Hi Elad,

I hope you are well.

I was wondering if you ever contacted your Ex-W. I dont mean to pry or to bring up old wounds, but I just remember that you were considering it a while back, and was curious if you ever did.

If you feel uncomfortable discussing it, I really do understand.

I only ask this because it would help me with my situation .... in that, if you did contact her, how did it go and how did she react to it. And most importantly, how do you feel after doing it.

Love,
Jo

<small>[ November 25, 2002, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Gentle nudge to the tippy TOP for ELad ....

Jo

Hi Jo--

No, I never contacted her.

My reasoning is this:

She has made it clear that she really doesn't want to communicate with me. It's nothing she has said directly to me but when I see her she ignores me and usually trys to stay away. Even at my Dad's funeral a few months ago she spoke to all of my family except me.

That's fine. I understand that is the way she feels and I respect it. I hurt her terribly and I had no idea how badly until I lived it myself.

I felt--feel--that any contact I make with her, no matter for what reason, would likely only open old wounds and cause her more pain and I will absolutely not do that. I won't even take the chance. She's a good person and doesn't deserve any more hurt from me.

I told my WW the other day that I could live to be 100 and never get past the hurt I inflicted. My ex-W is happy now, remarried and lives only a couple of miles from me, but our paths don't cross too often. At his point I plan to just let sleeping dogs lie...

How is your situation with Ryan? Do you plan to talk to your ex?

I think you are in a different situation becuase you are the BS...

It makes no sense (well maybe it does) but I had to become the BS before realizing how much pain the WS inflicts on his/her spouse. Having been both (something I am not proud of) I have a unique perspective on this and while I have said before that there is pain in being the WS...the BS has it a lot, lot worse.

Unfortunatley, perhaps youre WS doesn't recognize this pain and what he is responsible for doing to you...

I think if I could go back and make some changes in my life I would but you can't do that...you have to live with the choices you make. Just like everyone, I have made some bad ones and they have hurt people close to me...sad but true...and I have to live with it. It's not easy somethimes, ya know...

I hope that answers your question....

If you have more feel free to ask...while not proud of this part of my life I am willing to try to help others understand it a little if I can.

Take care,

E

<small>[ November 26, 2002, 06:38 AM: Message edited by: Elad ]</small>

E,

Thanks for responding.

I know what you mean about wanting to go back, having another chance. I wish that for a lot of things in my life. But I think we are supposed to live with our choices, be responsible for them by learning FROM them and then not repeating.

That, IMHO, is the only way to make any sense out of all this pain.

I think you know best about contacting your ex. I don't know how I'd feel years from now if my ex decided he really felt remorse and then contacted me .... I just don't know how I'd feel.

When fantasizing about it, I like to think of myself with a new family and very happy life, and content and at peace within myself.

Then when he contacted me, I'd be past the pain and could be compassionate and grateful he made the gesture. I'd like to think I'd just listen to him, maybe even cry a little but tell him I forgave him, and that I only wish good things for him. Tell him how we all make mistakes and that as hard as it was for me, that holding onto resentment or grudges only served to harm me. I'd reach out and hug him, if he'd let me. And then he'd know I meant all of it. And then he could forgive himself.

Now wouldn't that be something, E? If I could really do all that? Lordy ...... but PLEASE don't cannonize me yet, LOL. I'm wayyyyyyy far from even being able to imagine talking to him, let alone really doing all that stuff.

But you know what, I bet it's been enough time for your ex that she just may be there. Just maybe.

Anyhoooo, like I said ... you know best.

Thanks again for responding to me. You're a good friend.

I hope you have a wonderful Turkey Day. I hope you're taking good care of yourself too.

Much Love,
Jo

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Just one more thing, ELad.

I think it's wonderful you offer to go back to a place in time where it may be painful and maybe not so proud of, just to help someone else. It takes a lot of courage. Thank you.

Jo

Thanks Jo...

You're a Sweetie... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Happy Thanksgiving

E

Happy Turkey Day back ......

As my x-nephew would say "Don't eat too many turkey butt sandwiches".

LOL

Lv,
Jo