This is your post on the "On informing OP's spouse...." thread:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This topic is applicable to me today because I need to inform the OW's H. Three weeks ago (10/28), my WH ended all contact w/the OW and was very confident in his decision to do so. I called the OW (left a vm for her at work) confirming that my H had shared w/me their conversation in detail, that we were committed to MC and working on our R and I expected her to respect that. I told her I was giving her a gift by not telling her H - but the 1st time I discovered any contact, I would not wait 5 seconds before contacting him.
Well, yesterday I discovered her # as an incoming call on my H's cell phone. I confronted him immediately (he had promised to tell me if she contacted him) and he said she had called to see "how I was doing, if I was still working on my M, and if I would agree to see her". He promised me he told her no and that he was definately still working on his M. She (supposedly) is also in MC. I have been monitoring my H pretty closely since the N/C agreement so, since I have not seen or felt they have had contact, I chose to believe him. Of course, this means that I have to follow through and share info with the OW's H. Since I am a kind person, though she deserves everything she gets, the prospect of shattering the world of someone I don't even know...is very difficult. Especially with the upcoming holidays (they have 2 small children).
She needs to be focused inward on her M in order to stay out of mine. Also, It is more difficult to monitor my H's actions while no one is monitoring hers. Wish me luck! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please consider this advice.
Do not for a moment fully accept that the affair is over. Even if it is right now, it can relapse in a heartbeat.
Ask your H to write a "No Contact" letter to OW, allowing you to review it and see it mailed.
Even if the affair is over for good, implement Plan A RIGHT NOW! You have to fix your contributions to the poor marital environment that preceded the affair.
Do not bother to contact OW any further. Inform her H as you see fit, but I suggest you do this as a preventive measure for affair relapse - not vindictively.
Remained focused on yourself and your marriage. This is not about OW or OW's H.
Just my humble opinion.
<small>[ November 20, 2002, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>
