I think I had yet another lightbulb moment the other night. But it's only really sinking in today.
I have been doing some research into Al-anon, as I am the daughter of an alcoholic (who is forever in denial about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). I have seen so many of those same destructive behaviours from my childhood resurface in my very own M. I believe that my H is a sex addict, and that 'addiction' has very similar effects as alcoholism. I have also realized that I am a co-addict. Only I turn to food.
I'm working on me, still. I beleive this will be a lifelong process, and I'm ready for the challenge! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Back to my thread title: Pity or Love?
I took a short quiz on an al-anon site, and one of the questions asked was, "do you confuse pity and love?". OMG!!! YES!!!! I do!!!!
I've been thinking about this for a few days now. And I'm thinking about the love I feel for my kids, and for friends, and for most family <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . And then I think of what I have considered to be "love" for my H. But you know what? You guessed it! I don't think I've ever actually LOVED my H!!! In fact, I think that I've pitied him for our entire relationship, only b/c the "feelings" I got were so comfortable, b/c I have had those for my entire life b/c of my father!!!
My mind is going a 100 miles a minute here. This particular realization on my part, will DEFINITELY help me with my detatchment, emotionally, from my H.
Part of me wants to call my H at work and tell him, "guess what!!???!!"... but I won't do that. He's got enough of his own issues to deal with (if ever he will??), and I really shouldn't pour salt into his already festering wounds.
I just wanted to share this latest discovery with all of you. It has really helped me to "get it" about myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Karen
