I had an awesome time with my wife last night. We were out far too late and we drank far too much, but we had an awesome night. My wife is starting to lead us a little herself.

I love hearing good news like that!!!!

just makes me happy all over...

continued blessing and Grace to you and Ms. Whippit over there.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ARK

ark ... thank you.

Whippit,

"I can't figure out why I didn't. I wish I had. Even if she had said no, I wish I had."

You didn't bc you are protecting your self from potential hurt. It's ok.

Next time when you hear the words come out of your mouth you'll know that it is the right time. When your ready it will happen.

I have read all of your posts. I am amazed at the strength that you have. I only wish you could bottle some of it and give it to me.

Keep up the good work. Sounds as thou you are making progress.

VB

VB ... thank you so much. You'll find yours. I know it.

Just ask her point blank if it's time for her to come home. Maybe she thinks you may not want her bcause of what she has done.

"Is it time for you to come home? "

Or, ask her if you can ask her.
" I keep wondering if it's time for you to come home, but I'm afraid to ask, do you think I should ask? "

Or tell her you are thinking of asking her, and see what she thinks.
" I am thinking of asking you to move back home, I wondered what you think about it."

I think a lot of you, hope you know that.

SS

<small>[ February 24, 2003, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Great ... get me all choked up at work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

See ... who said love can't move through mountains?

Whippit,

I am SO happy for you now!!!!!! You know how much of a fan of YOURS I am too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is such great news, and it gives hope to us all as well. Congrats, I see good things on the horizon for you.

Is that the first time your W reached out to you like that with a late phone call, and the first time you went out on the town in a while? How long has it been since she moved out again?

Sorry, too lazy to keep track of all this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ALS

ALS ... No apologies are needed. I know we've got enough going on our lives to try and keep track of everyone else's.

To answer your questions:

1. No ... it's not the first time she's called me late at night that way. It happens almost every night when she leaves work for "home." In fact, I rarely trundle my booty upstairs to bed without taking the phone with me. I don't always answer it, but I usually have it with me. If it's not so important she leaves a VM. If it is important (at least in her mind) she calls back until I answer ... like last night at 2 am <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

2. It's the first time we've hit the town to that degree in a looooong time ... 12/31/2001. We've gone to dinner frequently -- a couple times a week nearly every week since she moved out -- and have seen a couple movies and concerts. But this was important because we went to the bar she manages. Which means that she thinks it's important for her staff to associate a face with a name. They all indicated they'd heard a lot about me. It's also significant because I can be a bit of a wallflower sometimes (moreso when I'm in a depressive cycle) and I think it was as much a test for me as it was anything else. I was never really allowed around her friends from her last job ... but, then again, she was sleeping with one of that crowd.

3. She moved out November 11, 2002.

Wow...Our W's move-out dates are almost identical. I only wish I had the continued contact that you had! That must have been very helpful that she was still so willing to talk with you and see you. I didn't know your contact was so regular with W.

Well it sounds like the night out with her friends was a HUGE breakthrough. I can relate to the whole face-time thing. My W never once let me meet any of her friends, as they are all co-workers and so is OM. So I worry that it adds an extra complication to her coming home, as she doesn't want me to have face time with them I feel. I'm glad to hear things are turning around so well for you! Congrats!

ALS

Tonight my wife asked me if I wanted to begin seeing a counselor with her. She also said that what we've been doing is nice but it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere and that she wants to try.

It's one of the most amazing nights I've had in a long, long time.

GO WHIPPIT!!! ! ! !
BIG SMILE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ! ! ! !

GOSPEED!!!!
ark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

whippit,

As I've always said, you are an inspiration to us all. Your patience is unparalleled. I hope you said yes! That's a great break!

Having said that, let me play devil's advocate here... What matters the most in these situations is perception, in your case her perception of you, has he changed, is it safe to return to him, etc. Do you think she's comfortable that she made the first move, instead of you? Ask yourself if one of the reasons you were not moving things along was because of fear. Only you know your wife, but it is something to consider: how she sees you.

Great news! "Good things come to those who wait."

Be well. I am utterly happy for you.

ark ... thank you. It's about time I got some speed from somewhere. I feel like I have angels on my shoulders.

uc ... thank you. You are such a good friend. Please, have my angels.

WOW,
That has to be positive.
What have you done since them to get your heart to quit racing?

Other than a fear that it still might not work, what are your biggest concerns?
In other words, based on the problems in your marriage pre A, what things might hold her back from a commitmemt to you now.

SS

My jaw hurts from smiling and it took me a long time to get to sleep.

These are all speculation, but about me I'm guessing that she's concerned with whether my depression is being managed well (which it is). When I'm in a depressive cycle it's virtually impossible for me to meet her needs ... which helped get us where we are. It's a valid concern and one that I share to a lesser degree. On the upside to this, education about my disease has been a life saver ... literally. I recognize signals that I might be slipping and I take my meds for a few days. I've had the same 30-day supply since the day after Christmas. Three tabs are in the bottle as we speak. It really helps to have steady and meaningful work, good friends who care and family who love me. I also understand that keeping those closest to me at arms length doesn't shield them from my pain.

As for what concerns her with herself, I haven't a clue at this point. If I had to guess, I'd say she's worried about whether she'll be unfaithful again and whether she's ready and/or able to do the hard work ahead of us. But again, I'm guessing here.

Probably not much I can do for you tonight, but I was thinking about you and wanted you to know someone cares.

More people on now days. I had to fish this off from page 5. If I'm going to go down that far, I had better change to something heaver than 4 lb test. Maybe I'll just put 20 lb on and leave it for a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope you are doing well and spending lots of time with W.

SS

SS ... thanks for checking in. Indeed, there are a lot of new folks here. As happy as I am they've found MB, it's awful, of course, that they needed to find it in the first place. I hope they are willing to do the hard -- but potentially rewarding -- work this crazy life we lead requires.

How is your wife doing?

w.

P.S. I am spending a lot of time with my wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My W is recovering but she always tried to do too much. Dr told her not to lift things, and not to run the vacume.

Saturday I went out to work in the yard (because she told me that's what she wanted me to do) and she jumps up and starts doing the things she is not supposed to do in the house. Kids were doing them but to slowly for her. Now she is in pain and wonders why.

I am glad you are spending time with your W - keep it up.

I don's see UC post much any more, I don't know if I ever did him much good, but I wanted to help. I hope he is able to stay "up" most of the time.

SS