Update for me... 9mos past dday.. H confesses that his "ONS/no-sex" was an affair that actually lasted almost 3 years (and included sex). They were clever, only together on business trips. I just found out this past Saturday, (yes, two days ago).

Apparently the first "confession" was carefully scripted story between the two lying cheating *&^&%$%$#.

Now what? I haven't eaten in two days... haven't slept much.. and I just feel sick, and numb, and angry, and sad, and stupid.. God I am such a fool! now what??

I'm married to a stranger,, and he scares me.

I understand how much it hurts when you discover the lies. I told my husband that the lying hurts worse than the truth, yet it didn't stop him. I am to a point where I am trying to do a good Plan A....I'm afraid he is just biding time until they can be together, so I guess as long as I still want my marriage to work, I have time.
I think you will know when you have reached that point where you have had enough of the lying and aren't willing to try yourself. At least I hope I know when I reach that point.
My H is still in the affair (email and phone) and doesn't know if he wants to work on our marriage so it's pretty dismal at times, however I come to this site, go to counseling, and pray all the time that he will come out of the fog.
I think you need to decide for yourself when you've had enough and don't want to try anymore.

Ouch... what else did your H say? Is he remorseful for what he has done to you? I'm so sorry you are going thru this.

BabyBlue, you have nothing to lose by going to a hard Plan B for a while. It will ease the pain somewhat and give you some sense of control over the situation, instead of just having to sit there and take it. Many people here will help you with Plan B. You may be very surprised at the effect it will have on your H.

Also, you have nothing to lose by going to your family doctor or OB/GYN, telling them what happened, and asking for a prescription for anti-depressants. These will help ease the worst of the pain and help you to function.

Forget about what your H is doing right now. He is about to reap what he has sown so just step back and let him enjoy it without you. Let other people help YOU. You need it and you deserve it. Good luck.

BB,
I am sort of in your shoes, i am thinking of plan B. Plan a is getting harder. Wondering if you are as scared of plan b as i am. S

Baby Blue,

The key in here is remose and willing to work on M and what is his intention on confessing to you. If H told you that he wanted to work on M, you should be glad that H is trying to be radically honest with you. Yes it hurts and it will make you think on your decision. Get conseling right away as part of working on M, both of you. If H just tell you with ignorance of your feeling then you should sit back and think if you could continue on w/ plan A. Either way you have to take a deep breath and do somting else for awhile before you revisit this issue.

You are not stupid nor dump, you were blinded with love for your H. I was blinded for 5.5 years before I really catched on my WW's A. Many BS love their SO soo much that we got blinded. Keep your anger down before talking back to H or make any decision. Post here again to vent or get second views on yout situation.

-rh-