OM lives 2000 miles away I will be going to his home town for my company in a few weeks. I am really stressed out and don't know if I should look him up or not.
This is the man who called me over and over to make sure I had all the explicit details he could give me (true or false)he did not care he just wanted to cause pain.
My wife and I are in recovery,16 months since D-day, one step at a time. I love her very much but sometimes the pain is unbearable. My wife says she hates the OM because of what he has done and I do believe her, she does have no contact with OM and again I believe her.
Should I meet with him or not????

NO! No contact. This has nothing to do with you and your wife right now. He was just a symptom. Do not give him power in your relationship. Assume he is gone, do not look for him. As a betrayed W I know how you feel, but this would cause him to contact your wife, and it could be a big LB. He is not worth it. If he called to give you details, he has low self esteem and is a looser. Good for you trying to work it out with your wife. It is hard, but worth it. I still get angry sometimes, but I will not call her, write, etc. She is nothing in our relationship. Just someone he slept with-her problem. She has nothing to do with the bond between H and I. Please don't give him the power. If you need to know what is going on, get check mate (google) or hire a PI. Sometimes doing nothing is better. Harder, but better in the long run. I know how you are hurting. I feel the same.

Married 10 yrs
D-day August 2001
Plan A/Recovery in beginning stages

I just read a post on a different board where they discussed this...and both the OW and the BS's agreed that in most cases it's as cruel a thing to do to yourself as anything. He's not on your side...he won't tell you anything you want to hear...nothing positive can come out of the meeting. It will only cause you FURTHER pain and you could lose it and do something stupid.

You KNOW the answer to this question. If you need it validated...fine....NO!

The marriage is between you and your W. Continue on your healing paths.