Hello all,

I have been lurking for some time and I have read the entire web site, and bought the appropriate Books, HNHN, LBers, etc... And while I have learned a great deal( Duh, who doesn't! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). I still believe that I am in a unique although not uncommon situation. Before I pose the question, here is the story...

Like most people here, we thought that just being married would entitle us to eternal bliss simply because we were married. Over the four years we have been married the relationship slowly fell apart. It came to a head two months ago we she asked me to move out. Because I thought that it was all my fault, I did. Fast forward through many strange <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> days to election day and I got the two for one special. She confessed to having two affairs. One last summer with one of my best friends which she claims was "just physical" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and one (EA and PA) currently in progress with the guy she dumped for me 7 years ago. This is a case of extra thick fog. She justifies it as something she should have done in the first place.( eg. "I should have never married you. I should have dated then went back to him"). My guess is that the the OM sees this as something that is "meant to be".

Anyway, all the pieces came together the instant she fessed up. All the defensiveness, going out w/o me, traveling w/o me, evading her own parents and good friends, made "sense" given this "new" information.

Fortunately for me I was already on prozac and undergoing treatment for depression. In hind sight( always 20-20 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), I suppose I kind of already suspected but instead of confronting the problem I withdrew more and more.

As you can tell I have a lid on my emotions and want to work it out. We are scheduled to enter counciling a week from Monday. I have some reason to believe that she has ended to PA with the ExBF but I know that she is still in contact with him. Of course, I am in Plan A.

Sorry for all the sarcasm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and rambling. I know my resposibility in all of this. I love my wife and I really am hurting. This is my way of venting.

Any words of wisdom for dealing with this AAA rated fog? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ November 17, 2002, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: Luki ]</small>

bump

As I am hardly in a situation to give "love advice" anymore, I will tell you that maybe just hang in there until your counseling session starts and they will be able to help you. I'm also sure that by the time you get home from work tonight othe "members" will have come through with remarkable advice. I'm just a junior.....

bump again.

I understand totally. I never dreamed this part of my marriage. I thought marriage was sacred and things like A's didn't happen not to me anyway. My H has been in a fog for a very long time. I think he is beginning to find his way through it though. I'm really in no position to give advise but be patient. I know there is hope. I love my husband with all of my heart and soul. Always have and always will. He lost his way but now he's finding his way back. I couldn't give up on him even as bad as I wanted too. Somedays I still do but I'm starting to see the man I fell in love with again. There's hope. I'm not very religious and I don't know if you are but I feel much better about things since I let go of control and put it all in God's hands. He brought me to it and he'll bring me through it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />