I had and am having a little pity party for myself this morning. It' been one week today since DDAY. This morning, lying in bed, it just all came rushing back to me. All the details. What was said, what wasn't said, what should have been said.

It took 2 days before I talked him into sending OW a NC letter. He thought he would be a "bad friend" and "Is that the kind of friend I want him to be?". I do believe it's over but we haven't talked much about it yet. It hurts him to talk about it because he knows it hurts me.

I feel like we started swimming toward shore but forgot how to swim. Now we are just treading water and need to sign up for swim lessons again. I haven't contacted an MC yet. Maybe that's what I need to pick-me-up.

You all have been such wonderful helpers. I get advice that you give to OTHER PEOPLE and well as to ME! You are great. I can't understand why MB isn't the first thing that pops up under the search engines???

Well, this has been therapeurtic. Now, I am going to get off and call the MC and see if we are covered under insurance. Then, I am going to go and dig up my cana bulbs before going to work. All the therapy I can think of!!!

Have a better day than mine is starting.....!!!!

Don't be so down. You are moving at light speed compared to me and my W. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you haven't already, read How To Find A Good Marriage Counselor. As always, it's a great guide.

Somehow, in all the immense information available here, I missed that article. Thanks for pointing it out! I made the call this morning but hung up when I got the answering machine. I didn't have my calendar with me at the time so it's probably for the best. It would be 2 weeks before I could go anyway. Our son has a basketball game every night next week plus Thanksgiving!

Anyway, I find I have a hard time focusing and concentrating and continuously am losing my train of thought. I had originally planned to ask the question that if I'm sad I know it will make WH sad. Is this LBing? I need to go back and reread LBs. I don't think I get it when it is an LB and when it isn't. I was just sad and he asked me how I was and I told him. SAD.

Hi dazedblonde and Luki ~wave~
dazedblonde just wanted to come in here and give you a ((((hug)))).

I think Steve H has phone counselling available. MC did really help us just after D-day. H says it was the first time he could "hear" me and listen to what I had to say cos there was a neutral 3rd party that I was ''venting" to ( this was about a week after D-day) and He could listen and process what I had to say, really focus without having to think of replying and feeling defensive.

Also, it helped me really think about what I wanted ( I had IC ) and to create an environment that he felt safe in to answer my questions.

I think besides LB there is radical honesty to think about. If he doesn't know how I feel, I just have to tell him. I have come to realise that neither of us are mind readers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dazed,
With many counselors, it can easily be 2 weeks from the time you call for an appointment to when you have the appointment, unless you are in an emergency situation.

At 1 week you have a lot going for you:
1) H is home
2) H wants to be home
3) H has sent NC letter
4) H knows he has hurt you.
5) Marriage counseling is on the table.

A WS who is immediately remorseful and ends the affair is far less additionally hurtful than one who continues after D day.

Lor - I cannot begin to tell you how much all your posts help me. You are awesome.
Yes, I do know what I have going for me. However, I also know that haven't done much "talking". Mostly hand holding, cuddling and conversation but not not deep down talks. He is STILL working on questionnaires. SAA arrived yesterday - I take that as a great sign on my one week anniversary of DDAY! I know we need a big block of alone time to deal with some issues and we are waiting for that to arrive.
However, I don't want this to happen again. No one does. I really want our marriage to be better than it was and I think that is going to take work and possibly help from an outside source. I don't know how willing he is to do that to change some of the ways we dealt with each other in the past.

Thanks again for all your advice. I feel much better today than yesterday. I always hated rollercoasters.....
DB

time will help, as will all the actions you guys take. make sure that it is not a "false" recovery. agree with Lor that, compared to others, the signs are definately v. encouraging. key is open talks, no hiding or anything, and the articulation & empathising of feelings.
good luck!

False recovery??? Hmmm..... there is a name for everything isn't there?

I hope that's not what this is. We are having a deep talk tonight. I mean it.
Thanks a bunch. I needed someone to light a fire.