It has been a very long time since I updated here. I have positive news regarding our marriage/seperation.

My W and the OM no longer live with one another. My W, with the help of her counselor, moved into a new residence with her ExMIL. The ExMIL and my W are working on restoring her life to normalcy.

My W sounds so much better, looks better, and I truly can see that the fog is lifting. The OM is still making contact from time to time, but my W is doing good in not making contact, by the boundaries that she, her counselor, ExMIL have set.

This couldn't have come at a better time for me, because, honestly, I was nearing the end of what was left in my lovebank. I truly know that this woman is my soulmate. I never knew what that word even was before coming here, and I know that she was that to me. That is why, I believe, that I have made it this long without her.

I am still plan A'ing and although the distance between Houston and Dallas, makes things very difficult, this past weekend was very rewarding, seeing her in her new setting.

This past weekend, she and I held hands some, hugged many times, and I kissed her cheek many times, without her pulling back from me as she's done in the past. She and I slept with one another, falling asleep in each others arms.

She is full of regret and sorry for what she has done. She isn't sure where we go from here and I'm pretty much in the same boat.

My chances with HPD, are good and working in law enforcement is very important to me, but my marriage is MORE important. I'm not going to halt the attempt of employment with HPD, but the distance between her and I, if we decide to reconcile must be dealt with. I believe, though, that IF I do make it onto the department, that she will eventually move back here, being that I will be able to provide the financial security that I have had such a hard time doing over the past several years.

She is finally telling me that she loves me again, and sounds more comfortable saying it. She misses me she says. I'm not sure what to do from here. We have grown apart quite a bit and trying to regain the lost ground is going to be VERY hard work. She has invited me to move back to Dallas at any point that I want.

I have waited nearly four years for the affair to end on its own. I have done some horrible things trying to help it along, and I regret each and everyone of them. I don't regret waiting for her though, and I know I have lost the respect of many people here for waiting so long. I know that the time will come eventually that if she and I are not where I feel we need to be, that I will have to move on, and that saddens me. I'm about taking care of me and the boys still and when she falls completely out of the fog and control that has held her for so long, I think we are going to be okay. I have done sooo much growing also, although being without her each and everyday has been the hardest thing in my life to accept.

She told me not to long ago.. that MB was right. Right about what.. ? I'm not sure. But she said it in reference to the ending of the affair I believe. I didn't ask and didn't want to press her for more information regarding MB than she was willing to share. I hope eventually that she will be here with me and in unison she and I can help other couples through all of this.

I haven't asked her to do a no contact letter yet, because I'm not totally sure that she wants to restore our marriage just either. She has been in this new house only about 2 weeks and away from the OM all she can. She needs to find herself for a little while and make the adjustments from being in the affair. I think that she is going to come out of this a very strong, well versed lady, who will have lots of gifts of help to offer.

She definetly said that if we try and reconcile, that we need to be in counseling, of course I agree. In order to make the next steps to reconcile or move on.. I think counseling with steve is the way to go. Although, I'm counting on the new career to help me there financially, to put us in counseling, especially over the distance between us.

I'm happy for the most part for her that she is going to be okay, away from the OM's control and behavior. I can sleep better at night knowing that she is safer. THAT has been the most important thing to me was the safety of our childrens mother. Now that safety has arrived, for the most part, its time to start rebuilding.

Thank you for listening.

Husband2You: WOW!! That is a long Plan A! I admire your dedication.

I don't know your whole story, but this post of yours is very encouraging and you must feel fantastic after all this time.

Take it slow... It must have been wonderful to hold your wife again. Keep us posted!

Husband2you that sounds great!

Maybe things are turning your way…

Best of luck!

dear H2U-so glad to hear from you. your story is amazing. and if anyone has lost respect for someone who has this kind of love and conviction in their heart is out of their mind.

im glad to hear about the job, i just lost mine because of all this. long story-i wont bore you.

anyway, glad to hear from you and hang in.

H2Y,

It is good to see some good things happening for you. I hope that this is the first step in healing your family.

Indy

Thanks for checking in on me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I appreciate it.

Good to see you Indy. Happy Birthday by the way. Ooh Rah! How are you?

H2U,

You should change your sig line to mm/yy recovery <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I am glad it works out for both of you.

-rh-

Redhat,

I was just reading another of your posts and I think that your 'english' is getting so much better. I had trouble when you first came here to MB understanding some of your posts and now I am able to get through all of them without going 'huh'. Just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you.

Um.. by the way.. what is mm/yy recovery? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL cause I don't know.

Your sig states that you are currently separated ...

"Male/35/Texas
Married 11 years, 5 boys [16, 12, (SS's)], [10, 7, 2 Ours] 10 and 7 Y/O are with me.
D/Day 02/1999
A/Ended? 09/2002
Plan A - 07/01 to current.
Currently Seperated."

You need to add Recovery - mm/yy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Redhat,

I'll do that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I apoligize if my last posting to you sounded condescending. It wasn't meant to be. I just wanted to say I'm proud of you. k?

Don't worry, at least I have an excuse of "English is my third language". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Now days I am not as fat fingered, I use to hit the [enter] key too soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Again congrat !!! and make sure you follow 4 rules of recovery. -rh-

H2Y,

Good to hear such great news. Now don't go jumping up and down.....U are on the 3rd floor right!?!?!?! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Steady progress is what you should be looking for and from the sound of your post, it is trying to head in that direction.

I am hoping the best for you and your family.

take care bro,
L.

<small>[ November 20, 2002, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

L,

Thank you sweets. I was wondering were ya where at. How are you?

I'm soooooo glad that the fog is clearing. Amazing how the BS can see light at the end of the tunnel when the WS fog clears a bit.

You deserve a healed marriage, and I hope and pray you 2 will find it. Please don't get your hopes too high.

Stay close to MB for support and guidance as new questions and decisions arise, k?

Wow! 4 yrs. I can't imagine, but I can't imagine being divorced either. I wonder why people always seem to have a timetable in their heads, like"well, it's been almost 2 yrs. now and nothing has changed" "Isn't it time to move on? and do something for yourself?" The thing I want to do for myself is to have my marriage work and why should I put a timetable on it if I don't want to? sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me because I'm not ending it and "getting on with my life", but that is their perception not mine. Thank God for MB. At least I know there are other people going thru the same thing and understand.

H2Y,

Happy birthday to you too. Things are pretty much the same that they have been for a year now.

Indy

H2Y,

If there is a God out there - you are a blessed man. And if I could pray, I'd say a long one for you my friend.

It seems like a very long time since I was last in here and tonite, when I hit a low, I find a post from you. Maybe I'm dreaming, but (just) maybe there is God.

take care,

- Freddy

<small>[ November 22, 2002, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: Freddy ]</small>