Is it normal for a WS to wat to tell the BS all the things they are doing with the OP? My WW tells me all her problems and her sex life with the OM. This actually makes e sick but she opens up to me like never before. I at her to talk to me and come to me with her problems but this is getting ridiculas. She is still wanting to talk o me tommarrow about life and things. Says she wants to say goodbye because I'm leaving for three days t do some job training. She talks to me like she loves me and she cares when OM is not around but then treats me like crap when OM is around. I got a letter in the mail today forwarding all of her mail. That kinda hurt but then she called and wanted all of our daughter's furniture. I lost it then. I LBed a little saying what was I suppose to do when I had her. I stopped after only a few seconds of LBing. I apoligized and said we can work something out. She said she was sorry for springing that on me. I feel like I'm the one sneaking around behind peoples backs now. I can only see her or talk to her when OM is not around. She is so careful not to make him mad. I wish she had the same consideration for me. I'm trying to make myself less available to her but it is hard. Maybe being away for a while will do everyone some good. well I'm going to bed now. I'm getting tired. Atleast I'm sleeping a little better. I still wake up lonely but not as often. I hate being in this big empty house. A house that once was a home to a happy family.

No it is not normal. If I were you, I'd stop her everytime she did this and tell her that you are not interested in hearing it as it hurts you.

That is not love busting. It is setting appropriate limits.

I agree..........she is using you as a Priest. Show her boundaries.

She is using you to assuage her need to talk despite the fact that she knows it must be like a knife in the heart. That is cruel. This is way beyond what anyone should tolerate and you need to put a stop to it. This is very different than confessing to a spouse.

I would also move to plan b, if I were you. This has been dragging on for a year and a half and you are still fulfilling her needs to no avail. She has no motivation whatsoever to cut loose of the OM as long as she has 2 men fulfilling her needs.

Please consider telling her that you appreciate her honesty in telling you everything that's happening with her and OM, but to please not tell you about the gory details of their intimate R for it hurts you deeply to be made aware of them when you really don't want to know them in the first place.

Also consider not being too available to her when she needs to vent about her R with OM because once she's vented, she's ready to deal with OM once again and you end up being back to square one. In fact during the time you are listening to her venting about OM, it might be a good idea to make your conversation short (10 minutes max)and leave her with a some residue of angst against OM so that when she sees OM afterwards, she'll still have some resentment still left over which will build when he starts love busting her again. The trick is to keep the resentment for OM simering and not let it vent out when you put your confidant cap on.

If she asks you why you don't want to talk to her, you may simply respond with something along these lines:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I love talking to you but if OM finds out about you contacting me and of the things you share with me, he'll get mad at you and I don't want to be the cause of discord between you two. All I want is your happiness and don't worry about me because I'm the happiest I've been in quite awhile. Bye"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why would you say such a thing to her? to demonstrate to her that you are not a weak, needy, simpering, fool that depends on her for his happiness in life.

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Well I told her I didn't want to hear the details about thier R. Also this has not been dragging on for a year and a half. The first time she left was due to hormaonal changes when she got pregnant. She went into a deep depression and then came right out. This A now started only a month ago. She moved out and told me about it only two weeks ago. Last night she confessed all kinds of things to me. She said she misses me and still loves me. She thinks about me even when she is with OM. She also told me that she idn't want to be around me too much because things might happen. I think it's because she is afraid or too proud to admit she made mistake. Half of her family won't be around her because they disapprove of what she has done. She is getting ready for a rough holiday season. As am I. This will be the first time we won't be together for the holidays. Very hard to deal with. Well gotta go. WW will be here any minute to pick up our daughter.

The next time she tells you that she misses you and still loves you, tell her that actions speak louder than words. Hopefully she'll understand that her words ring hollow in your ears and stop saying them in the future.