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Should I help him move out completely
#1039476 11/11/02 05:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 115
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texmexgal
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texmexgal
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My H is involved in an intense A with married coworker. OW's H is working out of state. We have been married 17 years and have two teenage sons 15 and 13 years. OW also has two teenagers. H moved out upon my discovery and now wants divorce but agreed to 6 month separation first that was two months ago. He has been staying at a long term hotel and just moved into apt. this weekend. H plans on having moving company pick up some furniture from our home that I agreed he could have. I also offer him other items he might need. Should I pack up everything that belongs to him and forward it on to him?

My H's family is very very supportive of me and my MIL plans on tearing into him if he calls her for her birthday 11/20. Should I tried to talk her out of confronting him with his actions?
Re: Should I help him move out completely
#1039477 11/11/02 08:36 PM
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KS Offline
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I thought about this in depth when I thought that it might come down to him moving out - how generous would it make me look to pack for him? Okay, here was my answer. NO WAY was I going to make it any easier on him. If he wanted to leave, he was going to have to go through all our mutual memories and feel sad and pack them up. If I had done it, it would have been torture. "Oh, look, here's a stuffed animal from when we went to the fair, and he couldn't knock anything down, so I did..." forget it, sister! Make him go through the dirty work. You don't have to be mean about it, but why make it easy?
Re: Should I help him move out completely
#1039478 11/11/02 09:15 PM
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texmexgal
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KS Thanks for you feed back..I locked my H out of the house after filing for divorce which I have since stopped. He wanted to come into our home while Im out of state with his family at Thanksgiving and I told him no. Just thought that I would surprise him by having the movers bring him not only his furniture but everything he owns.
Re: Should I help him move out completely
#1039479 11/11/02 11:30 PM
Joined: May 2002
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Faith4me Offline
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No way, do not help him. That is one thing that I did too. I helped my husband, and you will get nothing back in return. Only bashing, and unthoughtful comments.

Let him go through the stuff and say this is mine cause of dah dah dah. If you want, take and put things away that you don't want him to have. Also, tell him to get his own boxes, and tape and markers. Have him mark it himself, just be there so that he doesn't take something that you two don't agree on. I know, my hsuband did this, and when I got back with our one daugher, I was so upset. But he felt priviledged to come into thehouse, and he said there was nothing wrong with doing what he was doing.

We are dealing with men who are controllers, and this is what they are good at, getting to our bones. Be careful, and always watch your back.
Re: Should I help him move out completely
#1039480 11/12/02 11:47 AM
Joined: Apr 1999
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Chris -CA123 Offline
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Should I help him move out completely
Absolutely you should! And do it with a kind heart and a loving smile!
No I am NOT being sarcastic. This is one of the key actions Harley recommends. It shows the ws you still love them ala' Plan A!

Should I tried to talk her out of confronting him with his actions?
Only if she brings it up. Then just keep it (your suggestions to her) to a minimum. Such as telling her to not scream/yell at him.
Part of bringing the affair into the open is to have the ws deal with everything/everybody knowing what is going on. This makes (helps?) the affair to self-destruct.

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