I am a recovering sex addict who last night had a relapse with a prostitute. I'm posting this message so that those of you whose spouse also shares this affliction may better understand what drives us to do such stupid things.

For the past few months I've been trying to avoid porn and sexual situations outside of my marriage. This has become a real problem because I have been working out of town. I was doing okay until recently. I had joined a gym to fill up my free time and take my mind off sex. Then about 2 weeks ago I got the flu. Not being able to exercise frustrated me, and this frustration snowballed into an overpowering desire for sex. And I mean OVERPOWERING, as in unable to think about anything else. Monday night I tried to relieve myself of this need by masterbating excessively. All this did was stain my wrist and elbow!

Tuesday I felt really down, emotionally and physically, so I decided not to torture myself anymore. I called up an escort service and met a nice young lady. I did have the discipline, (if that word is appropriate here), not to have intercourse with her, opting instead for a handjob.

I have to say that I really enjoyed and needed this release. I don't WANT to have sex outside of my marriage, but sometimes I feel like I have the NEED to. I can resist the temptation to stray when it is only a temptation, but sometimes this urge becomes so strong I am powerless to resist it. It really is an addiction.

I don't know what to do to help myself. Being physically away from my wife is a real problem for me right now. It's to the point that I am thinking of seeing a doctor to get drugs to reduce my sex drive.

oops, double post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ November 20, 2002, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: mgm ]</small>

Are you currently getting IC?? This may be impossible to overcome on your own, without some professional help.

Forgive yourself, you've made a mistake. Move on and keep trying with your recovery.

Here is a site for you to visit:

www.understandingaddiction.org

They can help you there. They offer FREE online counselling to any SA's who really do want help. They also have a message board (although not nearly as visited as MB).

Keep on coming here for support. We want to help you as best we can.

Thank you for sharing your story. That took a LOT of courage. You should be proud of yourself. That's one step out of the way.

The fact that you've acknowledged that you have a problem is a tremendous accomplishment too. I wish my H would have done the same. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Take care, and post as often as you need to. We're here for you.

((((((((((doofus)))))))))))

Karen

p.s. ever consider a name change? IMO, your alias can't possibly help you to overcome your low self esteem. We can help you with alternatives if you want.