You guys are hilarious......ever think of The MB Comedy Troupe?

Come on guys......I have on the bullet proof vest....hit me with the bats.

AA, sometimes a little humor helps a lot. I think it helps everyone. It surely is nice for me to be able to laugh. For awhile, I didn't think I ever would again. It feels great.

I am sorry but this will be my last post to you. I hope you make the right decisions. I am no expert by any means and my advice may be worthless. But I will expend my energies trying to help others.

I really wish you would look back at a lot of my earlier posts as TORO. It has only been two months and a lot has changed for me, b/c my attitude has changed. I've tried to explain it to you as best I can. Until you live it I guess you will never know what an incredible feeling it is to love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally.

Take Care and good luck.

HW (formerly TORO)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AlanArthur has a very unattractive personality. As someone posted before, he has, very predictably, said he is not going to post for a while; but he has already broken this. He will post another thread in a very dramatic and huge attention grabbing way any moment. He incessantly attention seeking (we would need a RO to stop him from posting several times a day). He comes across as very weak and needy, uncontrolled, unrestrained, saying he is going to do one thing, but breaking this resolution and going overboard the next minute. As with most things he does with his wife, he will come back and post every hour that he 'must not and will not post'. If, for instance, we get a retrieval of his posting privileges, he will reason 'we don't really mean it; the site managers made us do it' and come back and post under a new name.

He wants to have the car as the next reason to break RO.

I should like to challenge him to have enough control to not post for three days.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK Relate.......one minute your mean the next your nice the next your mean WAZZZZZZZZZZUP?

Just kidding of course......anyway... I meant no more new threads (sorry I said posts) I am not using car to break RO......all I'm saying is how do I contact her about finding out about selling?.....this would be good for her too.

I will be gone for a couple of days.....so I will not be on......I will amaze W as I will not be contacting her.....and she HAS the child support check early.......I pushed another bill aside. I see what you are all saying about unconditional love. DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING in return.....I am starting to figure out. I will still pay as many of her living bills as I can afford. I feel terrible not being there to help.

OK.....I went out to relax tonight and had a few drinks........weird can't even look at another woman anymore.......when I see people dance I think of us.....when I see them kiss I think of us. I compare women to my W. Boy, you don't really realize how great of a person you have until they're gone!!!

I really wanted to email her, but I'm not going to. I made a commitment not to and I am sticking to that.much I WANT to say, but I have said everything I can.She knows I care ....now she must make up her own mind. 3 days Relate....EASY!!!!! Besides,just asking advise. Sorry if annoyng you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Threads or Posts???

I sure miss her though. I miss holding her.....looking in her eyes.....kissing her. Then I think of someone else filling those needs.....hurts bad. Is there such a thing as plan B in my case or do I try and A until finish line?

I miss coming home to my family whom I have come home to last 7 years (3 with child). Funny that it took this to make me open my eyes to what is important to life. It's not money, fame, or fortune.........It's family and Christ!!!!

God Bless All who ha helped or Attempted to help me. I appreciate and love each and every one of you. The reason I joined MB was because there are no support groups in the area. You folks have helped me......even if it doesn't seem so, and my M may not work.

Thank You and signing off until next Thursday...........I WILL RELATE WAIT AND SEE......hopefully I'll have good news ...like w called me.......wishful thinking...but could happen.......bye FOR NOW!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK, that was way too harsh, I sincerly appologize. I should not make a judgement like that about someone's personality merely from posts. Mostly I was pulling his leg a bit.

To make amends, I like AA's good humor. He is very loyal; very open; nice looking; amiable.

I'm a bit up and down, ain't I? Thanks for pointing that out. I've got to work on staying on the up and up.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

^^ bump ^^

I feel really guilty now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It's OK Relate......I'm not hurting emotionally as I was..I see the picture evryone has painted, but still trying to implement. I have always been a hrd worker and want to see results now......in this case it can't be done so I am learning patience....too bad under the circumstance. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Bottom line.....I love my wife. If she wants to go on without me, doesn't want to work on it that is her choice. She is the one that will be missing out. It's not bright and rosy on the other side and she is starting to see some of that now. I do wish her the best and sincerely hopes she finds the happiness she is looking for. She is a great person and I wish I had done a better job, but we all make mistakes (and sometimes correct them too late!) I've still got my beautiful daughters!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey, I don't think it is over at all. Just that she will come forward the more reticent you are, and the more you pull back and leave her alone. Sort of like plan A from a distance. Good luck!

I think so too. I am pulling back now...hopefully not too late. I will still help with her needs as much as I can. I will wait for her to make positive contact. She said some things to my cousins wife (her friend) that make me wonder. She mad a statement that "maybe I am being too selfish" I can't believe that came from her mouth. I'll wait a week now...keep fingers crossed she calls.

I'm the underdog right now. I feel even if my chances are 5% THEY ARE STILL CHANCES and I will see this through to the end and if possible ask her to extend it so I can continue with my changes.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

Well my mom stopped over to pick up our daughter from W. She said W was very pleasant. No relationship talk.

My mother, brother and I put money in a pool to force me to not have any contact with her....buy her anything. They don't think I'll hold out. I WILL. I know she'll contact soon if I back off. Like I told her the other day I love her very much, but I need to get on with my life. She knows I want to work on it. Now she needs to figure out if she really wants this.

Will there come a point and time that I may ask her if she would like to work on M and seek joint counseling to see if we can save it? Or do I just have to kick back and wait for her to possibly make that move?

I was thinking earlier, and my mother agreed, the other day when we spoke on the phone I asked W if she would like to go to the concert with me. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but the way she has been towards me she could have said "Are you nuts.....we are not going to be married soon." Instead she said "I don't think that would be a good idea." I told her invite is still open.

Well the hatred she has had for me.....she would normally go off on such a bold and presumtious attitude. Well I took a shot to feel the water and I didn't get burned. Just a little cold.

I know I'm analyzing again...have to quit. Busy next couple of weeks (GOOD). Counseling on Wednesday...have much to discuss, but not as much as I have had. Anything any of you think I should discuss with her. I have been working on short term goals for our marriage. Really helps me see the problems and how to rectify.

Al,

I feel really bad for you. I hope that everything works out. Keep the faith!

AA,

Hi, sorry you are going through all this. Alan you are far to worried about WHAT you are doing. You are working on you here. You need to take the attitude that you are bettering yourself and improving any habits or problems that you feel contributed to your W's leaving.

Your concern is NOT how these things will affect you wife. Yes that is WHY you are making the changes, but if the only reason you are doing them is to manipulate your W into doing something in return, I'm afraid you may be sorely dissapointed. You cannot MAKE your W say, feel, or do anything. If she sees your real changes and the actions that accompany them, and BELIEVES they are real and not a TRICK to get her back, she MAY come around. But she MAY NOT. It is her decision.

Make the changes REAL. Then no matter what your W does or decides to do in the future, you will still BE better. You will have faced a situation head on, conquered it and LEARNED and improved yourself because of what YOU learned. Your W has NOTHING to do with this process. The sooner you understand this the sooner you will lose the anxiety of wondering constantly what you W is thinking about what you are doing.

Good luck to you.

FW

Hi All! Finally all your support and advise is kicking in!! I feel good. I realize I can live my life without my wife. I feel if she doesn't want the new Alan someone else WILL. Of course, I would like to work on the marriage.

I have not contacted her in any way shape or manner since last Thursday! Hard to believe. I have it planned out if she calls. I WILL BE HAPPY AND UPBEAT and let her know that of course I want to work on it but I will respect whatever decision she makes. I am going to blow her away on the phone. She is going to wonder what happened to the begging, pleading, unhappy Alan.

It's time to stand up......brush away the dust and show her I CAN SURVIVE without her. If she likes the new me all she needs to say is can we work on marriage and I'll say of course, but only if you want to. I dod have a decent plan B letter ready. Very sweet and respectful......yet telling her that I don't know how much longer I can wait.

I WILL DO NO LB's!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She knows I care. This time away with no pressure should allow her time to think clearly about everything I have said and done. Maybe she IS starting to come out of the "fog" a little.

HEY RELATE!!! Are you proud of me? No contact or pressure and advise is FINALLY kicking in! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />