Yesterday my 11 year old and I went to the gas station/mini-mart near our home. While we were checking out, I heard someone say my name. When I turned around, there was a man who I dated long ago - 1979-1980 - before I even knew my H. He asked how I have been and I said I am fine and how about you. he said fine, good to see you, take care. D and I left.

In the car, D asked me who he was and I said, "that's the first man who ever asked me to marry him.". My daughter is at that romanticism age and wanted to know all the details. I explained that he and I were both very young when we dated and it was long ago. My D told me she thought he was "hot" lol.

The end - right? Nope! My daughter told my H about "mommy's old boyfriend" and I still haven't heard the end of it. H is off the deep end and has told me that I need to find a ne gas station and that I have to stop telling my daughters about former lovers!?!?!

H is so angry and I don't understand why. Does anyone understand it? I'm at a loss as to how to handle this.

Doesn't make much sense but the shoe's on the other foot per say. Even though it was harmless he probably felt threatened. My husband does the same thing. He gets very defensive if someone flirts the least little bit with me. Odd to me too.

Hello,

Yes, I'm new. But hey, "young minds, fresh ideas".

I'll add the H's perspective. I'll preface this with the fact that my WW also bumped in to her ExBF and he took full advantage of our situation. Anyhoo, my opinion is that it is "guy thing" and stems from the fact the we(us guys) are feeling guilty about not holding up our end of the relationship. However, that is no reason to take it out on you. I do not have kids so I cannot comment on that aspect.

Maybe some expression of empathy and a POJA on the matter will bring him around.

TD,
My daughers are 14 & 17. I've talked about old boyfriends, a fiance. My H told them it was a good thing I didn't marry that guy cuz then they'd look like (he used most of his fingers to draw the corners of his eyes down, his nose up, and his mouth out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Relationships interest girls. I think it opens a door to talking about the hows & whys of dating, that it an opportunity to get to know what you like in a person, that someone can be "almost" right, love, sex. So parentwise, I think telling your daughter who this guy was formed some good communication.

Your H's reaction, possessiveness, jealousy, maybe a sudden concrete realization of how easily, almost randomly, an affair can ignite. Or maybe of what he risked.

I think I'd tell him that you love him, are committed to him and will always let him know if you run into someone who was important in your past. And, that keeping lines of communication open with your adolescent daughter is important, as she nears those years when girls automatically do some withdrawing.

And, if he wants you to change gas stations, that's not a real problem, right? Or, HE can take over that responsibility <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

If it was my H, I also think I'd try to engage his sense of humor.

TD,

I like what Lor had to say about teenagers and their natural curiosity about relationships. What an interesting opportunity to explore and discuss relationships with her.

I also love the seredipity of your situation. Apparently your H has some strong feelings that probably need to be discussed further once he's calmed down a little bit. If it were my H I would find it fascinating to explore the depth of his feelings about this.

There appears to be some "natural consequences" happening here. Natural in that his reaction has to do with his feelings from the A. This sounds like a good learning opportunity. Let us know if he is enlightened further. Thanks, CSue

Thanks for the replies. My H is acting like a baby about this. He refuses to discuss it and I can't help but laugh, which infuriates him. It was so, so innocent and unimportant but he insists that it is "a payback". I think he's being ridiculous (although I haven't told him that).

stillcrazy4him, my H was never the jealous type. I'm sure it's fallout from his own A that makes him this way, I just don't understand why now.

Luki, fresh opinions are always appreciated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I agree that its a "guy thing". POJA is a good plan but I can't really control running into someone who I haven't seen or heard from in 20 years. That is what my H doesn't seem to understand. I've been honest with him about my past so he was aware of this former boyfriend.

Lor, I agree with you. It was a good means of communicating with my daughter. She thought it was really "cool" that I had a life before marriage lol. Thanks for the insight into the possible reason for H's reaction. I think you hit it right on the nose.

CSue, yep I would love to explore his feelings on this, if only he were willing to share them. I'll try talking to him again tonight. Maybe he'll have realized how silly he's being about this and be more willing to talk.

Thanks again!