Things seemed to be looking up for my marriage early last week. H showed up on Monday when I was gone. Called me twice on Tuesday at work and wanted to stop by to talk. Came to the house Tuesday evening and said he wanted to make sure that I was O.K. and we talked about our joint checking account, etc. I closed the account down on Wednesday as I felt this is what he wanted. Called him Thursday morning to tell him that I'd closed the account and ask him what we should do about our insurance. He asked me what I was talking about and I told him that I was not paying for his van insurance if he wasn't going to be staying here. He told me he'd be by over the weekend with his daughters to help with some things around the house. O.K. Then he called me at work later and said he wanted to come over and do some of the things after work. I agreed. He came over and did them, asked to stay for supper. It was nice. We laughed and goofed around and teased, just like we always use to do. He got up and went into the bedroom and I followed him. He told me that he thought he had found him a house to move to. I asked when he was moving and he said he didn't know. I asked if he when he was filing for divorce and he said, "I don't know. Is there any rush?" We talked and he maintained that nothing was going to make him come back to our home and work on the marriage. I stayed strong, amazingly so. I told him I wanted my house key and the keys to my car that he had on his keyring. He gave them willingly to me even though much of his things are still here.

He asked me if I would be home over the weekend and if he could stop by. I told him that I didn't know if I could do that. That I knew my daughter would love to see his girls and I would too, but I just didn't know if I could have him here if he wasn't willing to work on the marriage. He told me to think about it and get back with him on Friday. He said it was only fair to give me some time to think about it. I said I would. He started to leave and acted like he was going to hug me. I just stood there cold to the emotions he was showing. He asked me if I was mad at him and said he didn't want me to be mad at him. I told him that I was hurt. He said he was sorry for putting me through so much and making me feel so horrible. He then said for me to call him on Friday about coming over this weekend. He stood there and acted again like he wanted to hug me or me to hug him. I didn't. I reached for the door knob and he went to walk out. As he did, he looked behind him like he thought I would follow him. I didn't, I just shut the door.

I never phoned him about coming here on Friday nor has he called me to ask. He was online Friday evening and I IM'd him and told him to give the girls a hug and kiss goodnight from me. He didn't respond to me. He was online yesterday morning and last evening and I didn't contact him in anyway through messenger. I will not contact him either.

So, I guess I'm in Plan B. He swears there is no contact with this woman he had been communicating with and I still believe there has been nothing physical between them. That may be false wishes, I'm I really feel there hasn't been. To update, she is married, 9 years younger than him and has a little girl 3 1/2 years old.

So, any suggestions as far as where I go from here. I plan B totally and completely NOT contacting them. Isn't that how I read it?! I'm going to try and see what happens.

My pastor called me and wants to go and talk with him tomorrow. Please pray that it is God's will that he do so and if it's not God's will that pastor speak with him and walls go up in his path. If it is God's will, please pray that God will give pastor the right words to say and give my H an open heart to hear them with.

Thank you. Responses are appreciated!!! I get so few!!

ferbie,

Good for you for being so strong. When you have good times with your H like the other night when he stayed for dinner and you were able to laugh with him, it must be so hard to watch him distancing himself from you.

It was wise of you to ask for your keys back etc. With the way you've gone to no contact, I guess you are in Plan B now. I'm not exactly a fan of hard-line Plan A or Plan B behaviour, but try it out for a while and see if it produces any results. It will be very hard to live with no contact though, both emotionally for you, and realistically since you both have children that you may want to see.

I will keep you in my prayers tonight.

Take care ferbie!

Jen

I'm hoping I get some more responses. Right now, I'm dying to phone my H and ask him how his weekend has been and if he'd like to drop by with his kids. But, I'm afraid to do that.

I'm trying to let him see how much he misses me, but I don't know if that means totally deleting me from his life or not.

What in the world do I do?

Ferbie, I know how a ws settling in on his own can hurt... My h got a house and insisted he stay there, and now has a townhouse since he couldn't afford that.. .he is messing up our finances and his too... if that makes sense. I think he wants to maybe come home, but he has some real issues, drinking and pride.

Just be nice and don't let him know how much he ishurting you by getting his own house. I hate it too. but truth is, they won't have the home they have had with us... my ws even sd one time when I had dinner at his house, that is was like camping over there... not a home <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs, HONEY

I agee with you both it's the most hardest thing to do is see you H getting a place of his own, mine has been in his own apartment for 5 months and it just kills me to have him come over , see the kids, chit chat with me about not really anything and then leave. But, what I am wondering is how to set boundries and stick to them. and what boundries are most imporant?? any advise??

Hang in there,

DW63

Ferbie ~ you are doing exactly right.

I don't know that plan B is good for you right now if you are new to this situation. BUT a good plan A also involves not calling your spouse and acting needy.

Hang in there and be tough.