Hey, Thanks so much for the replies. Sorry it took so long get get back to you. Sometimes there just isn't enough hours in the day. I felt much better after reading your replies. Worthatry is right, rebuilding our M isn't fast enough for me. But, at least we are progressing. He has been away this week and comes home Saturday (army stuff). We've had good conversations on the phone. Communication was one of our problems before. I have a habit of talking too much and listening too little. I did admit my faults regarding our marriage and have really made good efforts to change these. It gets easier everyday. I was AD's for about 1 1/2 yrs., long time struggle with mild depression, put a damper on our initimate life. I have been off them for about a month now and feel great. I think he likes that I am not taking them anymore and I am doing so well. On a very positive note, Christmas was the most recent dilemma. Whether to go the states and see his family, my family or both. We finally decided we are not going home at all. Instead we are going to London for 5 days. We agreed it was better for us not to be around family right now and to spend time focusing on us. That was a big deposit into both lovebanks I think. While he has been gone, I have had the urge to snoop. I feel kind of bad, but it's the trust issue. He hasn't said that she has contacted him. I want to trust him, but the question is in the back of my mind. I want to know even if she emails him just to say hi. I still get the urge to email too. Not to be spiteful or vengeful but to just talk woman to woman. I know this would be wrong and if he found out he would be very mad, because her husband would find out then. I've even tried to break into his email again. I was successful before and quickly figured out his password (her name) and reset before he knew. But, about 1 1/2 weeks ago he changed his password for no reason. I think if he knew I was monitoring his emails he would have confronted me. That's just his style. Can you help me with this situation? Thanks again for all the advice, it definitely put me at ease.

Hi AC,

Thanks for the update! I guess that the main reason that I still lurk here at MB and post occasionally is because I didn't have this resource when I was going through all of this myself... and I hope that what little I have to offer can be of some help to someone.

Sounds like you both made a good decision regarding the holidays... keep focusing on your M and don't worry about the in-laws/family.

As far as snooping and wondering if your H is still in contact with the OW, are your H's actions trustworthy? Changing his e-mail password smells kindof funny to me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I don't want to alarm you, but this just doesn't sound like a guy thats trying to earn his W's trust. Have you talked with him about it in a non judgemental way? Remember, part of what you are both learning to do is how to communicate your TRUE feelings with each other. If you suspect something, then TALK with him... don't sit and stew over it and think up "worst case" scenarios...

I wouldn't even bother with the OW. Nothing she has to say is of ANY value to you and your H as you both try to rebuild your M. And really, do you think that you could actually trust anything that she might have to say?

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Whatever you do, do not attempt to contact OW. There is nothing to gain in this. That you have this temptation suggests that you may not understand that she is irrelevant to what you really need to do: Plan A.

Nonetheless, please keep in mind my prior suggestion to bring up the "no contact" letter with your counselor, then your H. This isn't so much for you as it is for your H.

Everything you describe about your trip to London and good phone conversations are good signs. But let it happen, don't try to MAKE it happen. Please take it slow. Lead by admitting your failings and validate HIS pain and confusion. This doesn't mean he shouldn't be doing this in spades for you, but right now, you may be the stronger one. Assume it, play the role, and be the hero, not a victim.

WAT