yesterday I talk to WW she says she now wants to hold off on divorce. I said that's fine. We then just talked not about us or problems but just about general things and small talk. She then called me on her way home from work. She wanted to know if she had mail or any bills at the house. I said no and then I asked how her day went. She then just opened up to me. We talked about her job and how things were going. We talked just like friends until she got to where she is living with OM. She tells me OM gets mad if I talk to her(How ironic). I call up an old friend after talking to her and he comes over for a beer or two and we sit around BSing. WW then calls asking me to take our daughter today while she is working. I say no problem but I wanted to pick her up that night because my wife goes to work a 4 AM. So my buddy and I go over there to my In laws to pick up my daughter and my wie and I talk like we had before. just making small talk. I then say goodbye and she wanted her usual I still love you hug ad kiss. I just got in the car said goodbye and left. I think I threw her for a loop. I think I've got her thinking her safty net is disappering. I hope things work out for our marriage but if they dn't atleast now I know I can move on and I don't need her like I thought I did. I still miss her and love her and want her to come home and work our problems out. I am now just waiting to see if this new stratagy has an effect. It seems to me it does. hopefully if we just keep making small talk and I show her I can be what she wans and OM keeps LBing things will work out. OH yeah OM can't get a job right now. HEHEHEHE

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HEHEHEHE</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That was the most diabolical HEHEHEHE I've seen in a long time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good to see you making progress within yourself. I hope it translate into progress for getting your M back together and having a whole family unit again, as it should be.

It really is ironic how the OM is now jealous or disdainful of your WW talking to you. Now that's a real jusitifiable laugh right there! Relationships born out of deceit have the slimmest of the slimmest chances of making it. Sounds like the green grass over there is already getting some brown spots in it! Keep up the good work.

It feels good to take control of yourself again doesn't it? Not that you don't love her or want her back, but you are now more in control of your own life and your own happiness. You are a different person now. Enjoy it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope things work out for our marriage but if they don't at least now I know I can move on and I don't need her like I thought I did. I still miss her and love her and want her to come home and work our problems out. I am now just waiting to see if this new stratagy has an effect. It seems to me it does. hopefully if we just keep making small talk and I show her I can be what she wans and OM keeps LBing things will work out. OH yeah OM can't get a job right now. HEHEHEHE</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know it's hard to be nonchalant (i.e. seeming to be coolly unconcerned or indifferent) under these circumstances around your WW, but you are doing an excellent job in not letting your emotions get the best of you. You also seem to be doing some of the things that Michele Weiner Davis (author of 'Divorce busting') recomends in her 180 degree list (check it out with my shortcut below). Keep up the good work.

Can't really say if she is being more responsive or if she's just flip-flopping in her emotional ride on the roller-coaster. BUT...You sound like you are doing great. That's what matters at this point.

As for OM...remember...you are now the biggest threat to your W's relationship with him. When WS moves out and into open relationship with OP, then the spouse is the "unknown" quality. And as we all know, it's awful hard not to LB when there is someone who the WS won't let go of...be it the spouse or the OP.

Thank you all for your feed back. I must say I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing. Anyways here is an update. after posting here I hd to get my daughter up and feed and change her. My wife calls about 8:30 am. For no appearent reason just because she was bored at work. So we talk a bit and then hang up. She calls back about 10 minutes later and asks if I would come to her work with our daughter. She says you don't have to bt I would like it. So I load up my daughter and we g have a visit and talk a bit. We have still not talked about us or anything about our relationship since about 3 days ago. We had something to eat and then she said something that kinda brought a little ligh to my eye. She said I wish you didn't have to go but I have to get back to work. She walked us out to the car. I got my daughter situatedand then simply said goodbye and got into the car and left. She called me on my cell and said she would be over to pick up our daughter when she got off at 2:30. I said that would be fine and left it at that. Why is this day significant? She is actually calling me to talk or is finding reasons to call me. we had already agreed that she would come get our daughter after work. So why did she need to call to tell me again?

Sounds promising. She's pursuing you...whatever you're doing...keep it up. Don't let your hopes get the best of you. Keep your focus on what is and not what you want it to be. And keep your fingers crossed that she's coming out of her confusion.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by just a wifey 2002:
<strong>Sounds promising. She's pursuing you...whatever you're doing...keep it up. Don't let your hopes get the best of you. Keep your focus on what is and not what you want it to be. And keep your fingers crossed that she's coming out of her confusion.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A resounding ditto.

In a strange way you are giving OM a taste of his own medicine by becoming the 'new' OM in your WW's life. This could be a fun project knowing that OM will be pulling his hairs out and love busting your WW and all because you are doing a merciless plan A.

I do keep my hopes up and try t see the good in everything. But while my head is in the clouds over this my feet are still on the ground. I know she might take a turn the other way and I hav prepared myself for it. I know all to well the flip flopping she can do. So an update. Sh came over to get our daughter and she stayed for a little bit. We talked about her job and just little things. Then she said something strange. She said the house looked diffrent. Well other than me just doing a little claning nothing has changed. She then took a long walk around the house and just looked at things. She then said she needed to go because she had to cook dinner. I'm thinking to myself wouldn't that be nice because I can't cook worth a crap and I'm getting tired of sandwiches and mac and cheese. Anyways she goes to her car and I put the car seat in it for her. She told me to call her the next day to tell her how my jod interview went. I said ok. She left. My buddy called a little later and we went out. She called me twice while I was out mn my cell to ask me questins and things that realy didn't need to be asked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> One thing that upset me but I didn't show it was the fact that she said I shouldn't come to my daughter's birthday party because OM would be there. I think I'm going to my feelings aside and go just to show I'm a bigger man than that and I want to be there for my daughter. Does anyone hink I should or shouldn't go?

bumping

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One thing that upset me but I didn't show it was the fact that she said I shouldn't come to my daughter's birthday party because OM would be there. I think I'm going to my feelings aside and go just to show I'm a bigger man than that and I want to be there for my daughter. Does anyone think I should or shouldn't go?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IF AND ONLY IF you can control yourself from beating OM to a pulp, and act like a gentleman even if he provokes you into a fight, then by all means do go to your daughter's birthday. But do leave if OM wants to pick a fight with you because you certainly won't be depositing any love units in your WW's love bank by staying and getting into a fight with OM. The point is that you do not let your feelings for OM get the best of you and sabotage any efforts to woo your WW back.

BUT do some serious soul searching first before you decide to go. You may end up doing more harm than good if you go without being absolutely sure that you will be in control of yourself and the situation.

Good luck and God bless.

Your DD is turning 2? Happy Birthday to her...but I wouldn't go to the party if your W has asked you not to attend AND informed you that OM will be there. I would however have my own party for her with everyone I could think of inviting...including her mom. (Petty, I know, but I would definitely attempt to outdo whatever W did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

You're being in the same room, same building, same country as the OM is hard...don't put yourself through this. It's likely to make someone do something really stupid. I remember after I had remarried, my xH had remarried (xOW was PG at the time) and whenever my xH could get a "dig" into my H...he tried. You can just about bet this OM will attempt something, maybe being overly affection to your W or your DD, but something that is sure to make you see red. Why let them put you in that position?

If your DD was older and her birthday party meant a lot to her, it might be different, but at that age, the more parties the better, the more gifts, etc. She isn't even old enough to understand what a birthday is...she just knows she gets lots of extra attention...and if she gets it twice...that's great. jmho

thanks for the feed back. I think it would be better not to go. my family is having a party for my daughter tommarrow. My wife has to work and can not come. Anyways my wife called this morning wanting some more things that she had bought for our daughters party. I was nice and said I would bring them over no problem. I have been avoiding all confrontations completly. I just do what she wants and I don't think she knows what to say to it. I went to see my counsler today for the first time. That was a load off my shoulders. I really enjoyed it and things seemed better now. my counsler made a great point to me. Over the last year my wife and I had alot of stress and things go bad. From deaths to medical problems to thefts. My counsler believes my wife was depressed and the OM coming on to her was a boost to her self esteem. She mistook that boost and feeling of happiness as love. I don't know what do yu all think?

OUCH OUCH OUCHG OUCH. That one hurt. I stopped by my WW work to pick up something of mine that she had. We were talking and getting along great. Ten OM shows up unannounced. So I make my exit before he comes in. As I'm leaving I look back to see my wife hanging all over him kissing him and being all affectionet. I wanted to puke. That was a shot to my heart I didn't need today. That just makes me so mad. Oh well I need to stay positive and upbeat for my own sanity.