This is a poem/I wrote... thought it might be of interest........

There was a time when life was sweet. When the laughter and smiles of my children made me feel complete. Deep inside my soul, I feel them and love them. Never has a love been so empowering and so effortless.

Our life was complete. Our small world looked perfect and seemed perfect. Yet, inside these walls, there was not perfection. There was a slow evil demon dwelling among us. Sometimes this demon showed anger; sometimes sarcasm; sometimes rage. Sometimes this demon was quiet, sullen and pouty -- making the surrounding air thick and cold and harsh.

This demon would float from body to body in the house -- responding with resentment and frustration in some of us. Little by litte, the perfect world and the happiness would get overshadowed.

How could we have allowed this demon to enter our home? Why didn't we stop it? Were we too busy to notice or were we too lazy to care? Did we not know what was at stake?

After the years of living with the demon appearing whenever it felt like it -- it had sucked the love out of me. I was merely existing -- but yearning for something more -- there HAD to be more.

And what of romance? What were the songs and poems and love stories all about? Remembering his kiss and the stirrings each one had in me. It was not so much him nor what he did, but my reactions to it all -- to the touch, the kiss, even the smile and the talks. Something inside me, inside the very core of my being reached out to be loved, caressed, cared for, sheltered, nurtured. The passion became intense and endless -- always wanting more to fill me up. Memorizing his laughter and voice, his touch and kiss became a ritual and would get me through the lonely times. Little did I know, this was the softer side of the demon. This was the demon drawing me further away from family and into its clutches.

Now I find that the demon has been working in more ways; pulling us farther apart than i had imagined. Even during therapy, the demon was there silent yet lurking -- keeping secrets for itself. Now that some of the secrets have been exposed -- only by total force and trickery, I wonder if there are more secrets throughout our life. Everything I knew to be true and real, isn't. I feel the rug pulling out from under me as I fight to stand.

The very essence of our security is also being threatened. How will we survive? How will we eat? How will we raise the kids? We are being tested.

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- Married for 15 years, 4 kids
- H verbally abusive for years
- I am the WS for a year
- After a year of counselling and feeling like the 'bad person', I find out that my H had been having an A all along.... sigh...now what?!

TLFM,

I could not help but respond to what you have written. Those feelings, that nothing is what you believed to be true, I understand. Please know that Satan constantly lies to us. He tells us we will have hapiness if..... if....... if...... well, we can all fill in the blanks. But peace and contentment never comes from what we can attain for ourselves. It happens from within. I would encourage you to read Proverbs Chapter 3. "Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Ephesians 3:20 "Now unto him who is able to exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us." We may not see a way to get through. But God has already prepared the way for you. Prayers are being offered for you even as I respond to your post.

Guardian

Keep posting. Take one minute at a time. Seek God always. What He reveals to you, obey. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />