I am at a loss here. I really am.

My sig line is a summary, for those who do not know my story.

Well...After the verbal settlement agreement on 09/10, it took until 10/18 for the initial draft of them to reach my attorney for our review and word changes that I required. We made the changes that day, and returned them to exW's attorney for the "final" draft.

Well, since it is now 11/08, and I had not heard anything else, I figured that it was time to see what the status of the Dv was. I called my attorney. He wasn't in the office.

His paralegal answered. His paralegal is my exW's best friend, and worked with exW up until a couple of months ago. When I told her who I was and that I wanted to speak with my attorney about the Dv status, she told me that she would relay the message, but that she was under the inmpression that the Dv was already final! Final as of 10/17!

Wait!!!!!!! That was BEFORE me and my attorney reviewed the initial rough draft. Can't be possible? I called the courthouse and inquired about the status.

"Yes, Mr. HCII, a final judgement was entered on 10/17." What? How? I haven't even SEEN the final draft, let alone SIGNED anything!!! So....I got a faxed copy of the order. It was the "original" rough draft, BEFORE my corrections! What the h3ll is going on? I DID NOT agree to those terms, and haven't SIGNED or AGREED to that.

Backing up a little, what got me to investigate to see how the Dv was progressing, was an e-mail I received. I still have an active e-mail that some of the exW's stuff came to. There was one that came yesterday that "confirmed" the name change.

No big deal, I thought. After all, she did ask for her maiden name to be restored to her since we didn't have children.

Wait!!!!! That is NOT her maiden name!!!!

Certain things have indicated that the exW has ALREADY REMARRIED!!!!!! There is a good chance that she has, but I don't think that the Dv could actually be final. Somebody has some bad info, I think.

But....WAIT!!!!!!! The marriage isn't even to OM !!!!!! It is to some dude that she met and moved in with just a month or so after her and the OM's demise.

This woman needs help desperately. She really does.

To be married 14 years, with an A the last 3 of them because she had found the "love of her life", her "soulmate", then....the OM NOT holding up his end of the bargain and DV'ing his W, my exW then just days later being madly "in love" with someone else, is just to crazy to believe. And now to think that she is remarried?

This has to make everyone's day. It's true. It really is.

I don't know WHAT to expect, now......

Boo

hcii, I do believe it, my H. broke up with his OW because she found out about him seeing other women and he was already starting to get serious about one and now that his first OW is gone he is hot and heavy with the second one. After only about 6 or 7 weeks, so I will believe anything the WS does. And he blames the first OW for dumping him and acts like he doesn't care at all that she broke up her marriage and moved to a new job to be closer to him and now they are not together. That is why I am in plan b now, I can't hear any more I don't know what to do and I am so indecisive, I didn't mean to hurt you, All B.S. to me. I'm sorry you are going thru this, it is all such a waste for everyone, and for what? nothing more than a feeling. take care, DBD.

hcci,

What I want to know is how can Dv be finalized when you not have signed anything ??????? Could that mean that the Dv is not in effect and she could actually have 2 H's at the moment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

D.

I wonder if Willgetthrough this is correct. Talk about a big heart stopper.

Here is a thought, paralegal at attorneys is XW's best friend. Paralegals usually file this stuff with the courts. Did she submit this prematurely? Worth investigating. When you checked with the courts, did you tell them you did not sign the papers? What did the courts say.

<small>[ November 08, 2002, 11:19 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

It is generally another instance of proof that the affair is all about the current marriage/relationship failing and not about the other person.

<small>[ November 08, 2002, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What I want to know is how can Dv be finalized when you not have signed anything ??????? Could that mean that the Dv is not in effect and she could actually have 2 H's at the moment </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well....those are my thoughts, too. She may not have remarried yet, as I have no "legal" evidence, but she IS using her current BF's surname....

As to signing anything, I haven't signed ANYTHING except a transfer to the vehicle she gets. It was originally in my name only, so I transferred title to her.

As a matter of fact, I haven't signed the FIRST document since she left and filed for DV.

But...I do have a copy of a Dissolution Decree with an attached Marital Settlement Agreement, and had been signed by the Family Court Judge.

I have seen nothing with her signature, either. I have left messages with my attorney, but he hasn't returned any calls.

I don't think that there is any way it could be final. I know that it is possible for the Dv to have been granted, but I can't see how the settlement agreement could be final without my signature.

What throws me off is the fact that there was a hearing a few months ago for bifurcation. The exW wanted the DV immediately, and settle the property at a later date. That was DENIED. So...how could she get the DV now, without a bona fide settlement?

I'll tell ya....Sure makes for a miserable weekend worrying about it......

Boo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is generally another instance of proof that the affair is all about the current marriage/relationship failing and not about the other person.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Possible.....But....with her actions, I would think that it would tend to prove that the current M/R failed due to her "mind" failing.

There is no way that anyone can convince me that what she is doing is "rational".

I mean....Marry someone that you have just known for a few weeks, IMMEDIATELY after your "soulmate" and you have split? A "soulmate" that you had for a long term? Geez....It may be possible that she is "over" me, but there is no way that she was over the OM....

My M failed due to me not supplying a HUGE EN for my wife. Her biggest EN is that she needs for 30 men to fall at her feet everyday. Big self-esteem problem. I had sensed that, but didn't think it was THAT serious.

However, after my M's downfall, I was amazed by the people that "came out of the woodwork" to tell me the same exact thing. As a matter of fact, her previous employer and his wife, who have been close friends of the family a long time, told me that there wasn't a single man that she spoke with that didn't want to "have" her, in her mind. Said that she was constantly telling them that.

They even told me that they have been with her when a man would be in their presence, for business conversation and the such, and that when the stranger would leave, she would remark to them that she thought he was "flirting" with her.

They would be there the entire time, and said that usually the gentleman was just being nice.

As a matter of fact, her BF, the paralegal, did let it "slip" that she thought the world of my exW, but that she DID want to be the "center of attention"......

Boo

<small>[ November 08, 2002, 11:52 PM: Message edited by: hcii ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Here is a thought, paralegal at attorneys is XW's best friend. Paralegals usually file this stuff with the courts. Did she submit this prematurely? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't think so. The paralegal that is the exW's BF is employed by my attorney. It was the exW's attorney that filed the documents with the court.

Of course I'm not experienced with Dv's, and DON'T want to make a habit of it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , but the ONLY signature on this order is the Family Court Judge's.

Boo

It seems right. What is importatn is that she is secure and happy now. When one relationship (or marriage in this case) fails generally the person leaving dates or tries out several other relationships before they settle down with one of them. I know several couples who have met and married after very short courtships and are very happy together. Her relationship with the other man may have been broken because of the developing relationship with her new husband over some period of time. Besides you may have known of only one OM, when she could have been dating two over some time. The fact that, as you say, she's been seeking the attention of several men, confirms that she's been looking in several directions for someone new.

She's got all the help she needs in life - a happy new marriage. You need help getting over your bitterness and letting that couple be now.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 06:22 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When one relationship (or marriage in this case) fails generally the person leaving dates or tries out several other relationships before they settle down with one of them. Her relationship with the other man may have been broken because of the developing relationship with her new husband over some period of time.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, that theory doesn't hold water.

You see, I had a PI that could tell me (and show me, I have hours and hours of video) that there was complete and total dedication of the exW to the OM that she DIDN'T marry. The exW and OM's destruction was due to the fact that OM's W became pregnant, while OM told exW that they weren't sleeping together. He was trying to convince the exW that his W had the powers of the Virgin Mary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If "fantasizing" over men without actually being with them constitutes "having relationships", then I have truly missed the concept of dating.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She's got all the help she needs in life - a happy new marriage. You need help getting over your bitterness and letting that couple be now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't consider myself "bitter" towards the exW. I do consider myself bitter towards some of her actions, though. Especially when it became obvious that she dissipated marital assets to the tune of SEVERAL thousand dollars in her original A with the first OM.

But then again, sure....A lot of that is my fault. Why in the world I let her have the ability to "clean" me financially just before leaving, has educated me very well. I should have given her a weekly allowance, then that could not have been possible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have no problem with her wanting out of the marriage. I consider myself intelligent enough to not be happy with someone who doesn't want to be part of a marriage with me.

But...Don't try to take the marriage with you, that you don't want.

Boo

Did anyone really think that I would let this comment go without response?

She's got all the help she needs in life - a happy new marriage. You need help getting over your bitterness and letting that couple be now.

Relate,

He is NOT bothering the "happy" couple as you put it. He has had NO contact with these people. All the man wants is to know if he is divorced and he wants the correct settlement to have been filed. How do you get that he is not letting them be? He does not give a rat's a$$ who she marries, but he would like it to be while she is NOT still married to him! And, just so you know, he had to delay construction on his new house because he was instructed by the attorney to NOT do it until the divorce was final. He has lost 3 precious weeks of good weather. Why can't he be a little upset without it being termed "bitterness". He was not even notified by anyone that a divorce was final. While she has gotten on with her life, he still sits idle, waiting for the green light to build the house he has saved and planned for for over 10 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

It is generally another instance of proof that the affair is all about the current marriage/relationship failing and not about the other person.

What is that comment all about? Oh...I see now, you have met my brother and you watched him jump through hoops for 14 years to ensure that she was kept in the style she wanted. Yes, he even indulged her with smiles when she told him about ALL the men that wanted her, craved her, flirted with her, and came onto her. Yes, that would be it....you were there with them. No...WAIT...That was ME!!!! I saw it...you were way off target with that statement. The biggest problem (and I call it a problem for lack of a better word) was that my brother did not fawn over her in public. While he was rich in polite gestures to her, he tended to not display affectionate touching in public or around us..his FAMILY. Women like that and I told him that later. Lord, maybe it my fault for not telling him... Ya think?...but whatever we do, let's not place any blame where blame is due.. on HER. Afterall, she is only the person that wanted men falling at her feet wherever she went and she enjoyed telling my brother all about it and he did not flex his jealous muscles and threaten to whip some a$$. He didn't fill the EN of needing scores of men at her beck and call....buy hey, maybe he should have commandeered them at the local Rotary Meeting.

One last comment before I lay down my sword in defending my brother (til the next time needed) if she had all she needed and in a happy marriage...why would she look like she has been rode hard and put up wet? She has aged 20 years since she moved out in April. I have seen her, I should know. She is living a rough life and if that's what she wants then have at it.

He is doing great and I resent your comment about him being bitter and leaving the new couple alone. He is not bothering them, he just wants his freaking divorce papers with the correct settlement filed!

Always,
committed

P.S. I guess it might not be a good idea to have brothers and sisters posting here too.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I tend to get very defensive when I think my brother has been wronged.

Nevertheless, she seems content and happy to be happily married and far away from you. She doesn't seem to care at all what you do with your life. She is happily moving on with her life, which is non of your business. You are the one trying to snoop about her and bad mouth her. You need help not to do that; get your divorce papers and move on.

It is very much an instance indicating that the affair was about her trying to find someone new because of the end of the marriage. Many affairs are.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

committed....you GO GIRL!!!

Relate...it's been awhile since you're posts have been annoying and ridiculous...nice to see you back to your old self again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

HCII...OMG...that's all I can say. I hope you get to the bottom of this.

FWIW, neither my x nor I signed our papers. We went to court in November. In January I started asking about when I would be getting papers as I had limited time in which to refinance the house. Was told judge had been on vacation for 2 weeks at Christmas and papers hadn't reached court clerks office yet. In early February, I got papers signed by judge while she was on vacation. Her's was the only signature.

Is it possible this is a situation where a fraud has been commited?

Investigate.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Pepperband,

Thank you for that response.

Exactly.... he is investigating it.

He is NOT bothering those people (as it has been stated by another poster) nor is he "snooping" (again as stated). He is well within his right to find out what the devil has happened. It is his life and right now it is "all about him" as it should be.

Always,
committed

P.S. Guess my Older Sisters position is really shining through this morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Boo,

I have only known you a short time and I know from our correspondances that you deserve much better than what you got with her. I know that people can get to some pretty bad lows in the FOG, but this takes the cake.

My heart goes out to you.

Stay focused on what YOUR plans are for your future and just let the S**t pass you by.

My thoughts and prauers are with you.

Seems like you tried to delay the divorce to stop her moving on; but she didn't care, she got married anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I need a bit of help from anyone that is PC savvy....Please. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am having trouble locating the "MUTE RELATE" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> button. Could someone tell me where it can be located on my keyboard?

committed

Relate, you need to read up on the posts from people before you comment. You are clueless as to the situation and your comments reflect that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are the one trying to snoop about her and bad mouth her. You need help not to do that; get your divorce papers and move on.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do what??????

I have not initiated ANY contact since June 4, 2002.

FWIW, I CAN'T MOVE ON!!!!!

I am still paying the marital debt, as I have NO "legal" proof that we are divorced. I am still paying debts that WILL be hers when it is final. I am still "legally" responsible for her actions in certain ways.

I am still paying health and auto insurance on her. They WILL NOT let me take her off UNTIL I have the proof necessary.

I no longer "snoop". She should have enough sense to change her mailing address since she hasn't lived here in 7 months, and DEFINITELY should have informed businesses NOT to continue using MY e-mail addy any longer.

Since she is still on my health insurance, for her to be "happy" as you put it, she sure is burning up the sedatives and anti-d's.

Looks like to me that SHE is the one hanging on. She still wants use of MY finances.

Thanks, Sis, but regardless what Relate may think, or not think, I will still get up in the morning, breathe in - breathe out, and enjoy my life.

She is somewhere below the exW in terms of importance in my world.

Boo