Ok here goes.....
I have been married for a little over a year and I must a admit it has not been icecream and cake. Sex is less frequent and my husband is just not romantic and I am the type that loves romance and attention which I got a lot more of when we were dating.
I recently got back in contact with the person I truley think to this day is soulmate , my ex. I really do love his guy but I moved on when I found out he hada child on the way years ago. We have seen each othera couple of times and everything is still there. He is romantic, sweet, loving, everything I ever wanted from a partner. When I am with I feel like a queen in every aspect of the word. I do love my husband but he is just lacking in the romance and even though I talk to him about it, nothing changes and it makes me angry and often resentful towards him.
My ex and I really enjoy being with each other (we haveny had sex since we broke up 5 years ago)and he know he made a mistake when we broke up but i still love him and it goes both ways.

What Should I do or what do you think?
Thanks for listening

In order: immediately stop ALL contact with the exBF and then read everyhting you can on this site (even if you don't think it applies to you) and then talk to your husband.

Things are broken in your marriage and they need to be addressed now. Take care of your home first.

And you are not "caught in the middle." You put yourself there. You can choose to stay there or you can choose not to stay there. Accept some responsibility.

<small>[ November 13, 2002, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

And...so what do you want?

You're posting on a pro-marriage site, so does this mean you'd like to save your marriage? If so end all contact with your exBF...this is NOT acceptable in anyway. Get some counseling for both you and your H and WORK on solving the issues in your marriage.

You don't want to save your marriage: That's your choice and only you know if the marriage can give you happiness...BUT...do not leave it by betraying. Very cruel! You do NOT need to betray to get a divorce. LEAVE; get your freedom and then pursue whoever and whatever type of life style you want.

Not all marriages should survive...but NO marriage deserves betrayal.

NUBIAN

Drop the "Soul Mate" bulls***. That fog filled fantasy causes more unnecessary grief and unhappiness than it deserves. I don't know when that catch-phrase became popular, but in my mind it has only brought confusion and and an unsettled feeling to me. It's like chasing rainbows. You will never feel like you quite got the total package. It's an ever elusive romantic fantasy. Stay on earth and work with reality. There are plusses and minuses in every relationship. Is yours worth keeping? Don't trade a fantasy for what might be the best thing for you right now. Take the ExBF out of the picture and remove him from the equation and take a good look at what you have now and give it a rational evaluation. Work on your R at home. Whether you stay or go, it will be because the two of you made a real go of it. Adding another person only complicates and confuses the issues. Good Luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What Should I do or what do you think? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, it depends on what YOU want. Do you want to be married to your H, or do you want a relationship with your xBF? Only you can decide...

From the tone of your post, your xBF is the greatest thing since sliced bread as far as the romance department is concerned and your husband is chopped liver. Excuse me if I sound harsh, but please, spare us all from the wonderful attributes of the OM...

Here's what I think: You made a willful decision to commit adultery with your xBF. You have done the most hurtful thing that another human being can do to another. You also appear to be more concerned with your "happiness" than you do about the condition of your M.

If you want the xBF, then get a divorce and go live out your fantasy with the xBF. If you want to work on your M, then 1)tell your H (and pray that he decides to stay), 2)get into MC with a good pro-marriage counselor, and 3)Earn your H's trust by living a trustworthy life.

I do have one question. You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do love my husband but he is just lacking in the romance and even though I talk to him about it, nothing changes and it makes me angry and often resentful towards him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What have YOU done for your H to make your marriage more romantic???

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Nubianprincess,

Read some of what I wrote on my postings entitled"Help..I just cheated and dont know what to do" There is some great advice there. I am new to this site and don't know how to show you "my story" or how much of this site works...

I do know that if you decide to have a sexual affair with your ex that your whole life will spin out of control just as mine has. Think about whether or not the sex has a bigger part of it than anything..Marriage wasn't intended to be easy. It takes a lot of work, patience and nurturing. With these things you CAN make your marriage work.

If your soulmate got away, how did he do so? What were the circumstances around your breakup? Cut off all of your contact with the exbf as I just did and sort out your true feelings. If you do not truly love your husband, perhaps he is better off finding someone who does. The reality is, even if you were to leave your H for the soulmate the passion would fade and you would be still working on issues in the marriage. There is no perfect marriage, relationship or person. PLEASE give your H a chance to know what needs he is not meeting. He deserves that much.

BJAYFLY