H and I have been separated little over three weeks. Since that time we have seen each other regularly, out to dinner, cleaning out the basement, etc. And yes, I've slept with him twice. Time together has been good for the most part. <P>He had promised me the week I was packing to leave that he would follow up with therapy and take meds. Prescription still lying on counter and he hasn't followed up on therapy. <P>He cooked dinner friday night, I ended up spending the night and we worked around the house packing up basement all day Sat. I went home Sat. afternoon. He called and wanted to eat dinner out Sat. night (and could he bring his laundry?). Of course I said yes, he bought dinner. We then rented a movie. It was kind of late when we started watching it. At one point I kind of nudged him and said "are you awake?" He had made the comment he didn't know if he could sit through movie without going to sleep. Well, he turned and said in that hateful, sarcastic tone "DON'T START ASKING ME THAT!". It was totally uncalled for and that's what he's done for years. It really ruined the moment. I had tears but didn't let him see. Stuff like that eats my heart out.<P>Sunday afternoon I took his laundry by and he was cooking spaghetti and asked me to stay. I went home around 8:30.<P>We are going to beach this week if hurricane cooperates to have a mini-vacation/see our son at school. <P>I'm thinking about going to Plan B when house sells end of September. Our time together is nice, but after 25 years I don't want to be a "date" and weekend screw from now on. With his needs being met, i.e., laundry and companionship/conversation/sex when desired he could go on forever like this. Claims no OW. Right now I think the OW in my case is depression and his feelings of numbness. Also lack of motivation to do something about himself.<P>For the most part, I am willing to do a Plan A until these outbursts such as the one Sat. night. That eats out my heart and upsets me so much. I just keep subjecting myself to it. My family tells me to make a clean break. Make him do his own laundry, etc, etc. It's hard to do that after 25 years of marriage when deep inside you feel there is some kind of hope. <P>Any suggestions? <P>When I tell him I love him, he either says "okay" or "I know". Ouch. <p>[This message has been edited by Janie (edited September 13, 1999).]

Janie, Have you been consistent with your behavior in the last 3 weeks? I think you had one lovebuster, and that's it, right?<P>Does he just refuse to communicate with your feelings?

I've only "lovebusted" once, right after I moved when I went back to the house for the first time. He communicates that he doesn't love me, but doesn't want me to give up on him. when I tell him I love him, he either says "I know" or "Okay". I haven't pushed any conversations about "us" since moving out. I've told him so many times I wanted the marriage to work, etc, etc, etc, I feel sure he would communicate if he had a change of heart.

Maybe take a break or something from him for a while, with no lovebusters.<P>I think they all say the same things in their confusion state. I'm sure he loves you, just doesn't know how to get that "in love" feeling back. That in love feeling isn't going to come back without lots of time and forgiveness. Maybe he is holding something against you, and afraid to trust you with his heart?<P>I know you didn't do anything, but maybe the lovebusters from the past has him thinking about cold feet?<P>I don't know about B, Do you think you have a long enough track record of "A"?

Janie, "You make me sick"......Sorry. I recalled an old post of yours. But, seriously I had that (sarcastic) reaction. You have had more sex (if "sleeping with" included that) than I have in 6 months (zero) of LIVING WITH my wife. Hooray for you.<P>Don't overanalyze or be too hard on yourself for the lovebusters. Just do your best. <P>I don't know what "meds" he is avoiding. But, Zoloft is truly, truly, helping me. Send me a note/post/thread......JB<p>[This message has been edited by JB (edited September 13, 1999).]