I am so at a loss. Once again another slap in the face that the A may still be ongoing. I made the huge, stupid mistake of contacting her and asking her why she called my house on Sunday. I was trying so hard not to let it get to me but several things happened and so I started snooping to see if there was anything to be known. I was so wrong to do this. Now I'm paying the ultimate price. The OW told me that they had had contact last week and that it was intimate but that there will not be any contact anymore not even for C's sake( the child she says is his). However OW says that she has a hard time resisting him and staying away from him but that she wants to. I don't believe her one bit about leaving him alone. I don't know whether she is telling the truth about the contact or not. I haven't told my H about this b/c he will be upset and disappointed that I spoke with her at all. He says that if I don't leave her alone then how do I expect for her to leave us alone. He is so right but things seem to always happen and I become out of control suspicious. My anxiety levels are off of the chart right now. I want to confront him but two things-(1)he will want to know why I initiated the conversation and (2)I don't want him contacting her whatsoever if he truly hasn't. He would because she is trying to start stuff. I know she is trying to jerk my chain b/c she doesn't want me to have him. She has told me this before but who is she to say this. I am his WIFE. I have decided to ABSOLUTELY have no other contact with her for any reason but as always she has stirred things up once again. If he did have intimate contact last week how can he even face me. He swears he has had no contact with her but he is the master of straight bold faced lies. I've seen him in action before. I just don't know what to do. He knows something is wrong but doesn't know what. He keeps asking me if someone has called, or any emails or what has he done wrong this time. I have been dodging those. I am not very good at lying and I wasn't sure what to do last night. I sure wish my modem at home was working. I sure needed you guys. I have been on pins and needles to get to work so I could post. I know I was wrong and I got what I asked for but do I let it go or do I confront him yet again. I know she could just be telling me this but again she could be telling the truth. I am so lost in emotion and so tired. I am about Plan A'd out. I have been Plan A'ing for so long and I don't know that I am getting anywhere. I love him so much and all I really want is for him to love me and be faithful to me. Why is that so difficult? Sorry I am at another low again. I hate this roller coaster ride.

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She says it's over but she's said that before. He swears he hasn't talked to her or seen her. Do I confront him about the supposed contact last week or let it go? She says it was intimate. I don't know. I started this but I don't know what to do. Someone, anyone?

OK Im anyone, not an expert by anymeans. If you are in plan a and snooping (been there done that) then say nothing, sure as heck you do it will backfire. If you can't do nothing, wait until you cool down, and say something like this. IDear H, i have done something i am ashamed of, and it has hurt me terribly. I got scared and talked to ow. SHe said such and such, i know she has no reason to be honest so i will believe what you tell me. Can we talk about how i am feeling about this. I don't want to be the one that breaks nc. But when i am scared i act like ...

Personally, i never give up my sources <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I might need them another day.

SC4H-

I'm sorry to hear that you discovered continued contact with the OW. I guess what the others here have mentioned with regards to the pain associated with Plan A is proving true in your case. I'm sure you already know this, but it sounds like the trick is to defuse LB's by agreeing with your WH while at the same time letting him know that you care about him AND that the continued contact with OM is very upsetting to you. If you can control your emotions and are certain that there was indeed contact, I'd suggest being honest with him and let him know how the continued contact hurts you.

Good luck!

Perfect example of why I never think it's a good idea to speak to the OP. You end up more confused then you were to begin with.

You snooped...found something that made you want to contact OW...what was it you found?

While it's great to do plan A, I'm one for an honest plan A...which sometimes include LB big time. You're upset, your H knows your upset...so where is the benefit in not being honest with him about what you did, what you heard, and get it out on the table for discussion?

Sure, he's going to be angry that you snooped, especially if you've told him you won't, he's going to be upset that you called OW and once again dragged her back into your marriage. Oh well, he'll live!

When you began hiding your actions from him, you are creating a type of betrayal to him and your marriage. Get your nerve up and tell him!

Be upfront and tell him that you know you did something wrong...but because of your actions, you've been upset, confused and you need his help to see a clear path. TALK to him! Not her!