I am sure that my H is having an inappropriate relationship with another woman - #2 He says they are friends. , but hasn't even ended all contact with woman #1. Now i suspect woman #2. I know i can't do this again. How do i adress this new concern without LB. HELP

Dear NGTDT,

I have been here a long time and more often than not I have seen a trend when a spouse enters into A #1 and when it falls apart, another one (A #2) seems to be right behind it. And it doesn't seem to be gender specific either.

I'm glad you brought this up, and I'm wondering why Harley hasn't written about it yet. It really is somewhat uncanny, although still very devistating of course.

Jo

Hi again NGTDT,

Without knowing your entire story (Plan A, Plan B, etc) I'd say that you continue to Plan A your H regardless of what A he may be in.

But, I don't know your entire story, so I don't know how long, if at all, that you have been in Plan A.

You might want to add to your sig line and give a brief (5 lines) description of your story and status, Hon. It will help all the members here better support you.

God Bless,
Jo

How often? Too often. One of the dangers of rebuilding. It's hard work. It puts real stress and pressure on the marriage, not the surposed pressures that many first affairs start from.

I've often said that I could have understood an affair by either my H or myself during those first months of rebuilding. How many mistakes we both made. So much anger and plain old hurtful things we said. So much distance we created. This was when our marriage was in a true crisis.

Then again, you've got those who are "programed" to betrayal when things get tough...or even not so tough in a relationship. There are those who seem as if they must always have the admiration and ego stroking that can only be found by multi-partners.

I don't know if you can address this without LB. I couldn't. How you handle this must be whatever way is right for you.

Good Luck!

Thanks for your replys, I added a sign line. It really doesn't tell it all. Been plan Aing for a year. Husband has promised no contact, says i didn't keep my part of the deal so no contact not done. He continues to have female friends, cell phone calls all the time, self employed exc.. Beginning to believe i am fighting a war i can't and am not sure i want to win. I feel crazy, so many days i don't even know what i am going to do when i get out of bed. On medicine for depression. It is helping in spite of my scepticism. I can at least sleep through the night. Thanks again for your help and replys.

My WH is on OW#2 this time around.

According to counselors, when a wayward spouse has one affair, the chances of them having another is so much easier. As for my husband he has had one affair, and his other woman has had 2 in her marriage, him being her 2nd for sure. We are not sure, cause she seems to be of low value on humans.

I would plan A, for a little while, get counseling, to do this by your self, is not good, he is using you, manipulating you, and you need to counsel. If he won't, go for yourself, that is the only way that you will believe in yourself.

But the statistics show that he may repeat this again. Especially after a person has had 2 affairs, their chances of a 3rd are so much greater.

Go on your day, do you work, so you can do something else. If you don't, how about volunteering at the school or hospital. The neonatal department needs moms to rock and feed the critical little ones. Or go to the nursing home and be a person to listen to the folks, play games, help do crafts, and interact with these lonely people.

Try to realize your H is messed up, and to recover yourself, and protect yourself from the bashing.