H is making me so irate!!! I decided to check out our bank accounts, to see what's left. H has been out for a few nights this week now, and with no money, I thought I would check and see if somehow, he got some.

He sure did! He's going out this week, and using our RENT MONEY!!!

What the H3LL is up with this guy!!! It's one thing, if he wants to crash and burn.... but good God! Can't he wait until me and the boys are out of the house first!!!????!?!?!

I was tired a few minutes ago. I never should have looked into his account information. Now I'm severely pissed off!!!

It's his whole cycle happening again. He did the EXACT same thing when I kicked him out of the house in Feb 2001. He dug into the rent money then too!!!

I tried to call him on his cellphone - bad move on my part, b/c it wouldn't change anything anyways... and thank goodness we're not DYING or anything... b/c he couldn't be bothered to answer it anyways!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Why is it, that this stuff always crops up on weekends? (when there's less traffic on MB). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

And why is it that he has to keep proving me right.. .in that he needs help!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Karen

Karen,

I am sorry that he so stupidly did this again. Get the rest of the money out of the account and put into an account that he has no access to. This way you can the rent and what ever bills need paying before he blows the whole amount!! Will probably be an LB, but you must protect you and the boys not only physically but financially and emotionally, not having a place for them to live would be hard on them!!!!!

In another post you said you couldn't get out for about 2 months as that is how long it would take to get housing, are there any other options to get you out of there NOW? Family, friends (the ones he has slept with)? Sorry!!!

I hope things get better or stay steady and not get any worse right now!!!!

I'll tell you about day later, it's been interesting!!!!!!

C ya, Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Karen,

I am sorry your H has brought such grief to his family. You know many a xWS would be willing to beat some sense into him for you as much as all the betrayed spouses here. Seems like there is no one with greater hatred for a WS than an xWs. Believe it or not.

Either way it is still not keeping you in a safe place and that is what your priority should be now. If he is frivolous with the family's $$ and will cause his family to be rendered homeless, then you need to do what it takes to get you and the boys to a safe place. How I wish we were closer. Is there anyone near by, even a neighbor?

This A thing is like a virus that attacks the brain. The WS get soo irrational that they don't realize how much damage they are actually doing. There is not much you can do to help him right now. Protect the boys from his association. I am not saying to withhold his visits with the boys but he needs to be monitored. All the Ws are someone's children. How hard it must be forr a good parent to know what their child is doing.

Take care of the financial means. Secure a safe bank account as needed.

Karen, please take care of yourself. Post here when you can and vent as often as you need.

Hugz,
L.

Hi Topie,

I am sorry to hear it is coming to this... I have heard that too- the I have no problem routine.

Have you been to a COSA meeting? I loved the ones I went to, such nice ladies, men , even women, can be so sick. It is just a coping mechanism gone out of control.

I am so sorry your h can't stop the website addictions, ow over with, now I am sure you wonder what he is up to- out at the bars and not answering the phone- I know all about that one.

I am sssooooooo tired of my H not answering the phone when I call- that has been going on over a yr now. My oldest son sd when he was visiting Dad last wkend- my number came up and he sd- ws that is, oh no - it is the witch.

What is so erratic, is that I only called to find out when we were meeting with the kids, and then he invited me over and had me over a while when I picked up the kids, we played card games, etc.

That was the night he suggested we get the shirts with all our pics on them- strange he was calling me a witch to my son hours earlier??

I hate these immature , non-adult, irrepsonsible men.

Topie, Do you have a decent job, or are you stay at home mom? With 3 boys, it must be hard. Do you have family closeby?

My parents are very close and just picked up the kids, I am going to have mexican with kk from houston soon....

I hate to rely on or need family, but it helps with little ones.

Our h's are just like little wayward children, well NO EXCUSES... they are adults acting like this.

I am sorry that after his coming home and your recovery progress, he will not face his porn issues. I think my h has them too. My FIL read dirty magazines, and I bet he still does and websites.... I think since my h knows all about his dad's habits, and many women of his dad he just does it and it is normal to him.

SO SAD, what they are losing.

YOU ARE BRAVE and to be RESPECTED.

You are a strong woman for saying NO to this craziness.

I think the disrespect that the mags or the websites bring to women are just awful.... and they lead to cheating and lying.

Why can't these men just be good fathers and husbands?

I am thinking of you. Be strong now for you and your boys.

((((((((((((TOPIE)))))))))))))))

Hugs, HONEY

Todays vent: Why can't I just be CIVIL??? I know I'm leaving. There is no doubt about that. But why can't I just be civil for the remainder of my time in this house?

I no longer care to "plan A" my H. I don't want him anymore. Will I change my mind on that? Anything is possible... but it would take a miracle, I think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm letting his selfish ways get to me again. And I'm LBing. I don't care about his perceptions of it. Not anymore. What I care about is ME, and the fact that I do NOT like this person!! (meaning ME). I do not like the person I have become around my H in stressful times. And the only way to be rid of it, is to be away from him... and I don't know how long it will be before I can do that!!

I know he won't tell me the truth. He can't. It's not part of him. I know I wouldn't beleive him anyways. I've just asked him, to do me a favour, and at least stop his selfish ways, even if just for a month or two. My biggest irk (for the night?) is him saying that he's heading out to do 'such and such', and should be back in "x time"... and does he do it? NOT A CHANCE!!!

He left about 2 1/2 hours ago to drop off a friends' computer chair at this friends house. This person lives across town... but even if H got all red lights, he'd still get there in about 20 minutes... 30 tops! H calls me 20 minutes ago, to ask why I had called him. "I was just about to put the twins to bed, and I was wondering if you were on your way home, b/c I would have kept them up for you to say goodnight to". And then I got into it. I WAS being a nice person. But I couldn't stop myself. Well, I didn't care to stop myself is more like it. It was just another LB on HIS part, by not bothering to answer his phone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

daybreak: I don't have access to that account. It's not joint. I happen to know his passwords, and I only know the money wasn't there, b/c I thought to check the online statement. As far as other options to me... I don't have any family or friends that I could stay with. My dad is next door, but his apt. is too small... and too close to here anyways. I'm thinking seriously about getting into a shelter. I'm going to make some calls on Monday, and find out if there's a way I could get all of my things into storage. It won't take much longer to finish packing.

Orchid: My H's issues aren't even A related anymore. He's been this way all along. I knew it when we married, but I thought he would change. I've been thinking he would change for over 7 yrs now. I'm done with him. He's a hopeless cause, IMO.

Honey: I'm a SAHM, and I haven't been in the workforce for over 2 yrs now. My skills are outdated, I think! I will be living off of social assistance, but I'm okay with that. After all, that's what it's there for. I plan on making use of as many programs as I can, and I'm looking forward to getting off of the system too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> The saddest part in all of this is our H's willingness to lose their family over their addiction. That's wrong. They aren't willing participants, are they? They are prisoners of their addictions, and yet they are the only ones who hold the "key" to "get out of jail". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I have never attended a COSA meeting.. what does it stand for again? I've attended one al-anon meeting, about 3 yrs ago, b/c of my father being an alcoholic. I live in a different area now, and I haven't bothered finding out where the nearest meeting is. I don't want to go to any right now anyways, to be quite honest. One day, maybe... but there are a few other things I want to deal with first. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As far as the rent issue.... I've asked him a few times if he's contacted the landlord yet, to tell them that there was a mistake, and to work out an arrangement. "No not yet". Conflict avoider. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I won't do it either. They already know I'm leaving... and it may be sooner than later, if I can. They're H's problem.

SIGH!!! And then I've got my self inflicted issues about my 30th birthday ... coming up in a few HOURS!!!! AUGHHHH!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> At least I know that I'll be treated well tomorrow... my mum and her bf are visiting... and they always spoil me for my b-day. hehehe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I believe we're going to "East Side Mario's" for dinner. Mmmmm... pasta!!! Bad for the thighs... but heaven for the soul!!! LOL.

That's it for now. I'll post again later, I'm sure. Just to get more venting out.

Karen

Karen, are you in Cleveland?

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WH-43
DS-1 year old
Status: One Day At A Time

Brit, She's in Canada on the east side I believe!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If I were you I'd take out little bits here and there so you can make a pad for yourself in another account...if you guys are still using the same bank account. That aways IF he does this continually you will have the money if you NEED it. It's security...ya haveta take care of you and your kids first. I just found out my ex was using an inactive account and there's some $700 deposited and used in the last week! hotel rooms...and who knows what else. good luck!!

Hi Topie: Doesn't sound like you qualify right now for COSA, with your strength and no tolerance attitude. It is codependents of sex addicts. There is an SA , you guessed it sex addicts group as well- usually the men- sorry guys.

I attended a retreat and sought out this group when My h told me there was more than one ow.

The concepts are based on aa's, and alanon's..... they used the langauge of letting go book for readings .. in my group along with another on money issues for women in these situations.. in some meetings. Kind of ways to build financial stregth on your own.

I really enjoyed the meetings, they are just a drive, and may go to one tomorrow... as it is def. an issue of my h's. The online stuff definitely.

It is funny not living with him for so long, I don't find porn addresses in the sites visited log anymore. And he used to wonder how those appeared and LIE And LiE and LIE!!!!

I know how much it hurts, with small children and wanting your family together.

I won't kid you the joys of being a working mom are difficult... but POSSIBLE... YOU CAN DO IT! It does sound if you have the strength.

Don't worry about being 30, you are young! I am 34. YOu will grow and become more of an independent woman in your 30's- you are standing on your own already- refusing to settle.

Good for you TOPIE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have put up and put up with the magazines... I remember a stack of them during my first pregnancy and I still won't forget the arguments about them.

My goodness, when I first married my h, there were old mag's of his dad's in his old bedroom at his mother's house... - dad had been out of the house for 10+ yrs at the time. I would of already thrown them away if I were the mom... but come to think of it, I bet my h had stored them away in his room. I was suprised to see 70s and 80s dirty mag's in his room, that were his dad's.... GEE< WONDER WHERE HE LEARNED IT WAS OK???/ VENT, VENT, VENT.

honey

Hi Topie, I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. I know things are very difficult for you right now but turning thirty is a significant milestone...

You're an intelligent person and have much to offer...I think the working world would benefit whenever you're ready to re-enter.

You've committed yourself to the recovery of your marriage which demonstrates admirable perserverance under extremely stressful circumstances.

You've tried, Topie, but you haven't failed.

I worry that LB'ing will cause some "lows" for you. You've come so far. Just because "he's" sunk again, don't follow downward. Take this opportunity to keep rising.

Again, Happy Birthday and I hope you had a wonderful Sunday dinner outing with your mother and her B/F. I hope it turns out to be one of your best years.