My H has been having an affair since June, I found out in September that he defintly was. Well it's been off and on. I had an affair last year in August and it was the biggest mistake I made. I worked with the guy and he moved out of state, came in and I went out with him. I then talked once in awhile to him on the phone. I wish I never did it, I should have dealt with our problems instead of turning to someone that said the right things. Well anyway, last Friday night my husband had his brother call the girl and told her that he couldn't go out with her that night. She was pretty mad. A couple of weeks ago she went up to my brother in law and wife and said that my husband (her lover) talks about them all the time and then she said didn't your brother ever mention me or my name? And my brother in law just said no and she said I can't believe the love of my life never did. My H says he met her out of comfort. I just don't know what to believe anymore. Does it sound like he is trying to break it off with her? Why do you think he would have his brother call and not him? Help!! My husband is also an alcoholic that stopped for 7 years until he found out what I did and then when he met this girl it has gotten worse.

Goldie,

Perhaps you can persuade him to go back into a rehab program or AA. Simply put even if he decided to leave you for OW, he needs to be sober. If he stays he needs to be sober. If he plans on being a father to his children he needs to be sober. If he plans on keeping his job and progressing he needs to be sober.

So perhaps talking to him like this will help get him to take the FIRST action he must take no matter what. The affair may be ending, but the problem is the drinking right now. He cannot really do anything else until that is handled.

I suspect you are right your A really put tremendous pressure on him, and he cracked. I suspect he was relying on you far more than you realize to stay sober. But, that is what it is. Just see if you can or even the kids can get him to get back on the wagon. Then work on the marriage.

That would be my suggestion.

God Bless,

JL