Ok
I got my butt kicked in the first half. I am definately behind right now. My counselor today gave me a great pep talk. She is great. I hope she never leaves, because I'm going where she goes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

She perceived some of my W's talk as "challenging me". Interesting. I kind of feel that way too. She feels that she is giving me hints that if I prove to her I can continually do this and she feels that I do respect her that she may give me the chance. She said I have a lot of things going in my favor. Just quit contacting her (haven't in a week now). She said my W has a green light and mine is "RED". She said to visualize the red light when my wife emails me or calls me. DO NOT CALL HER BACK.....respect her. Agree with everything she says and avoid conflict. When she emails...respond briefly on that subject only. No guilt and no pointing out change. These are the changes she will see. She said many times the pursuer becomes the pursued. The more i do not want her she will want me. Especially after I have been trying so hard (I guess this is the plan B mentality). She knows I love her.

Counselor feels that the little incidental gifts are fine as long as I am still helping with some smaller bills....make the gifts small and not personal......just show her I care. She said no more cards for now. Wife may really mean she doesn't want the cards (or fog), but she said do not take the chance.

She did say I blew it when W sucked up her pride and asked me for CS early. I said I couldn't right now. She said that was a slap in W's face. I agree. I did apologize to W and gave it to her, but counselor says I have to get it right the first time. This is when she will see the new me. I may not get too many more second chances. I wish I had done better with that CS issue. I did send her daycare and some additional money in the mail today.

I am going to be so nervous the next time we talk. I have to be happy and upbeat and show her I do not NEED her, but "desire" to have her in my life. I will be such a great guy on phone she won't even know it's me. (I guess this is part of A---A FLOORMAT) That's OK though....I will do it with a smile on my face....because I picture my little girls smiling face of me coming home. I will accomplish this with the Grace of God. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

^^

i souns like your doing kinda what I am. I have nothing but agree with my wife and done what ever she says. It's hard but I stay up beat and I think she has already started to notice. I hope everything works for you and me as well. God bless and good luck

Well wife called my mother tonight. She always calls and leaves messages on her answering machine. She got her daycare payment from me today.

She wanted to know if I wanted to spend time with D this weekend as last weekend I had to go out of town and it was suppose to be my weekend. Weird??? She is being nice.

Well two things possible.....she is going out or she's just being nice. I'd probably pick the first, but I can do nothing about that and I do want to spend time with D.......so easy choice.

God, I am doing good.....1 week NO CONTACT....reading as much as I can on here, going to church, praying and counseling. I am prepared for the long road to DIVORCE and I'm not going quietly!!!

Relate owes me $10 for going more than 3 days! Anyone seen her lately?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You are doing great... good recovery from the pursuit... She will call again , and remember to act happy, confident , and just be nice.. Keep it short, and hang up first.. You are taking the pressure off and need to let her really know and feel that you mean it... She will test you......do not fail the test...

I thought Plan B meant no gifts..especially with No Contact?

I'm having a bit of trouble with my own Plan B, as I have to see my H re our kids' activities. And, when he talks to me at these activities (which is the ONLY time he talks to me like a human being), I can't just walk away as that won't look good for my kids.

So..how do you do Plan B, but give gifts? Isn't that more of a Plan A..to make them feel special?
I have told my H that I know we're over, etc., and I have as little contact as possible, so if I can do this but also send little gifts without seeing/talking to him, I will do it. I'm desperate for anything right now.

Would cards be good if you don't see them? ie..an e-mail one?

Kim
I am in plan A. My wife wants space and time so I have to do that. I was puruing and it was pressuring her, so I must do this to prove to her I am making changes. She will become curious and contact me now. That will be a chance to talk, so I can prove changes in other areas.

Oh..sorry..misunderstood then. Listen...you Plan A your butt off!!! Sounds like you have a great counsellor to give you guidance. Good luck!!

Things you do in Plan A (gifts, emails, concerts, etc.) and the amount you do them are things you should do for the rest of your life.

Remember. You are showing your wife positive. permanent changes that are not "just to win her back."

Agree with everything she says and avoid conflict.
Avoid conflict yes but do not (necessarily) agree with everything she says just because. You can disagree with her respectfully. You are not doing stuff JUST to please her.
If she does say something and you don't agree with it, you could say, "I hadn't though of it like that. I'll have to give that some thought" or something along those lines. Perhaps try and see it from her viewpoint. Again, you don't have to agree with it, but understand her pov.

She did say I blew it when W sucked up her pride and asked me for CS early. I said I couldn't right now.
You didn't blow it. If you couldn't do it, then you should not go overboard to do it.

Is there any reason YOU can't or any way you could pay the daycare directly?

Daycare provider is a flake.......and would like less confusion by me paying w...she's the one that has D and picks her up on Fridays.

Your right on a number of things. My biggest problem is that everything I try to do nice she views it as manipulation..just to get her back. She can't see or doesn't want to see that I am doing it to save or marriage and make it better.......because I really am.

I have to learn the "art" of disagreeing. Well said, but I have to do it in a way to show her i'm changing.

Boy...if they (WAW) really think this is best for the kids I disagree. My daughter won't even talk to me on the phone now. She cries and is always asking for daddy to come home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />