July 2001 my wife had an Affair and she broke it off with the guy, I knew something was going on but I had no proof. After she broke it off with this guy he started calling me over and over and gave me all the details (Very explicit details). I did not let her know about all of the calls and what was said she felt I was shoving it in her face
I ended up getting privacy director so I would not accept his calls any more.
I Love my wife very much and she does love me and is very sorry and remorseful for the affair.
I do not talk to anyone about the affair, it just eats me up inside. I love her and want to get over it but there are so many things that keep going thru my head at times it just consumes me.
Does anyone know how I can get over this and will this pain ever go away.
Please help me

I think it's important that you talk about it and get it out. This site is a really good place for that. I just started posting yesterday but have been coming here since July. My husband's A started in April and is still going on. There is a 7 hour distance so it's mainly phone/email. He won't give her up and so I'm in Plan A now.

I also go to a counselor and have told my parents and sisters and it helps to get it out. I need to keep it in when I'm with my H or it's a big LB. So I guess at home I pretend that everything is fine for the most part...it's actually not hard for me to do. But when I'm at work or just have time for my thoughts to wander it's always there in my mind.
If I wasn't able to talk to anyone about it I'd be in big trouble. Some days I go to my counselor and I'm crying before I can even talk.

I think you're in a good situation where you both love each other and are working on your marriage. It's going to take time to get over the pain and my guess is it will never go away completely. But if you read here there are tons of stories of people who have recovered from affairs and have even stronger marriages.

I dont know that the pain ever goes away...I think it just fades. I caught my ex a year ago almost to the day cheating on me. I divorced him. I went back to him after it was final to try to work things out. The pain was too unbearable. I couldnt be a good "wife" or woman to him because of the hurt. I decided that wasnt best for him nor I. I do like to take care of my family and my spouse....but I hurt too much to be that way with him. it's been a year for me...and I dont see the pain going away anytime soon. Wish I knew how to get the emptiness outta the pit of my stomach. so if ya find out please let me know too.

Inthesky,

Are you getting marriage counseling? I highly recommend it as a way to work through the pain and get the marriage back on track. What is your real goal? Yes, to alleviate the pain. But one of the ways to do that is also work on making the relationship between the TWO of you the best that it can be. A good intimate marriage goes a long way toward getting rid of the pain.

I too found out painful details from the OW. What a bas**rd that guy was to do that. That adds to the pain and probably your recovery time. BUT, it's not impossible. I think two years is an average time for things to settle down. And that's with professional help.

At some point you DO have to work on accepting the past for what it is, making a choice, and then if that choice is to stay, work on the present and the future. It takes some effort for both you and your W. Good luck to you. And please keep posting. I find these boards to be very therapeutic in my road to recovery.

SS

consider me another member of the counseling band wagon. It is always good to let some of this pain out. To have another perspective. To process it and to heal from it. Otherwise you can't move on and it becomes an untreated infection.