My WH has not ended contact with OW and tells me he's unsure of our marriage working, but has not made a decision. Also says if he left it would'nt be that he is choosing her...it's that he just doesn't think our marriage can work.

I saw an email where he is telling her that she is not taking him away from me, but that he is choosing her and that won't change.

Why won't he just tell me the truth here? Why string me a long, or is he stringing her along too?

He also told her that we don't sleep together, etc. and that is not true either.

I don't know if he's trying to spare her feelings by saying we're living separate, and maybe sparing my feelings by not telling me that he does want to be with her and has chosen her.

Why doesn't he tell me the truth? I've told him I can accept whatever it might be, that Ijust deserve to know.

<<<Why won't he just tell me the truth here? Why string me a long, or is he stringing her along too?>>>

Yes. Exactly. Like most of them, he wants you both and is willing to say whatever it takes to have you both. He will lie to you so you won't throw him out and he will lie to her so she'll go on giving him free sex. It's really pretty simple.

Rest assured that he will do this as long as you let him do it. There's nothing like having your cake and eating it too, and he firmly believes he's found a way to do that.

There are steps you can take -- read extensively on this site -- but whatever you do, do NOT sit back and hope he will see the light and do the right thing on his own. That's the one thing that never happens.

Thank you for posting...I'm doing the best plan A that I can right now. I guess that could be looked at as letting it happen, but OW lives 7 hours away, so it's very rare that they can be together.
I just hope that he is telling her what she wants to hear, and not what he really believes to be true.
It just seems like if he really wanted out, he'd do it. And as long as he's with me, I have a chance by doing a good plan A.

Hi there,

just wanted you to know that the crap he is selling they have all sold. I have heard almost those exact same lines from my WH, and his cell phone messages would indicate that he is telling her something different (she said i can't wait to be your wife ect. ) i am one year into this, and although he seems to be trying more with me, i know she is still in the picture. PURE HELL. I tell you what. I keep hoping that my plan a will soon have the desired effect. Best of luck, many prayers and thoughts for you. S

Sounds like he's feeding her a line to make sure he has a safety net if the marriage doesn't survive. Many do this. They are so afraid of ending up alone with no one.

He can't tell you the truth, if he did...you might leave him. He can't tell her the truth, because if you did leave him...he'd have no one.

The "I'm not having sex with my W." is a favorite line. Amazing how many OW/or OM if it fit...believe this.

You've told him you'd leave, he doesn't want you to, but is afraid. If he wanted this woman...he could have her. So now...why isn't he with her instead of you? You got bars on the windows and locks on the doors?

notgoingtodothis: Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!
Have you been doing a plan A for a year? I've been kind of doing one since August, but not great because of finding out lies and LB'ing about them.

Right now Plan A is what I want to do although my sisters and friends that know wish I would just leave them. I almost regret them knowing because they just don't understand how I feel and I know they care about me and don't like that I'm hurting, but I know they don't like my decision to try for this marriage.

Have you considered plan B at all?

Wifey: I hope what you say is the case...I worry htat he's with me because I'm pregnant and he wants to be a part of his child's life (first one for both of us, he never thought he'd really have a child). I guess that's why I don't understand the stuff he's telling her, because if he does end up with her, that's 7 hours from here and so he sure won't be a big part of his child's life.

From what I've read from him to her, he is sure giving her more hope than I have. To me he's undecided, doesn't know what he wants, etc. To her it's can't wait to be with you, I'm yours forever, etc.

I probably need to stop the snooping, but I feel like I need to know what's going on.

Hi, There,

In response to your question about if i had considered plan b. Daily. I married for life. If plan b would put my life back on track i would do it now. However, Harley says that plan b is dangerous because others are meeting is needs at least in the beginning. Oh heck, i don't know up from down most days. Today is and up day inspite of the fact that i have a parent teacher conference with my sons teacher and that is difficult because i am a teacher here as well, messy messy messy. Best wishes. S