You heard me! Now go and do it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's one full hour on infidelity. Here's what his website says it's about:

"The Aftermath of Infidelity
Can a marriage survive when it started as an affair? Dr. Phil looks at the aftermath of infidelity. If you've cheated, been cheated on — or if you were the other lover, you won't want to miss this show."

Just wanted to share with all of you. Pretty amazing that tonight is the first time I've decided to look at his website. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It must have been 'meant to be'. LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Karen

Karen: I hope you don't think this is too bold but I noticed in your profile that it says you are leaving H and don't want him back. What brought you to that point? Was he even trying? Does he have an Internet porn addiction? I struggle with this as well and wonder if you have any words...Thanks, Angelia

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I hope you don't think this is too bold but I noticed in your profile that it says you are leaving H and don't want him back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I was to be offended by anyone asking anything about my signature line, I wouldn't bother having one. You're not being too bold. I'd be glad to share my experiences with you. That's why I'm on MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What brought you to that point? Was he even trying? Does he have an Internet porn addiction? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's been a LONG time coming to this point in my life. But I can honestly say that the past 2 yrs is what's made all of the difference in the world. Ever since my son passed away on September 11, 2000, I've been doing more and more research into human relationships and dealing with emotions, etc. That sounds so cold... but that's the starting point for me (even though I went to college for a social service worker diploma!).

No, my H was NOT trying. Well.. he was feeding me crumbs... but that's about it. He was giving me just enough to keep me here... but not enough to make me truly happy.

The internet porn 'usage' (?) of my H's has been an ongoing struggle between us. I am very much against it, for various reasons, and have repeatedly asked that my H stop it. He's told me for so long that he would stop. That he has no need for it. Blah blah blah. Since our "recovery" began last summer, he did very well and stayed away from it. Last xmas, I found it again, all over the pc, and I asked him to stop. The usual routine unfolded it's ugly head again. (he said he would stop, I believed him, and then I 'forgot' about the issue).

Then came this past June, and it showed up again. This time I wrote him what I call a pre-plan B letter, and on that letter I outlined 4 main boundaries that I expected him to follow, or else I would leave. Here's a link to that letter: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=017646#000000

Well... just a few short weeks ago, I found more porn on his laptop. And that was it. He had just told me a few weeks prior that he had no need for that stuff... so b/c of that, I hurt all the more. But this was the last straw for me. And I have started the proceedings to leave him.

IMO, he is a SA (sex addict), b/c of his porn addiction. Of course, he doesn't see that. He doesn't think he has a problem, and he refuses counselling b/c *I* think he's a SA. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He's tired of trying to conform for *ME* (yah.. whatever! I have yet to see any REAL changes), and firmly believes that "all men do it" and that I'm "the one with the problem".

I gave him one last out... to stop my moving out process... and that was giving him the opportunity to seek help. He has refused... so we're outta here! (me and our 3 young sons). It will take a few months to complete... but I've already started my packing, and even talked to my 3 1/2 yr old about it, to prepare him.

I've done quite a bit of research on SA now, and just finished reading "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes, M.D. It helped me to see how much I have been enabling my H for years... and also how I've become a "co-addict" (however in my case, I've turned to food).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I struggle with this as well and wonder if you have any words...Thanks, Angelia</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Were those enough words for you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Here's a link you may want to visit: http://www.understandingsexualaddiction.org/
I posted it in some other threads recently... but I'm not sure if you saw it.

If you want to, you can email me at: 4topie25@rogers.com if you want to talk about it more, especially if you're not comfortable posting on here. But obviously, for more input, you should post on MB, and be sure to mention SA in your thread title.

Karen

I have been waiting for this show!! They did the taping back in August, and how do I know that?? Because my husband and I were supposed be on that show!!!

Seriously, back in August when he tried to come back (see my signature line), he said that he wanted Dr. Phil to fix him (while he was out of work for 4 months, he must have watched alot of Oprah!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). Anyway, I was joking and told him that Dr. Phils website let you submit stories for different upcoming shows.

Well,, my husband submitted our story for the affair show. They called him, interviewed him over the phone, then interviewed me over the phone, then had us email them a picture of us. They called my husband the next day and said they were going to fly out here to film in our home,and then fly us back out to California for the taping of the show.

At the last minute, my husband backed out, because OW's family did not know he was married and he did not want them to find out, of course, this was when he went back into withdrawal mode for a couple of months.

Anyway, this should be good. My husband and I both have Friday off, we are doing some remodeling and hosting a poker party for his friends later that evening. Hmm...

Thanks so much for posting this Topie. I am now tempted to email OM and tell the #@$[censored] to watch. I'll be taping it for sure!!

Jen

I'm taping it as well - in fact - H and I will have that day off , so we may just have to watch it!!

Karen

What is the website for Dr Phil? Also i tried to link over to the sexualaddiction site but the link either didn't work, or the site had a problem.

I was interested about the enabling part because I have been Plan Aing for 7 monthes and think I have created a way of live and am actually enabling the A by not trying to do thing to make it a little less easier for the WS. I know, others have said that if you are dong Plan a right it will seem like enabling. Also my 28 yr old newlywed son has started browsing the porn sites, has admitted it to me, "so sue me" he said. I dont know if it has started any strife between them yet, but I sense it has. When I first asked him he said they share???? I know it will lead to less than good. I was thinking the site you mentioned will give some words to explainit all.

Good luck on you new life, I know what its like to live with a spouse who's not all there in the marriage...

DRS

You can visit the Dr. Phil website at:

www.drphil.com

Pretty easy to remember, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

Karen,

thanks, duh?? I should have just tried it.

How about the enabling part? I'd like to help my son stop what he's doing, well to whatever extent a dad can do anyway...and not enable it through quiet aquiescence. I think that site is just off line for now and I'll try again later.

Thanks for your help...

DRS