some humor and fun in everything I do. Even work can be fun if we remember that no matter what happens today, the sun will still come up tomorrow. Sure, some days I've wondered why the sun didn't know NOT to come up - because things were so bad. But it did.

Lighten up. There's more to life than eat, drink, wash, fold. But you know this.

Maybe this can work for you. Always be on the lookout for a chance to make a joke or draw an irreverent association between every day occurences. Be willing to laugh at yourself. Self depricating humor disarms adversaries and humbles our egos.

So, you set the date..................

Dave

Seahorse,
I remember feeling absolutely brittle, like if I did anything more than what absolutely had to be done I'd fly into a million pieces.

I went through a period where I used to wish I could talk to someone, anyone, without crying.

I also remember when my sense of humor came back. I could always say funny stuff, but even when it was funny, I didn't feel light-hearted or any sense of enjoyment?

The other night H & I met some of his co-workers (not the FOW) at a bar. H was very lovey to me and someone asked how long we've been married, H said "20 years next summer" and I hugged him and said, "It's been the best 10 years of our lives."

Obviously that came straight from the mouth and didn't pass through the thinking part of my brain <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> !

But H laughed, hugged back and said, "oh, yeah, some of those years were doozies."

And the friends started telling funny incidental stories about "bad times".

2-4 years ago, if I had said that, it would have been out of meanness, H would have gone cold stone silent or walked out and/or I would apologetically pleading and been in tears.

So, I think where you are right now, not feeling any joy in life is a stage of hurt and healing, or contemplation.

I think if you continue to do the things that you formerly enjoyed or think you would or should enjoy, the actual enjoyment will come back to you.

I remember good times in the worst of times, not sure I enjoyed some of it at the time, like Disney World between our 5th & 6th separations, but Disney is an overall great memory (the separations, are...not).

There isn't anything wrong with being serious. One thing you can do is to ask the people you are being serious with about themselves, if others are talking, you are listening, they are less likely to wonder about your seriousness. With your H, ask him what the best part of his day was and save some good/fun/light thing to tell him.