My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. When we were first married an underlying issue was lurking that we both tried to push aside to carry on with our love for each other. The issue was our differences in religious beliefs, and we both thought that eventually one of us would give and we would reach a compromise.
Over time we both have just avoided the topic because I would always end up hurt and crying being that I was so sensative about what I believed so strongly. Over time a wedge also started growing even deeper in my heart and self esteem, due to other factors such as his addiction to his computer time, chatting with strange girls online and ex-girlfriends, and downloading pornographic pictures and videos. On top of that recently I found that he had a few phone numbers of other women that I didn't know on his desktop. I would ask him about these things and if he would stop, but got vague or half-hearted answers. After all this I was already quite disheartened.

One night when we were both supposed to spend the evening with our friends (ie me with the girls, him with the guys) I arrived home to find that he hadn't returned home yet, since he had taken the phone (we only have a cell), I got online to ask his friend when he would be home. His friend said he hadn't seen him, but said he would try to call him. He told me that he would be home soon...through the two hours waiting for him to return home I got more and more anxious. He told me when he got home that he had driven down to a town about an hour drive from here to hang out with his ex-girlfriend. When I heard this my stomach instantly felt ill. I was so hurt and angry that my husband would got out with another woman and spend time with her doing things that we rarely even do! On top of the fact that it was innappropriate all together.

Well, we argued and finally fell asleep. I was still discontented over the next week or so. One evening when we arrived home some person was sending text messages on our phone after my husband had gone to work. It was the phone number of one the girls that was supposedly one of his "co-workers". I casually told her he was at work...she asked who this was I answered I was his wife. She replied, "huh?" and pretty much refused to Message me back. I couldn't take it anymore. I logged onto my husband's comp to see if she was online and line all this out. To make a long story short, I did a naughty thing and looked in his message history. There was a message to one of his other exgirlfriends (who he had cheated on me with when we were engaged, Whole other story) who he had evidently been talking to AGAIN, it was about that night when he was out. He told her that he hadn't done anything "wrong" but that at the time he had wanted to "ride her like a pony"!!! At reading that horrible message I was completely heart broken...that the husband I loved, whom I was trying to work out differences with, had thought about this other girl that way. I am still hurt to this instant for that.

He was still at work, i I left him a strong letter about how hurt I was and went to my friends' house for support. He later called me after work...didn't understand the letter....*sigh* I'm just going to leave it here. We've tried to work on things, but my heart is torn and tattered. Help!!!! I feel like quitting but he doesn't want me too. he thinks we can work things out...but he Only thinks of the religous differences....What should I do? My family and many friends think I should leave him too.

<small>[ November 12, 2002, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: AngelHeart49 ]</small>

Hi AngelHeart49,

I know that your heart is broken right now and I am so sorry for what you are going through.

There are two things and only two things for you to do right now, those are 1) breathe, in and out slowly. 2) Pray, this is a must for several reasons. One it will help you to connect with God and calm down and it is always good to seek His will and to put your marriage in His hands.

Your H has been acting in ways that are inapproiate but that is not the issue tonight, the issue right now is you and your emotional state. When we make decisions while we are emotionally in a storm they are usually not well thought out.

The next thing to do is to read on this site, read about the policy of joint agreement, read about the emotional needs questionaire and read the stories of others here. Here is a good place to start http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=000553

You and your husband both need to really think about and discuss what you expect from this marriage.

It is not impossible for people with different religious beliefs to make a marriage work, I am a Christian, my H is not but he respects my beliefs and doesn't try to change my mind about them, and I don't try to push mine on him. I pray for him and for our marriage but that is all I can do. The rest is in God's hands.

I'm not here often anymore but I do stop in from time to time, here is a link to my story I posted this two years ago but we are still together. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/003227.html

I hope some one else answers you soon, and I will try to check in here tomorrow to see if you are around. And I will pray for you.

Deb