Hi! I have been on a few other boards on MB but was told i may get more responses on this one - so I'm hoping!
My story - dated H for 5 yrs, M 5/02, have 9 yr old D. DDay#1 - 2 yrs ago while still dating, met OW on business trip, i found email - H very remorseful, we go to C (but stopped after a few months) and he says it will never happen again. DDay#2, 9/02 H having A with 20 yr old (he's 32) relative of H's friend. DDay #3, shortly after #2, other friend of H's confides that 20 yr old is only one of multiple A...I change locks and ask H to leave. Since DDay i have been in IC and read LOTS of books and lots of info on this site. Since DDay, H has been angry at everyone else and feeling sorry for himself. "talks" about getting IC but hasnt done anything. H wont give me info on situation w/OW - i think he still has contact b/c he had the b***s to tell me he cant guarantee he wont see her as he still does things w/the "friend" OW is staying with...give me a break! H also told me i was partially to blame for A's - that did me in and i informed H that HE made a CHOICE to do that and that choice was NOT my fault...its al about control w/H - he's angry at being away from home and thinks he can do whatever he wants. its gotten a bit better lately, H talks more about not wanting to lose us and spends alot of time at home, so we'll see. I am trying, basically forcing plan A - its really hard when you have been codependent for years, but ill keep on trying! My quesiton after all this - can you do anything to help the flashbacks or do you just wait until they fade with time? i have a very hard time with that, especially w/20 yr old OW as i knew her and those images are so vivid - anything constructive i can do when that nightmare pops in my head?? Any advice is welcome, please!!!!

My only suggestion is t keep yourself upbeat. I myself wanted to get those images out of my head. they will never really go away. I keep myself upbeat and positive. my WW and I talk to each other as friends and thigs sem a whole lot better. I have been making myself look better and seem happy in her eyes. She has taken notice. I think she is not sure wat to do now that I look like I'm moving on and taking care of myself. I think she thinks that her safty net is disappearing. She is coming over today to pick up daughter and I'm hoping she will want to stay awhile and talk. But I'm not going to beg or suffer any longer. I am letting her slowly find her way home.

MPELE-

Hey, glad to see you made it over here! Hopefully you'll get some reponses that are useful. One piece of advice I'd offer is that you need to decide whether saving the M is what you want. Can you envision being able to trust your WS again in the face of these multiple A's? There should be some redeeming qualities in your H that you are willing to really struggle for. You sound like a scrapper so you can get through this...If you decide to save the M, then remember Plan A is about avoiding LB's (sounds like you're still working on that) and improving YOURSELF. If you think you're co-dependent, make some positive changes and become independent. Good luck!