I really need some feedback.
Recap: Separated 8 mths. In the beginning, WH (first 4 mths) made mention of working things out, then he decided he did not want to work on M. He is seeing OW the whole time. He won't talk about her, acknowledge time with her, or talk about our M. He maintains that he has always loved me, still loves me, but will never return "to that situation." He wants to be friends and maybe date sometime. However, he has not asked me to do anything.
He did his vistation with kids, minimally. The last month or so he has really been back to good fatherly self and been really helpful to me.
He is hugging me occasionally and calling once and awhile. Again, nothing about our M or nothing personal.
We had the fight of our lives 2 wks ago but that seems OK now. Last night we had a great talk (nothing personal) and I got a real hug g-bye. Now tonight I was 30 minutes late from wk (he was watching kids)..I stopped for a drink (something I never do) and he said goodbye when I got home, clearly angry and left. I felt bad..as he really has helped ALOT lately..but 30 minutes in 8 mths?
Our m problems before he left: 1. He wanted me to work f/t. (I am now). 2. He wanted me to lose weight (I am) and do more activities with him (doesn't want me to now). He told me these problems a yr b/f he left. I ignored them.
One of his biggest en is sf...however, I can't fulfil as he is not attracted to me at this point.
It may sound stupid..but I think if we could get past that..it would be a major hurdle. A month before he left, he said.."I thought I could live with your weight (I don't fault him on this..I did gain ALOT of weight) but I can't. I need to feel more. If you lost weight, I think I would that way towards you again. I don't know."
It will take me alot of time to get to where I am confident that I look great! Especially when the OW is a body trainer, etc. SF used to be one of the strongest points of our relationship..my en too.
Question: Did I blow it tonight byt stopping for a drink when he has already helped more than "he needs too."? Does he really just want a friendship? Can he ever be attracted to me again physically? Do I continue to encourage the friendship and renewed physical contact (nothing sexual..unfortuntately). Or is encouraging it/allowing letting him get his family needs and his other needs (ie.sf) from OW? Our d is final is March although WH says he is no hurry to file if I need to stay on the insurance longer, etc.
I appreciate any responses -negative or positive.'
Can't Sleep

Hi, Can'tSleep. No response in particular-just an observation--this is the second time today I've noticed a spouse (H both times) imposing standards on the other spouse without offering anything in return.

It's so unfair.

But it sounds like you want your relationship to work. If you feel there is any hope, encourage the friendship. Even if the D goes through, you are going to have to be civil with one another because of your children.

I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. Hope others will jump in with their opinions soon.

Take care. And love yourself--you are fine at the weight you are at. Lose weight when you want to for your own sake.

I don't think a woman who is working full time and carrying the load of child-rearing is wrong to take a half hour out for herself--just my opinion.

jmho... but I think he is JEALOUS and WONDERING...

hey... you're in the WORK FORCE full time now... law, right? must be LOTS of ATTRACTIVE, 'on-the-make' guys in that kinda workplace...

My H was NEVER jealous... I never gave him any reason to be... but once in his A... suddenly he's questioning...

"Did I 'make-it' with anyone while I was away at a conference" (NO, you BIG dope... I was too busy PINING over you and our marriage).

"Who was Zorweb?" (A friend from the internet...I got smarter about being vaguer; didn't say if Z was male or female).

Then, I too, stopped for a drink... didn't tell him... he didn't know where I was... I didn't answer my phone... VERY ANGRY HUBBY was what I returned to...

...see suddenly... they know if THEY did... so could YOU... and it triggers something...

Go with it... yes, continue to be friendly... BE HIS FRIEND... but be vague about what YOU do and WHO with when he's not around... after all... he wants to be separated and NOT married right?

Cali

Keep the friendly hugs and what ever you want. He is still your husband and time may be turning things around a bit.
It's funny the last post mentioned the names here and that hubby got jealous.
My daughter made a remark about the name "slapnuts" on here and asked what kind of site this was. She looked at me in disbelief when I told her.
She then told my husband this and he got weird about this sight and wanted to know my name here. I showed him SOME posts so he would be relieved. He said he's heard too many stories about the internet getting people together.! Told him I've never been hit on here. I am way too preachy and opinionated for any guy to want to get to know me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi. Thanks for your replies. WH watched the kids tonight and stuck around for a few minutes and talked about his day b/4 he left. No mention of last night. No hugs either.
So you think allowing the "friends" when we see other to continue is OK and not just maintaining status quo?
I miss my husband. I just want to ask him to come home. No, don't worry. I'm not going to.
How do I shake this up? Or is building a friendship the way to go? I just feel like this is going to go on forever. 8 mths..but whose counting? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am thankful that the deseparation I felt a few mths ago is gone (90% percent of the time). Thanks for all your support.
Can't Sleep

Hey can't sleep...

read this!

CarolKH's story

Cali-
Thanks for the lift. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Can't Sleep

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