Mrs Funk:
"I'm sorry to disappoint. I know 2Long had much faith in me, and so did I. I have been in my own place since Nov 1, and I have been working on me."
Don't forget, this isn't about disappointing ME, it's about YOUR LIFE.
"I am not making excuses for myself. H was not very supportive of the fact that I was working on me as opposed to our M. He was intrusive, etc., and we posted about that."
I agree that he may be intrusive, and that's wrong, but it's also understandable. Try 2 exercise a little compassion here. But do stay by yourself and work on yourself for now.
"After reading some suggestions about dating, etc., we decided to try it out."
I assume you mean dating each other, not other people, right?
"H's attitude had changed, but I could tell it was more of a "forced" change, like it was killing him not to be intrusive or ask alot of questions."
It may be. He needs 2 work on this and STOP IT, if that's the case.
"Conversations of Thanksgiving and Xmas kept coming up, and I had romantic thoughts of how this would be. But I know that my thoughts and reality are two different things. Whenever we had planned to be together for something (meteor shower, dinner, etc) my expectations and the way I actually felt while there were very different."
You're still trying 2 find your footing. Understandable. But OM is a distraction you don't need:
"Thursday, OM did call me. I was caught offguard because I truly thought it was over."
Do you have caller ID? If you do, you shouldn't have answered the phone. If you don't, you should have said "don't call me again," and hung up. Who's being intrusive now? OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
"I thought I was strong enough to say "screw off". But the conversation wasn't about us starting things up again, or him being sorry. It was basically a catching-up kind of call."
Hor$e$h!+!! You shouldn't have had a "conversation" at all with him. Even if you and the Mr break up, YOUR R WITH OM WAS A LIE. It can never be worth continuing. And as for catching up? OM has no business asking you how you're doing, sorry.
"My attitude towards him was very unemotional and has been."
Not nearly enough 2 help you hang up on him, apparently.
"I think the meds have made my head clearer, but not clear enough that I can say I know what I'm doing here."
I think that's clear.
"It all happened so quickly, and I have really no idea what to say to either of them."
Well, as for making decisions, you need 2 decide whether you and the Mr have a fu2ure. That's it. As for OM, like I said, if you decide 2 have HIM in your fu2ure, good luck, you'll need it. You'll be involved with a liar and a cheat, and continuing a R that required YOU 2 be a liar and a cheat. Not a pretty picture, but the truth, nonetheless.
"As for H, I have no choice in the matter anymore."
Yes you do. You always have.
"He wanted me to bring over D papers ASAP, so I did. He asked me if I had anything to say, and I told him I didn't because he'd just have nasty comments in return."
Do what YOU think is right, including NOT doing what your H says just because he tells you 2. And, the "nasty comments" remark was a LB. End of discussion.
"He said he wouldn't, and would listen. I didn't have a response. He then proceeded to tell me he hopes I'm happy with OM and maybe we can both share the same medication (he's on anti-deps too.)"
That was a LB on the Mr's part. Shame!
"Now all of sudden I'm the whacked-out loony bin of a wife."
Well, in a very real sense, you ARE, but him pointing that out wasn't very supportive, was it?
"Before, he was all for me getting on the meds. Now I know how he really feels."
I don't think you do. He reacted with anger. That tells you he's hurt and angry, not that what he said is how he feels. You both need 2 learn the difference.
"I didn't let it rattle me (another great benefit of the meds...I don't lose my temper anymore)."
Good for you.
"So, again...I commit to no one here. I am still working on me."
Good for you, but in the process of "commiting 2 noone", you should "commit 2 ending ALL contact with your OM." This is just as much for YOU as for Mr. Funk.
"I told H I'd probably lose him in the process, and I was right."
What do you mean? Did he sign DV papers? Even if he did, it ain't over yet.
"I just didn't think it would be this way. I let him (and all of you) down again. And I'm sorry for that."
I'll say it again: This is not about US or disappointing US. This is your LIFE and what you want it 2 be. How YOU want 2 be able 2 look back on your performance now and how you'll feel about what you have/haven't done.
all my best,
