Hello everyone. I will apolgize in advance because I know this will probably be long. I haven't visited for a while. I was a frequent visitor this past summer and I even posted occassionaly, and it really helped me get thru a tough time in my life. I thought I was moving on and moving forward, but now I am more confused than ever and I really need some good advice or insight from anyone who is listening. Here is a quick (possibley long) summary of my situation:

My DDay was 5/13/02. WW had an A with coworker for approximately (4-6 months) Started EA lead to PA. She moved out Memorial Day weekend. We were seperated all summer w/ occassional contact. Her A continued throughout seperation although it tappered off consderably. No more PA strictly EA. After 4 months of her fense sitting, I had had enough. I told her that it was time for her to come back and for us to try and work on this. I could tell that her heart wasn't completely into it, but she admitted that things needed to change and she moved back home in late Sept. She agreed to no contact with OM (other than work). (She later admitted that during this time she talked to him over the phone twice, so no contact was broken.)

During her time home, it was like we were roomates. The 1st couple weeks, we didn't even sleep int he same bed. She basically didn't want to be there, her words. During this time, we had some discussions where more and more of the truth about A came out. Details that she flat out denied all summer long, she finally admitted. This further infuriated me.

Anyway, one night we had a serious heart to hear about where we stand with each other. I told her that I didn't know if I could ever get over all the lies and everything that she had done to hurt me. Especially if she wasn't going to do anything to make it better. She stated that she had hoped that her love for me would come back, but it hadn't and that maybe it was time for us to mourn the loss of our dreams together and move on. At this point, I was tired of fighting for my marriage by myself and agreed that we should call it quits.

Here is the ironic part. During the next couple weeks while she was looking for a more permenant apartment & stuff, we got along better than we had in over a year. It was like a huge burden had been lifted off our shoulders and we were not lovers, but best friends (which we will both admit that we are). Ironic, huh?

Anyway, 2 Saturdays ago, she moved back out for what we thought was for good into a much nicer apartment than what she was staying at over the summer. It was hard as hell and a lot of tears were shed but we thought it was for the best. Teh day b4, I went to a lawyer to get the divoce started. We had decided that we were going to try & make it as painless as possible so we could be as friendly as possible about it. In our state it is called an uncontested divorce where we agree on splitting up the major stuff & between the 2 of us, we split up the little things. This seems to be a lot easier, quicker, and a lot cheaper. It seemed like we were well on our way to divoce.

This is where it gets really interesting. Last Sunday, we were talking on the phone about some of the property we had agreed upon getting seperated. I kind of sensed something different in her, like she was stalling or something but I didn't say anything. But then she dropped a bombshell on me and stated that she was having second thoughts. She said that she had missed me more the last week we were apart than she had all summer when we were seperated. Also, last Saturday night, I went to a wedding reception w/ some friends and this girl asked me to dance and I accepted. Later we all went out to a nightclub and I ended up taking her and a friend home because they said they had had too much to drink to drive. Her friend gave me her # when I dropped them off. Nothing happened between us, only thing physical was the one dancee. I felt absolutely terrible about it the next day, even though I really did nothing wrong. We live in a pretty small town, and this got back to my WW. (Amazing how this got back to her, but her A never got back to me). This of course makes her mad & jealous.

It was almost like she finally woke up and realized that I am not always going to be here for her. We got together and talked a lot this past week. After all this, I don't know if I want to try this again after all the pain I have been thru. Quite frankly, I don't know if she is meaning what she is saying when she says she is having second thoughts. We both agreed that we are confused & we agreed to give it a couple of weeks to see if we can straighten things out in our heads.

This is why I come here. For anyone who is listing, what do I do? Is it worth the potential heartache & hurt if we try this again. I love my wife w/ all my heart and I can totally see us growing old together, but it seems like we have so much to overcome. She wasn't willing to do the necessary things for us to heal earlier, why should I think that she will do that now. She admits that she still has very strong feelings for OM (but not as much as for me). How do I get over this? As you can tell, I am extremely confused. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

I apolgize for such a long post.

Thank you