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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 40
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 40 |
My husband and I have had problems in our marriage. I've confronted him about cheating on me. Many stories were given. But he is sticking by the story that he only lusted after certain women he came in contact with but nothing happened. He said he fantasized about a client of his telling him to divorce me and then fantasized about a sexual encounter with her. He also came out and told me about a woman he worked with and that he lusted after her and fantasized about her but nothing ever happened. During this period of time we were having problems, (approx. 2 years). He stated he had a problem with porn and thats where it all came in. I'm very uneasy about something and I can't put my finger on it. If all that it was is fantasizing, why were we having problems. Why did he disconnect from me and his children? I would like any thoughts anyone may have on this. Is there any way I can I can distinguish fact from fantasy?
Thanks
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,516
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,516 |
Well, most of us endulge in fantasies at some point and time. Most of us do not consider this a betrayal, but just that a fantasy that will never happen, can never happen...and that's what makes it a fantasy.
It seems a little odd that he would be so open when confronted about a possible affair and lay it on to these fantasies. But, he could just be honest about what he was thinking during those two years.
Where there other red flags during this time which point to either an EA or a PA?
As to your question...if he was deep in a fantasy world...then yes, it's going to cause distance between you even if no OP was ever actually involved. If you're living an enriched fantasy life, you are not going to put your energy and thoughts into your real life...thus problems are created.
Unless you can figure out a way to go back and discover what was happening two years ago...I don't know if you'll ever have any way of proving fact from fiction.
Good Luck!
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
Since you aren't sure about his stories...what is his behavior like?
Is he accountable for his time?
Is he where he says he'll be?
Can you reach him when you want to?
Does he need "alone time"?
Or "boys night"?
Are his lunch/coffee/drinks companions female? Are they alone?
Do his explanations make sense?
How is his eye contact? Can he hold your gaze?
Does porn include online porn? Chats?
When words & actions conflict, believe the actions.
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