This monologue of mine becomes more difficult to write as changes become increasingly incremental ... not that I don't like that. Our connections now are becoming matters of degrees it seems. I still wonder what we're doing. I still see an unhappy woman. I still believe she's trying to save her marriage, too. I'm still getting better. And I still like my progress thus far.

I keep thinking you'll be the next one to post in recovery.

I asked my Dad if it gets any easier to understand them, and he said "not yet, but if it changes, I'll let you know."

Didn't mean to depress you.

So, have you ever asked her "what next." and if so, what does she say?

SS

ss ... on second read, I did sound like I was lamenting. Maybe I was but I don't think so. I, too, think that I will be posting in recovery but I'm not sure how soon. Every day DOES get better ... not just for me but also between me and my wife. I'm willing to bet money that the A is over (but I'm sure feelings still linger and I would not be surprised if they still had contact).

Really, things is better. Last night we finished our Christmas shopping, had dinner and some drinks at one of our favorite restaurants, and then we bought her a Christmas tree for her apartment. To cap it all off, she invited me over for Christmas. This is significant because she's also inviting over some friends that she I knows that I don't know. Essentially, it's the first social outing for us since June and she's kept me and them very separate since April.

As for who can depress me ... THAT one I own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

Tonight my wife and I ordered a pizza and rented a movie. We ate and watched the movie at her apartment. We had some cookies and milk. And I'm not wanting to put the cart before the horse here, but she fell asleep in my arms during the movie. For those of you who are not convinced that Plan A can work, I can attest that it is possible. Lots of forest left for us, but never lose your faith in yourself or your spouse. Grin and bear it when it's tough. Stand up and be the better person ... always. Love yourself as if your spouse will never speak to you again ... always. Show love for others ... always. Do these things, and even if your spouse decides you are not what they want -- for whatever reason -- you will will be the winner ... always.

Don't get me wrong ... I must still protect myself. But, my friends, the fog is burning off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Things are still going well. My wife is opening up more and I'm still on my guard. Yesterday when I got home from work she was there at our house doing laundry and watching TV. She had been doing her laundry at her apartment the last several weeks, so I found it a little odd (and I was a little put off at how much she made herself "at home" ... she made some food and pulled out a blanket while she watched TV. But I digress). Actually, I was looking forward to spending the evening by myself, but we had a nice time. We went to dinner and had good conversation. I like that I'm making her laugh again. She opened up a little and said she needs to get a few good nights sleep ... and in almost the same breath said she was up until 5 a.m. the night before. I bit my tongue and smiled. The old me would have said he had no sympathy for her or something else as equally disapproving. Just another test, I suppose.

As well as things have been going, I still don't get much from her and I've had some privately impatient days lately. Many times over the past weekend I wondered how long she's going to keep playing her game before she lets me know the rules. I've even rehearsed -- in my head, of course -- the "please let me get on with my life" speech ... because I might need it one day. I suppose having done this is a good sign?

Anyhoo ... I giggle again at the parenthetical part of this thread's name.

<small>[ December 18, 2002, 11:38 AM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

Nice to hear of your progress. As I told you before, it is good to read posts that show these plans work. You are one strong person and you keep proving it time and time again.

I'm glad you did not have to go to Plan B. I will be implementing mine in a few weeks and I am dreading it. I am actually preparing myself mentally and emotionally for it. I decided to definitely do it after Christmas.

Anyway, keep posting, let us you know how you are progressing and thanks for watching my back.

Thanks, uc. I'm glad I can help. BTW, please send that new draft of your Plan B letter to my Yahoo! account.

You are in my thoughts.

My wife let slip last night that she was lonely.

I was thinking about your W's comment.

What did you reply to that? Could that have been a test to see how you reacted, bait?

I didn't say anything. While I think I was meant to hear it, I don't think it was meant to be discussed. It's coming. She'll come to me when she's ready, just like she did on D-Day.

I AM the king of biting my tongue ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We bow to you Oh Great King of Biting your Tongue. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

lol

Hi W,
I'm impatient,
I keep waiting for you to get done with this and post in recovrey.

So, should I go talk to your W?
Na, you are better at it than me anyway, I'll just let you do it.

SS

You're waiting? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wow ... what a holiday. I wasn't sure what to expect as our plans went from a little get together at my wife's apartment to unsure to attending a get together at our friends' house in the mountains. Driving home from work yesterday the emotions of the holidays caught up with me and I mildly lost it. I was on the interstate and eyes full of tears at 70 mph is a potentially unhealthy mixture. I digress.

When I got home from work I took the dog for a walk and got cleaned up. I called my wife and she came over. We exchanged gifts and that was very nice and then we went to lunch ... Asian fusion rules!

From there we drove to the party and had a good time. We stayed just a short while, as I had been up since 4 a.m. While we were there she asked out to a movie for tonight ... so I think we have one of those date-things I keep hearing so much about <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . About 10 minutes after she dropped me off, she called while I was out with the dog and she left the following message on the machine: "Hi. I'm just calling because I forgot to say that I had a really good time today. I will see you tomorrow."

This is good, no?. Don't get me wrong, as much as we're making progress she still refers to our house as my house, for instance. And she still says things like "if by some miracle we make it through this." (Of course, when she said this I thought "All you have to do is choose it.") Things are not all candies and fields of flowers yet. But it's not the sh!tstorm of anger and blame it was a few short moths ago, either.

Anyhoo ... all things considered, it was a good Christmas.

<small>[ December 26, 2002, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

All things considered, you haven't reported in for a while.

Any more tears at 70 mph, or are you having better days now?

Just wondering.
Seems I worry about YOU too.

SS

Plan A is tiring. After sveeral months of this I'm exhausted. I'm sure the holidays and two jobs haven't helped.

SS ... overall I'm doing well. I think that ride had more to do with the moment. Christmas Day ... missing my wife ... end of a shift ... not wanting things to be as they are. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and it's not over.

Your attitude has been very positive, at least what we see of you. No one can do it forever, but good signs from her must help you.

How are you looking at it now? Are you seeing it like a courtship - dating her to win her heart?

Or is it just waiting, and wondering?

Are you playing that game...... seeing how many things you can come up with to make her happy?

Tired is natural, but there are things you can do to help your own attitude, and to make it easier for you. You can also drop her a note and take a week off.

Dear W,
These last few months have really been an eye opener for me. I realize how much I love you, and how much I want you in my life. I enjoy the time we spend together and wish you were back for good.

It has been really hard for me to be apart from you, and it is taking a toll on my health and energy level. I need a few days to think, and recharge, so I may not be in contact as much the next week or two. This is not meant to hurt you, I just need some time to think.
W.

I have lots of ideas, but that's all they are. If you need the time, take it. You would have to re-write so it was "YOU".

I hope you know that we care about you and what happens to you. I worry about your feelings, if you get sleep at night, and in general how you are doing. I can see you are still making it work, and I hope you can keep it up.

SS

SS ...

The good signs from her do help a lot. I couldn't imagine what some others here are going through. The holidays are enough on their own sometimes. As much I as I am able I'm trying to look at this like a courtship. In fact, I've decided to start sending an occaisional card to her when the fancy strikes me. Yet, sometimes, I do feel my life, at least where my wife is concerned, is wait and see ... because sometimes it is. I've also contemplated asking a friend of ours (who has, incidentally, been my wife's confidant throughout this ordeal) if she thought it was safe for me to ask my wife out on a date. I've hesitated because I don't want to put this friend in a spot to perhaps break confidences.

As for my health, I've been away from the gym for far too long. I was going to get back a few weeks ago, but I fell down my steps and busted my a$$ and my tailbone has been a bit tender since. Now that I'm back to about 90 percent and ready it's time for the "resolution drones" to invade. If you belong to a gym, you know what I'm talking about. And I'm sleeping very well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> In fact, my wife called me at 3 a.m when she finished work to ask me for a wake-up call. I didn't hear the phone ring.

The note and break is worth looking into. I think I'm going to have to seriously consider it sooner rather than later.

Thank you for keeping tabs. I worry not about the love here. It's why I come back.

<small>[ January 01, 2003, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>