My H told me last Thursday that he thought he found a house to move into and I posted on that. He wanted to come over the weekend and I told him I didn't think that would be a good thing. Then we communicate on messenger yesterday and he says he wants to stop by at about 6:30. I told him that I would be a church. He says, "What about tomorrow night." I tell him that I should be home.

I went to church last night and when I got home, H had been here. He no longer has a key, but got some things of his from our back porch. Pretty much all of his things are still here. I tried to contact him and ask him to come and talk to me when my children were in bed last night. He wasn't at his sisters. She said she thought he was staying at his father's. I phoned there and he wasn't there, but his stepmother said she'd have him call if he got home before she went to bed. He called last night around 11 PM. He asked me if I still wanted him to stop by and I told him that was up to him. He said that he would be here. Normally, he shows up shortly after getting off work. Never has been later than 6:00 PM. Tonight, it's after 6:00 PM and he's not here.

My pastor had mentioned going out to his work and talking to him. It's no big deal if H has someone at work visiting with him. I'm afraid that H is angry with me because my pastor showed up. I don't know what he would have said to H, but I'm so scared right now.

Do you think H isn't coming by because he's angry with me? Because he has conviction? Because he's confused and doesn't know what to do now? I'm so hurt. I work at a hospital and was sent home at noon today by a doctor. I couldn't function and was crying. I am on meds.

I had my children go to my mother's after school because he said he'd be here and I didn't want them to witness any of our conversations, they have been through so much.

Add to all of this, the fact that my youngest daughter who is five has never known her father and has thought of H as her only daddy and now I get an email from her stepmother and her bio-dad wants to start getting involved in her life and getting to know here.

I'm so confused. I need your prayers. I need some wisdom here. I need some direction. I've been trying to leave H alone and give him space. I've been strong, but I'm dying on the inside. I just don't know where this is all going.

Please help me get some direction here!! I can't afford to phone in or I would. I can't afford a lot of things now. I'm a single mom with three kids and H isn't helping at all. No, my kids are not his children, but still!!!!

ferbie, I have no clue as to what is going on in your H's head. Yes, he could be mad. Yes, he could be just late, he could be confused. Yes, he could be.....fill in the blank.

Until he arrives, you won't know what your dealing with. Keep your focus on YOU and what you want to accomplish. Not what he is saying or doing. You've done what your H asked you to do by backing off. You've tried to do what is best.

Saying prays now for you. May you find strength and courage. You've done what you can do...now it's up to Him to lead the way. Leave it in His hands. Knowing that wherever he leads you, it will be right.

Hi,

Well you have a TON on your emotional plate right now, don't you? Some hugs would probably feel pretty good right now, and I'm sending one to you!!

Well... here's what I get when I read your post. You need a PLAN.

Last night your H called and when he asked if he could come over, you said it was his decision, when in fact you WANTED him to come.

Then the pastor goes to visit him, because...???? Why? Did you send the Pastor there? What did you hope to accomplish by him going there? Guilting him? I ask that not judgementally, but seriously.

About your daughter's bio dad and stepmom... let the courts handle that. Has he paid child support all these years? Is he on the birth certificate? I'd see a lawyer if at ALL possible (aren't there free or low-fee one's through Social Services? Find out, it sounds important!

Everything you're doing sounds like it's coming straight out of emotion, and how well I understand THAT. But it can get you into trouble... you need a plan, Hon.

Anyway, hope this helps some...

Well H showed up last night. We didn't talk about our relationship at all. Pretty much only about him moving out. He took all his clothes and his guns and hunting things. I sat on the bed and cried. He hugged me several times. I told him that I loved him and he said, "I know you do." Then I cupped his chin in my hand and looked at him and said, "XXX I never lost faith in you. I want you to know that through it all, I never lost faith in your love for me." He looked like he would cry. He's taken possession of the house and is trying to get the money up to pay his deposits for his utilities. He's wanting to come get things this weekend. What is left. He tells me that I can keep his nice dining room table that he came into the marriage with. I told him that a table doesn't replace the man.

So, I think things are pretty much over in my life. Where do I go from here? What do I do now? I have no clue and need some direction!

I am so sorry for your pain-please try to calm down. I know exactly how you feel. You will be ok-no mater what happens. If H is still having A then you need to do a strong plan A-while creating space for your self. Go to counseling-find a counselor with a sliding scale-read books of self help, relationships, etc. Find something to do besides sit around and pine for H. Every small change you make in your negative behaviors (crying, begging, trying to make H feel bad, etc.)will make a huge difference in relationship. Show H and yourself that you are strong, beautiful, and can make it on your own-do a total 360 in every aspect of your life. Play with kids more, go out with girl-friends, maybe try some volunteer work.You will feel better and maybe H will see the change and start to wonder if he made the right decision? Maybe-but you are # 1 now-not him!! Take care of you and your children.