It's really strange how the fog works. I think it's getting thinnerbut then maybe not. MY WW does one thing and says another. Are there diffrent degrees of the fog. Can it be worse at times? My WW forgave me for the CC incident. I promised to pay all the late fees. I guess she just needed some time to be mad. So anyways I stop by her work upon her request. We talked a little and seem to be friends again. So toldme she didn't care if her and OM worked out or not which she has told me before, but she said she was not coming back to me if they broke up. Well if I have something to say about and I keep up my plan A she will be back. I know this stuff works I have used it before but there was no affair before. This time it's a lot harder. Before she only moved out said she needed some time. I think married life scared the first tiome she left. A friend of mine is going to move in with me. I think having him around will make the house not feel so lonly. My WW thinks it's a good idea. But then again can I really believe what she says right now? He also told me he would leave if my Wife were to come back. I'm glad to have a friend like that willing to help me out when I really do need a friend. He has been really supportive just like all of you. I consider all of you dear friends and thank god every day for the good things in my life and togive my wife the knowledge and strength to come home. Lets hope for the best and I hope each and everyone of you happiness and the best of luck. Lets all pray for each other and things will always turn out for the best no matter how painful it is.

Hey wrngler, who's going to remain angry with a guy like you?

Just out of curiosity, what do you think her reaction would be if you said to her something like this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"You are absolutely right, there is no future for us as a married couple, and it hurts me to see you suffering because you are married to me. I love you so much that I would rather lose you as my wife than to be the source of your unhappiness. I will contact an attorney and file for divorce as soon as possible"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not post this as a joke but as a reminder of the old saying 'If you love her, let go of her. If she comes back to you, she is yours, but is she doesn't, then she never was' and because some FWS did wake up when their divorce was becoming a reality.

Remember that the more she perceives that you are persuing her, the more she will try to get away from you.

I have thouht of saying that but I think I need to do a little more showing I care and being a friend. If things remain the same then I will try that. She is growing closer to me right now so I am going to keep doing what I'm doing for now. If there is a stall or anything then maybe. Right no she thinks I am moving on. I think she is trying to get me to pursue her right now. I am just going to sit back relax and see what happens. I have been thinking about going out on a couple dates. Nothing serious just as friends to see if that shakes things up. One step at a time. I have a feeling when her and OM finally blow up, which shouldn't be too much longer at the rate he is going, She will change her tune then I wil have the upper hand and it will be marriage counseling and recovery.

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I kinda liked what coffeeman had to say...how about saying everything but the last sentence? Agreeing with her, even if you don't completely, may put the ball back into her court.

Glad the CC thing got cleared up.

WW called a little bit ago. Kinda sounds like she is contemplating moving back in. I'm not sure. She sayed something to the effect that if I move back in and I'm not saying wether I am or not that I would never feel as if I didn't belong. It was weird how she said it. I jut wish I cold get into her mind and know what she was thinking. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wrngler:
<strong>"WW called a little bit ago. Kinda sounds like she is contemplating moving back in. I'm not sure. She sayed something to the effect that if I move back in and I'm not saying wether I am or not that I would never feel as if I didn't belong. It was weird how she said it. I jut wish I cold get into her mind and know what she was thinking. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hold your horses boy. This may or may not be a positive sign that she and OM are about to call it quits, so don't get your hopes up only to see them crash and burn if it turns out to be a false signal. Don't expect anything right now and you won't be severely disappointed. Your love bank is pretty deeply in the black and the best you can do is to stay the course with your plan A.

Remember that Harley states that often times a BS accepts the WS without a plan for marital recovery and the causes for the A are never dealt with and the M goes back to the way it was before the A with all the dangerous elements still in place for another A later on. Even though the first time your W left you it had nothing to do with an A, it seems that you and her did not work on a plan of marital recovery
and because of this you and her find yourself in somewhat similar situation, but this time with the inclusion of an OM.

I would strongly suggest that you start forming a plan of marital recovery so that in the eventuality that she wants to come back to you, you'll have one ready to be implemented. You can tell her it's not for the purpose of assigning blame to any one of you for the A but to help both of you to work on the things each of you are deficient in that brought you to this situation. It's better to be ready than to not be and end up repeating history.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>"I have been thinking about going out on a couple dates. Nothing serious just as friends to see if that shakes things up."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unless you guard your feelings really well ( by acknowledging your own vulnerability at this point in time) and do not share intimate details of your life, you are literally playing with fire. Besides, unless the woman you are dating is an old friend with knowledge of your situation, any woman that finds out that you are married and committed to your wife, is highly likely to say to you 'ciao baby' and close the door in your face. So please think very well before contemplating going this dangerous route.

Thanks. I'm not getting too many hopes up. I've heard all of this before. I do have a plan to go to counseling and try to work it out. When I said dates I meant I would go out with old friends and as a group of people. Just to show her that I'm able to go out and have fun. Unitl the final divorce is signed won't be looking for anyone new. Talked to WW again today. we got along great. OM still can't get a job. She is geting really tired of supporting him. I think it's funny

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Wrngler have you noticed how WS almost always choose losers? I guess it's true that the WS's self esteem is so low that even the town drunk has a shot at being the OP. I'll bet your WW is probably not too proud as far as her choice in OM. I hope that she learns that good quality men and women do not let themselves become OP.

ok-I am getting the withdrawl/fog thing-I think-finally. The more I get ME together-the better we are. DIFFICULT to not ask questions/talk/try to fix it.......but ok- I am doing my art-teaching my class-taking my XANAX and talking to all of my ''counselors.'' The following piece is I think ? a very PLAN A thing for the wandering spouse to read-thru the fog. I'll be waiting for feedback! at GOAWAYNOW101@aol.com

LEAVING THE CITY OF REGRET

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet, I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip".

I got tickets to fly there on "WISHIHAD" airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my baggage, which, I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been.

No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town. As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party.

I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there. First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share. Then Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance. And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.

Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pityparty" could be canceled by ME!

I started to realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, "I can't change yesterday, but I do have the power to make today a wonderful day".

I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the city of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address.

Am I sorry for the mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, if you are planning a trip to the city of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now.

Instead, take a trip to a place called Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myself and the New Starts are so very helpful.

By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. You too, can find this new town, ust ask the Lord to show you the way. Now I live on ICANDOIT street.