Dear Conqueror,

I haven't seen you post in some time. Can you please offer us an update?

Love,
Jo

dear resilient-i have been wondering the same thing. it seems like everyone has disappeared. i dont even know 80% of the people anymore.

how are you?

Hi Nikko,

I'm fine, thank you for asking.

I see you and H are in recovery. That's good, altho I know it can be work. How are things going?

Yeah, I agree ..... seems a bunch of members just dropped off. I would really like to hear from Conqueror, wonder how she's doing.

Jo

hey jo- i thought we were in recovery. he lied about a bunch of things and went to a strip club again. he aint gettin it! i asked him to leave. he hasnt and he had his first appt. with steve this morning. we didnt talk yet-hopefully it went well. steve is my last hope. if not-i'm out of here. i just found out a friend, who is 33, has colon and liver cancer. never smoked and was such a health nut. life is definately too short to stay in limbo more than a year.

other than all this im doing good. feel strong, even though im in the one year anniversary area.

gotta run-catch you later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nikko:
<strong>hey jo- i thought we were in recovery. he lied about a bunch of things and went to a strip club again. he aint gettin it! i asked him to leave. he hasnt and he had his first appt. with steve this morning. we didnt talk yet-hopefully it went well. steve is my last hope. if not-i'm out of here. i just found out a friend, who is 33, has colon and liver cancer. never smoked and was such a health nut. life is definately too short to stay in limbo more than a year.

other than all this im doing good. feel strong, even though im in the one year anniversary area.

gotta run-catch you later.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nik,

I'm sorry to hear about the continued dishonesty, Nik. I know how much lieing can damage a marriage.

I know you post over at Recovery, there are so many wise people over there (Leilana, Twila, etc.). I'm constantly amazed at all the good advice and support that's offered there, not unlike GQ II.

So of course you know there will be back sliding in recovery. It's to be expected in any addiction. And I think it's a good thing to make goals and keep an eye on the time spent going thru this, but I also think that people's feelings and their "learning curve" (for lack of a better term) regarding habits don't perform to an egg timer.

It's that dance we all do with our spouse. They have familiar dance-steps (old "bad" habits) and we dance the way we have always done with them (our reaction to their bad habits). Then they make the next comfortable unchanged dance-step and we follow in suit.

Do you think you are still dancing the same steps you use to with your H, Nikko? Or, do you think you've made new steps but he is still trying to dance the same 'ole way (i.e., doesn't GET IT)?

Jo

i'm definately dancing to a new tune and doing new steps. husband is still trying to do the old two-step. its ok-he is in counseling and can learn like i did. it will just take time.

and if he is unwilling to learn and grow, i'll deal with that if it happens.

got my fingers crossed.