It has been a year since I told my husband about the one nite I saw my ex boyfriend. We moved 3000 miles away to try and make this work. I have posted this before back in aug. Husband is still struggling with insure feelings of wheather or not he wants me to leave. He says that he still loves me but doesn't know if he will be able to love me the same as before. He is not sure that it can be better than before. He is afraid that if I do leave, he will regret it and if I do stay, he will regret it. He is still kissing me goodbye everyday and when I tell him I love him, he says love you too. He doesn't want to go to talk to anyone either. Says he has to work this out his self. I love him very much and have told him that I would never ever hurt him again, but he says, how can you give me back what you have taken from me? The uncertainty of our relationship is killing me. I want it to work. He has told me that a part of him wants it too or else I would not be here now. He tells me that there is nothing I can do to help him. What is left for me to do? How can I really make it better?

Gone,
A year is a long time for him to hang this over your head and not want to talk about it, not want to move forward, not deal with it.

You can't give him back the time that is gone, worse he's continuing to dwell on it, and let it ruin now as well.

Would he be willing to come here?

There's a lot to be learned here about remorse, forgiveness, letting the past go, moving on with life the best possible way, even if that doesn't include marital recovery.

Betrayal is a pain, perhaps among the worst. But he would see stories here that are much worse than yours. My H's A was 18 months long, he left me 7 times. We reconciled 2 1/2 years ago and have a really good marriage. But it has taken both of us giving as much effort as we can.

Your H postponing the re-committment or breaking of his committment isn't helping him, it isn't helping you, and it sure isn't restoring your marriage.

I think counseling would really help the two of you. But if he won't go, I'd suggest you go alone. Your A, your H's unforgiveness has given you enough issues to deal with on your own for awhile.

GTF,

I'd be interested to know your thoughts on Lor's post.

L.