WH continues to have telephone contact with OW (actually OM). He even had to see him on business recently, which I really felt ambivalent about. How about it? Any success for recovery in marriage when contact with OW (OM) continues on a business level? On a friendship level? (then I worry about EA) I have heard of couples who actually moved away to a new location to get the OP out of the marriage. I'm interested in what you think about this one.

Please forgive me, AGAIG. But I am somewhat confused ... when you interject "OM" in place of "OW", are you inferring your H is having a same sex A?

Jo

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Hi Resilient, (I wish I were that.) The answer to your question is yes. Unfortunately. And I know all about the STD's and all the other concerns, as well as the moral issues, which are a major factor for me, personally. From a Harley point of view in terms of relationships, though, I am wondering if there can ever be any serious progress in the relationship when contact with the OP continues. Somehow I think not, but I wanted to ask. Thanks.

As far as being RESILIENT, you can be too .... God certainly helps. I grabbed this name cuz the crap I was going thru was just a bit too much. Felt this moniker would help me, and it has. I even have it as my license plate "RESILNT".

Anyway, I was asking for your clarification on your situation to make sure I understood the dynamics correctly.

I'm very sorry for the obvious pain you must feel from not only the betrayal, but also for the bizzareness of his turn in sexual orientation.

All I can say is that I *think* all the Harley methodolgies may very well apply to your situation. An A is an addiction .... and any form of contact reignites that addiction.

Harley says once there is contact of any form, you are back to square one in terms of recovery of an A.

Again, I'm really sorry for what you're going thru. I'll remember you and your H in my prayers tonight.

Lv,
Jo

If my H maintained contact with an OW I would leave him. Period. That is how strong I feel about it.

IMHO it is totally disrespectful to you to maintain contact on any level. Your husband is not all the way back into you marriage if he can do keep the contact going.

Ending all contact with OM is and act of faith in your marriage and an act of showing you the respect you deserve.

asgoodasitgets -- if your husband is having a physical relationship with another man, then your husband is a homosexual, and there is not going to be anything you can do to change this.

How much do you know about his activities? What has he said to you about this?

If this is the case, then you are not dealing with "normal" infidelity here. There are many happily married women who go along for years before getting the shocking realization that their husbands are gay. Many men still try mightily to hide their true sexual orientation due to family, social, and religious pressures, but it is simply not possible to hide it forever.

If you believe, or have been told, that sexual orientation is a choice and he has just made a bad one, then you are in for a never-ending nightmare. He can't change his sexual orientation any more than you can. It looks like he tried very, very hard to do just that, if he was married to you, but he cannot change what he is.

I hope you will get counseling from people with experience in this area. You are not alone here. An Internet search will certainly steer you toward many resources and support groups. Good luck.

Sorry, but I pretty much agree with phycho-B about all of this. But, to answer your question, contact between past affair partner needs to cease before any true healing of the marriage can take place.