I talked to Steve about my recent discussion with my W. H agreed that she was being evasive, appears to be stalling the D and the sale of the house and should be talking to a therapist. He also advised me to go back to plan A, but to be careful to protect myself. He wants me to encourage her to talk to him, but I'm leery of that. I'm affraid that will come off as self serving, that the only reason for my concern is an attempt to save our marriage, not out of concern for her. Although I do want to save our marriage, I know that can't happen unless she gets help for whatever is causing her unhappiness and gloomy outlook on her future. I plan on talking to her again soon.

sad dad

Hi SD - did Steve think that divorce-stalling is a general sign for changing plan B? Or were there other signs in your wife that led you to this decision?

This is happening to me, I filed in June and we separated/plan B in November. I was counseling with Steve but the last time was in January. I've been wondering whether it makes sense to speak with him again. I feel as if things are "finished", but it's not legally over yet.

Dear SadDad
I also wonder about speaking with Steve H. again. The last time was in July after WS took off to live with OW for six weeks. I see a reference to "divorce stalling"...what exactly does that mean? If a court date is set how do you stall? Also, does anyone have any advise in regard to counter-sueing? I filed for legal support and WS is petitioning for a divorce. The papers have been filed but we don't have a date yet. Is there any advantage to my counter-sueing for divorce? His grounds were irretrievable breakdown of the marriage....in our state that means he did everything possible to save our marriage( except of course, giving up his girlfriend). I'm thinking of sueing on the grounds of adultry and having OW deposed. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy traveling from out of state but maybe she needs to see first hand the pain and damage she and my H have caused. Legally, I don't know if there is any advantage with all the no-fault divorces. I just hate for it to look like I'm the one who caused this divorce and didn't try true reconciliation. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Wintergal

tmmx,

"..did Steve think that divorce-stalling is a general sign for changing plan B? Or were there other signs in your wife that led you to this decision?"

I can't really offer any advice on your situation since I don't know the details. In my case, the "stalling" appears to on my W's part, BTW, she's the one that filed. Steve and I believe her A is long over and that it was the result of long term unhappiness or depression.
My W recently told me she is still unhappy, will still be unhappy once we're divorced and may never be happy again. Steve believes this response is due to her begining to see the reality of the life she has ahead of her. To the best of my knowledge, she hasn't shared these feelings with anyone else, so I'm going back to plan A so I can reach out to her and encourage her to get help. I think she's feeling very alone and I'm going to try to be there for her. If it helps my marriage, that's a bonus, but I want my W to be happy, for her sake and my daughter's.

wintergal,

"I see a reference to "divorce stalling"...what exactly does that mean? If a court date is set how do you stall? Also, does anyone have any advise in regard to counter-sueing?"

If you still want your marriage, there are things your lawyer can do to stall the process.
In my case, I didn't need to. My W appears to be doing the stalling. We've had several court dates, all to do with custody. It wasn't necessary for me to be there for any of them. We will probably have several more, custody is just the first step in the process. I don't live in a "no fault" state. My W filed under the grounds of "mental cruelty" because she had to have grounds. "Irreconciliable differences" only works if both parties are in agreement. I counterfiled under the grounds of "mental cruelty/adultery" because as you, if I am going to be divorced, I want it to be for the real reasons. I still want my marriage and am confident we can make it work, but if the divorce moves forward, I may agree to irreconciliable differences. I really don't want to drag her through the mud. When it gets to that point, I may just want it over. Right now, my concern is for my W. She seems to have backed herself into a corner and is doomed to be unhappy, her words, not mine. Good luck to you.

sad dad

Saddad, good for you for looking in to this. It's a very compassionate thing to do. I hope your wife gets the help she so obviously needs. Keep us updated!!