Today is our first snowfall. I often wonder what H is thinking...we have so many memories of winters together but I guess, it's all in the past and where I must keep it for now.

Today's "challenge" for me...his ? vacation in September surfaces sometimes and continues to bother me. Who was he with? Where did her go? Why does he continue to keep his destination secret? Is it because the truth is so awful?

And why, did he not come back even more determined to march to the lawyer and make things FINAL? Why does me buying furniture bother him as he so states? Why did me come on to me only LAST week? Why does he blame me for putting his life on hold?

I really do need some clariy because I feel like getting some answers.

Love to all

I don't think you'll ever get any straight answers from your H, b/c most of the questions, as purely legitimate as they are, mean nothing to him, as he honestly can't give you answers. He's far too confused himself, and really doesn't know what he wants.

As far as the vacation destination goes... it's over and done with. I agree, that it's rather selfish (and stupid too), that your H purposely not disclose where he went. But really, what does it matter? He's already been and gone. You couldn't change him going, and he won't give you any information until he's wants to (that's IF he ever wants to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

Your H will still have fond memories of your previous winters together. He would NEVER admit that to you of course! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But they're there. He'll only choose to remember the bad times.. b/c those are the times that he WANTS to remember, to rationalize his "reasoning" of abandoning his family.

It's time to make some NEW memories, Terrified. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Is there enough snow for you to take Jenna out to make a teeny tiny snowman? I know that Eric has been bugging me all morning to do that... but he's just getting over a cold (and still has the runny stubbed ub noze to prove it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). Poor kid! He's dying to get out there... and I think that I might just "gib in" to him this afternoon... even if just for 20 minutes or so.

Karen

T- HI... glad to hear you have snow, how beautiful... enjoy it. We don't get that much here in Tx... I remember it most yrs in GA.

It is difficult to KEEP WAITING, but don't wait... just go ahead and live the best you can without shutting the door.

Don't let him hav e you keeping your life on hold. YOu and your d can have wonderful times without him, as I am sure the two of you did sometimes when he was at work or hockey.

Sometimes you can even pretend he is off on a business trip.. if you just want to quit thinking about the pain and the sadness and the way he is acting and treating you.

My ys is with his dad and my os is with my parents this weekend. The quiet has been nice, but I miss them- including him. I love having a family. I still have my boys regardless of this man who chooses not to honor me and be good to me.

He still has the opportunity to come home, but my his so full of nutty thoughts... I seriously wonder at this point.. I know my situation is worse than others with the drinking..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Anyway, YOU WILL BE OK.

Now, can I do what I suggest to you to do? LIve my life and let him be to God... all the while leaving the door open, yet stopping all the terrible heartache he is putting me through.

A short memoire of mine:

Before my h and i married, I had decided he wasn't doing whaT he needed to do to be my husband... and for us to be together... I let him go and told him ... if he really wanted things to work out he would do x. I meant it, did not think he would do x... etc.

Basically I told him I did not think he was serious enough about me and etc.

Well he proved me wrong, amazingly... he pursued me like crazy, but I was convinced and done with him, being that he had not done what I thought a man would need to do to have me. Well he proved me wrong then... but anyway... that is just an example- I had let go.

Now I need to do that, you do too. I can see it... your kindness yet aloofness always works, right?

I don't know if I am helping.

But I see your h doing things that show he is still interested in you. Maybe if he thinks he can't have you and treat you this way? but you will still be civil then he will change his ways... I doubt if he is ugly or mean to ow, she still wants to talk to him...

I know how hard it is.

I am sure that vacation is tearing you apart- it is done with... don't even worry anymore... maybe some day you can talk about it, if you reconcile... for now let it go, let it go, let it go.. it will fester in you and make you angry and hurt the more you worry.

Now what does T need to do today?

I am cleaning out my pantry... A BIG JOB... and also going to do some work on both kids rooms...

Now to finally go have some coffee, I have put this off this am, as i was being lazy and even missed church, thinking I have so much housework to do, and I would do a little of it first... then worked too long and no time to get ready... Will go tonight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to you, HONEY

Terrified: Hang in there. You sound like me...everything that happens recalls some memory, especially with the holidays coming up.

I think if your H has 'come onto you' that's good! And if you buying furniture bothers him..that's good too! My H doesn't care what I do..couldn't care less, so any interest on your H's part is something to work with.

Well..better go. Don't know where you live, but where we live, north of Toronto, we're having a snowstorm today! Gotta go out and shovel I think. Take care!!

Hello all...thanks for your replies. I did go out and shovel the driveway with D. Stayed out there almost two hours. It is very pretty. Of course, last year's snowboots for D are TOO small and I've been looking for the right ones but haven't found them. Had to put lots of socks and her rubber boots on just for today. Put on her ski suit too. H had called to find out which mass I was going to (wouldn't want to go to the same one)...I had mentioned 10:15 the night before but didn't realize the car needed to be cleaned for an hour. Turned out I didn't make the 10:15 mass. Well, H called and blew up at me because I didn't phone him to tell him that things had changed,that I want to simply look like a victim, blah, blah...well, I just hung up. Didn't lose it. Just went out side with D and did my thing.

Of course, H drives up at about 11:40. I have a funny looking hat on...he laughs and says, nice hat. Of course, I have nylon pants on and H says...hope you're wearing something else underneath those pants (does he ever stop?). D looks cute. We're FINE except of course, for the rubber boots. Well, he finishes up the rest of the driveway (not much left at this point). D and I start making a snowman. H leaves to go to 12:00 mass. Tells D he'll be back to see it after church. Tells her he'll talk her on the sled.

Well, I come in to find another message from him apologizing for his behaviour on the first phone call but proceeds to say, "what kind of a mother are you...when I drive up and see rubber boots...do you know what does to me???"

I delete the message and just can't be bothered to even think about it.

Okay, I'm the first mother to miss the boat on buying boots on time...I used to work at a shoe store while in university and I always had parents rushing in after the first snowfall.

Anyway, don't want to make excuses for myself.

Make lunch for D, put Josh CD on followed by Barry Manilow. D loves "The Prayer". I'm also getting her into Barry. I'm forgetting about my earlier need to know about ? vacation. I guess those moments will always happen inopportunely.

Topie, Hope you're doing well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think you'll ever get any straight answers from your H </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you're absolutely right. It just bothers me that his life is ONE HUGE LIE.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He's far too confused himself, and really doesn't know what he wants. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wonder about this one.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is there enough snow for you to take Jenna out to make a teeny tiny snowman? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lots of snow out our way. Enough to make a BIG snowman, as D says but it's not very good packing snow. And it seems much warmer than yesterday. Hope you manage to take the little guy out.

Honey, Hope you had a nice day cleaning out your pantry.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is difficult to KEEP WAITING, but don't wait... just go ahead and live the best you can without shutting the door. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure I'm waiting for him anymore. I think I've accepted that he's not coming back. I guess I'm more nostalgic of what we lost.

You're defintely right about letting go of the ? vacation. I guess there's nothing I can do.

Take care

Kimmy, I actually work in downtown Toronto! So how many cm of snow did you get out your way?

Dear Terri,

Well all gloves are off...I really tried to "be there" for you....and help think all this through with you...but I'm done...and I beleive that it is all in vain and hopeless...

All of this is based on the singular fact that you have turned to BARRY MANNILOW !!!!!!!! UGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I am angry with you based on the fact that when I read your post yesterday at work that I can NOT stop singing Copa-Cabanna....double UUUGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Friends don't put songs like that in other peoples heads....

The only way I can see to salvage this...is to send you my whole Neil Diamond collection and see if that doesn't save you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sounds like your doing great!!!...Sounds like he's even being the slightest bit nicer...I think him apologizing for his phone call is a great thing...but of course he gets in another zinger...

Find great irony that he gets "mad" at you because he wants to be in control of which mass he she you they it attend. Image before God is his mantra I guess...
....Isn't Mass, Communion and worship all ABOUT fellowship...??and whats that other silly word those darn priests talk so much about....oh yeah forgiveness....hhhmmmmmm.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let go of the trip,..Terr, Who knows he could have layed low in his apartment (like a snake)...
And more importantly the results of the trip have been just more of the same old same old...
And if he did see her...He's not much a prize right now...and probably would just bore everyone to tears ranting and moaning about you...(which is a good thing for you)...cause people can only hear so much of how bad someone else before it gets real old...)...and makes the person ranting appear to have more of a problem than the so called inflictor of doom....

Wish we had snow..just cold here...and wet...
There is no doubt when the first snow-fall comes the mad scramble for boots will begin...some will triumph in what fits this year...and some will surely fail here... that my dear friend is what we call LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace to you terr....keep us posted...(and did you really say he came on to you last week..I hate to be intrusive here...but I am dying to hear about that...and what YOU did...but share what you feel like...)

WHEW...I think I hear Forever in Blue Jeans playing somewhere in my head....saved by Neil again...good bye Barry....

ARK

ROFLMAO @ ARK^^

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay, Ark and Pepper (you got me LOL)...I've let you in on a secret...Ark, will it restore your faith in me if I told you I also like Neil??

I'm a piano player...what can I say...I love Barry, Elton, Neil...I guess it's just that some of Barry's songs best describe how I am feeling...do you forgive me??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Friends don't put songs like that in other peoples heads.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I concede...Copa isn't one of my favorites either!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like he's even being the slightest bit nicer </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is BUT I'm almost certain it's because of his attempt to want to be friends. Steve H. told me after he spoke to him that one time that he's so deep in the EA that he can't SEE the possibility of change.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and did you really say he came on to you last week.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yes...he definitely did. Was VERY suggestive but I ignored it...perhaps I should act on need?

Who knows...

As always, thank-you wholeheartedly!

As far as the vacation goes, you can assume that he was up to no good. Either seeing OW- most likely- or spending money self indulgently on himself. You know this, because if the vacation wouldn't upset you, he would have been honest about it.

So don't bother asking him, just assume the worst. He always has the option to prove his "innocence". He could whip out his ticket stubs to Calcutta, and tell you about his volunteer stint at Mother Theresa's. Doubtful, though.

The main issue about the vacation is that as co-parents of a young D- you would appreciate being able to contact him in case of emergency. What if you became deathly ill, or (god forbid) D needed emergency medical treatment? Shouldn't he be reachable somehow?
In the event of divorce, this could be a factor in custody. Would he take D with him to an unknown destination, without informing you of his and her whereabouts?
I know a case where the father, when he takes his child on vacation, has to submit his itinerary, in advance, to the mother. One time he changed his itinerary at the last minute and the mother refused to let the child go with him. She was within her rights legally (although she was acting out of vindictiveness- she hates the father). (I'm not recommending this kind of behavior).

Well, thank goodness I only have Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" stuck in my head--playing this morning at the gym, had to sing along in a huffing, breathless sort of way...oh for those college days.

Terri, you know, if he's upset about the boots, he could go buy D a pair. Dads DO that sort of thing when needed.

For a man determined to march to the lawyer...he's not exactly big on follow through. 2 months, no papers, right? In order to initate a divorce...he has to actually do something. So far all he's done is threaten. Not the same as action.

I'd be really tempted the next time he brings up "it's over" to say "Fish or cut bait, buddy, get on with it, would ya!!!!"

But then, I did so struggle with Plan A <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

So ignore my fish advice.

Keep YOUR actions & words positive, proactive, non-reactionary. Even in the face of his negativity...that he's not divorced, that he can't move on (that's HIS choice to stay in limbo, not a husband, but not divorced), that you've bought furniture.

One of these days he'll realize YOU aren't the problem in his life, and likely never were. I just hope it is before you throw in the towel, but I don't know if his timing is that good.

You will be ok. Keep your focus on your beautiful daughter and staying strong.

Terrified: How much snow?? I think we all got about the same amount..25 cm, I think? Anyway, enough for me to need an hour to shovel the driveway.

Small world!

Hope you're feeling better today.

Hello all,

Espoir, You're absolutely right.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know this, because if the vacation wouldn't upset you, he would have been honest about it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess this is what sometimes bothers me the most...that the truth can/will be painful.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In the event of divorce, this could be a factor in custody. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I plan to use this if the D process ever starts. I think this is one of the reasons why he hesitates to proceed. He knows he stands to lose much of his current freedom with D.

Lor, Nice to hear from you. I won that the MEATLOAF album back at a Grade 10 dance (spot dance). I'm aging myself but since then, another one of my favorites has been Paradise by the Dasboard Light...am I saved Ark/Pepper?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Terri, you know, if he's upset about the boots, he could go buy D a pair. Dads DO that sort of thing when needed. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're absolutely right. He could just buy them himself but BEFORE he does that, he has to prove my incompetence and THEN, he'd go out and buy them. Funny thing...I did rush out to Walmart and buy a pair and of course, there were many other parents doing the same thing! Another strange thing...I was on the elevator going up to my office yesterday...two GUYS were talking about having to rush out to WALMART on Sunday to get books. I broke out laughing...I didn't know the guys but ended meeting them because I had to explain my burst of laughter!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For a man determined to march to the lawyer...he's not exactly big on follow through. 2 months, no papers, right? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's right. Nothing. Actually, I casually gave him an assets list as what I call a working paper. He said sarcastically, "yeah, right...didn't even open the file." I had attached a word document to an email. In any case, I thought that was what he had wanted and told him so but he brushed it off. This brush off was only yesterday so I'm a little confused.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just hope it is before you throw in the towel, but I don't know if his timing is that good. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure about staying in the game anymore. Did you ever feel tired of it all? Is that why you started dating? Were you still wearing your rings or had you given up outwardly?

Hi Kimmy, We also got 25 cm and it took me almost two hours to clear the driveway AND my car! My back was killing me yesterday. I'm 5'2 and approx 99lbs...so the shovel combined with snow were a little much...but my D's laugher kept me going!

Take care and thanks to all!

Yummm I love meatloaf...with lots of mashed potatos of course...ha

Love that album..there just the word album dates us all...

Almost got my self in trouble this summmer one day was cleaning the kitchen and jammin to Jimmy Buffets CD and four year old took great likeing to Cheeseburger in Paradise...and we are all jumping around dancing to it...but what comes on next...Why don't we Get Drunk and scre-...YIKES>... that's the last song I need her singing on the way into Preschool..or in the back seat of grandmas car....

I warn you now ....I unequivically draw the line at Freebird and or Stairway to Heaven....don't even call me if it comes to those songs....

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you casually gave him the assets list...Great show of strength..even when you don't feel so strong...

Peace and jimmy buffet to you today....(although it's a little cold today)
ARK

Terri,
I think I started dating because
1) who recovers after 7 separations?
2) I discovered H emailing the OW right after we'd been to our counselor where he said he wanted to end the sep & wanted our marriage. The email was the last straw (he also wouldn't let me see it).

Serving divorce papers was giving up.

Dating was burning bridges.

I wore my rings intermittently the last year of the separations, I think I wore them during reconciliation 6, took them off separation 7. We put our rings on about 6 weeks after we reconciled the last time, on a vacation to Mexico.

As for the snowboots, my daughters are at the high school age where it is not cool to ever wear snowboots...even coats are often worn only with my urging, never mind gloves, hats...and this is South Dakota, south of you, but still home of winter wonderland.

Hello all, Just a brief update...

H made another pass at me last night. H consulted me on some financial decisions HE was making. H danced with myself and D. H cleaned out some drawers and actually volunteered to help clean out the spare bedroom and the garage.

In other words, H was almost human last night.

But of course, "humanhood" doesn't last. And I had no such expectations but we can always dream...

This morning, I received a civil email indicating H had reviewed the list and that we should set something up to review it. Boy, is he playing games or is really serious...only time will tell.

Nice email...can you believe it but very businesslike...and you'll be proud to hear that I responded in "Ark" fashion..."whatever you feel is right..."

Politeness and civility thrown right back...

Ark, LOL...Jimmy Buffet???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I warn you now ....I unequivically draw the line at Freebird and or Stairway to Heaven....don't even call me if it comes to those songs.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, so who did you get stuck with dancing STH at a school dance...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you casually gave him the assets list...Great show of strength..even when you don't feel so strong...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I don't...but what's your take on his polite email review of the list??

Peace and BARRY to you...

Lor, After the 7th separation, did you still feel love and hope in your heart? Did you feel attracted to him??? Sometimes, it's as if I feel nothing. It's been SO long since I've kissed him. I think it's been since July. Was it ever a long period for you?

Sorry...I just need to validate some of my feelings right now.

I know I still love him but it's not enough...

ark,
I just want to tell you I like reading your posts. You've got a great way of saying things clearly.

But, how can you not like Led Zepplin's Stairway To Heaven? Sta-haairrrr Wayuh toooo heh vuuuuunnnnn.

And, it seems appropriate to share this, a week ago I sang Paradise by the dashboard light at a Karoke costume party, me & 3 guys. Mrs. Zorro with Elvis, Goofy and John Wayne Bobbit (jamies with a bloody fly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ). Oh my, what a moment. Special. Fortunately no video or audio recordings, only still photos. The only better moment would have been when Zorro (my H) sang the Sandy part from Grease's "Summer Lovin' " with Elvis. It was Elvis' party, he sang all the songs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Terri,
The Karoke party wasn't what I meant a couple weeks ago when I said I was re-balancing my life!

My H wasn't as constant at distancing as your H is. During the first separation he didn't want to be lovers, during the last, I didn't. In between we were. I was pretty shameless at seducing him. In my mindset, I assumed he would turn me down, so when he didn't it was a nice surprise. I don't know if that makes sense. Making sense during that time was not one of my strengths!

I'm not sure filling his sexual needs while he was out of the house was the right decision, but it is what I chose to do. But then, I had to deal with the STD issue too. When I finally said no to sex, it was because I wanted him as a husband, not just a lover and was no longer willing to settle for having a part of him when he wouldn't even live with me.

My lovebank became seriously drained, but I always loved my H, or at least my memories of the man he had been. However I didn't WANT to love him anymore and I was not only sad at losing him, but angry that I had to. My H is gorgeous, athletic, graceful, he was always attractive to me...except for the look in his eyes when he was trying to distance. That was my time of wondering if an alien had replaced him and I thank God I never see that look anymore.

Your H, dancing in the evening, asset list-making in the morning sounds like he's still trying to get a rise out of you, push you into some kind of behavior that will either make up your mind to be rid of him, or make his decision, or even make his decision more solid for him.

Your descriptions of your interactions with him sound much more cordial than it was awhile back when violence seemed so incipient. At the very least, it sounds like you are managing visitation & handoffs in a more pleasant way. Even if it would be no more than that, it's a positive thing for your daughter to see the 2 of you interacting in a cooperative way.

I think if you can continue coping with him in this proactive way, that's the best way to handle him for the time being. When it is time to change, either he'll initiate something--divorce or reconciliation, or you'll see the need for change.

Keep us posted with what you need from us.

Hello Lor,

Your party sounds like so much fun...is it okay if I'm just a bit envious? Miss those times with H...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H wasn't as constant at distancing as your H is. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, this is what concerns me. He's been fairly consistent. I guess that means something. Although I must accept his decision, I can honestly tell you I'm not at all ready for divorce. The WORD scares me but it doesn't seem to bother him.

I don't know anymore. Is her all talk? God only knows.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My lovebank became seriously drained, but I always loved my H, or at least my memories of the man he had been. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I'm here exactly. When you were at this stage, how do you accept that divorce was a possible reality?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My H is gorgeous, athletic, graceful, he was always attractive to me...except for the look in his eyes when he was trying to distance. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG...this is exactly the way I feel. The look in his eyes hurts so much because he is, in truth, so FAR away.

My D was SO happy last night. She was the one that asked my H to hold "MOMMY's" hand in our dance.

Is it okay to still be "terrified"?

Thank-you Lor...I really need to talk at times.

Lor,

I hate when you go to a party and Elvis is there...he always hogs the mike...sheesh....even when it's not his party...such a drama queen he is... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let's see last Karoke song I did was Love Shack with two unknown accomplices...

And if anyone can explain why it is that no matter what genre of band you are out seeing be it rock to blues to jazz..the same drunk guy is always there...where ever there is requesting Freebird??!!!

Haven't ya'll heard that same drunk speech slurred guy in the back...yelling..."play freebird dude"...I swear I heard him once at a Peter Paul and Mary concert...There's dating myself for you...but i was raised on them by my parents (in fact one of them probably lives right next door to barry)>...

Ter I wouldn't bring the list up again...and if he tries to nail down a time to review...I'd be allusive about setting up anything to concrete...just continue to be nonchalant about it....don't commit to anything....

And with him being a little flirtatious might be time for a slight 180...a busy evening out with "someone"...or even asking about old single friend of his/yours...or just the mentioning of a singles aquaitance....Or just mention someone he doesn't know...met some guy on elevator..he seemed nice......hmmmmm.....

Terrified you sound great and we all here for you....

And Lor are you sure about the no video part..or just hiding behind the anominity of the ole internet????
I would love to have seen that...

easy listening to all
ARK

Ark & Terri,
H sang Loveshack! And now that I think of it, Copacabana as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

The party was fun.

Now...this being MB and me being such an oldtimer, here's the back story:

5 years ago, at this same guy's party, I met the woman who would become the OW. It wasn't a costume party that year, and for some reason, I felt & likely looked really frumpy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , weight up, bad hair day, red hair, dark roots. The OW looks a lot like Lisa Kudrow, Phoebe from Friends--thin, tall, blonde, up-in-the air nose. And dang it, she was mean to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

Flouncing and flipping her long hair "Oh, you didn't know your H & I went to breakfast today?"

Shoot, I didn't even know she existed! Turns out she had been on his pool team that fall--the only year he has ever played pool and he said he didn't think I'd enjoy tagging along <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You know how light dawns & things come together later....

Anyway, 5 years ago, I had a lousy time at that party, wanted to leave, H didn't, I got mad, it was within walking distance of home and I left about 11, H didn't get home until after 2. I've long ago accepted I shouldn't have left that party, shouldn't have left my drinking H with a woman I realized was hunting him. Except, the PA still didn't start for another 6 months, but I have little doubt in retrospect that the EA caught an extra spark that night.

And when he confessed his A to me 14 months later and said the OW's name I knew exactly who she was, H didn't remember I'd met her, had no idea what a huge, ugly impression she had left on me.

This was the first time I've been back to what is an annual party, H may have gone either of the next 2 years (98, 99) when we were separated Oct-Nov, I don't know. Not important enough to ask now, one thing I'm sure of is that at this point I know enough bordering on too much about his A.

So, FOW wasn't there this year, from last years pics (the party pics go in an ALBUM), not there last year either. And, I didn't worry that she would be there. I didn't trigger. These are definitely my H's friends, not mine, but my H wanted to go and that was all the reason I needed to agree.

And this year, we both stayed, and sang, and had fun until 1:30 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . And, maybe they are my friends? Nah, but that's ok. I was comfortable, looked a little dangerous, my take on Mrs. Zorro included black leather and somehow, I couldn't keep the lacings quite tight LOL. Did I just say I'm not laced too tight?

Not trying to hijack your thread, Terri, but thought you might like knowing that eventually much of the hurt fades. Even the things you can blame yourself for.

Okay, you guys are really keeping the smile on my face...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ter I wouldn't bring the list up again...and if he tries to nail down a time to review...I'd be allusive about setting up anything to concrete...just continue to be nonchalant about it....don't commit to anything.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are your thoughts on his initial review? One day, he brushes it off. The next day, which is after a "nearly human and family experience", he becomes business like...almost too much...or maybe it's just my wishful thinking all over again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Terrified you sound great and we all here for you.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This comment comes at a good time...my mother just finished telling me how it's over and I should just start putting together a new life for myself...that she hasn't seen any changes in me...that I'm still holding on to a lost cause...etc. etc.

Lor, Another huge similarity...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anyway, 5 years ago, I had a lousy time at that party, wanted to leave, H didn't, I got mad, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Something I used to do because I was really down on myself...I used to always walk into a room and think everyone else was so much better. After I had D, it was only worse. I didn't want to leave her on the weekends. I'd go to a party but leave H behind so that I could be hero mother...I felt so insecure leaving my D behind. Didn't give a rat's [censored] that I was disappointing H because he loved me so much...and now, do I ever miss our social life!

I guess we all learn to appreciate and cherish what we lost...so that if we ever get it back, we'll definitely do things differently.

Hugs to both of you.