Hi all

I have not seen H. since the end of Sept, and tomorrow I will see him for the first time since then, and since D-Day, which was October 30. Gosh it seems a lifetime ago.

He is picking me up at the airport. He is still in school with the Military for another 2 weeks. So I am flying in for Thanksgiving, his family lives about 2 hours from his school.

So, I'm apprehensive, scared, anxious.

He claims he is no longer talking with the girl (she is currently stationed in another state, about 10 hours from him). He says he is trying, and for the first time, he said he was sorry he broke my heart.

I am having a rough time believing him. He flew down to see her a couple of weeks ago, all the while telling me he was on duty on base. I asked him over and over to tell the truth, he continued to lie... I knew he had flown to see her. The phone bill came the other day and sure enough, he had phoned me from his cell phone, call originating in the state she lives in.. He was SO mad when I confronted him, I had to, I couldn't help it.

So my question is this..how am I going to handle seeing him.? How can I put up with these continual lies?

I"m really stressing out over this....

d.

His family knows it all, about the affair, about him traveling to another state.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ November 25, 2002, 07:21 PM: Message edited by: military_wife ]</small>

Hi I am also a military wife!

I don'thave much to add.... I am the WS:( something I am not proud of at all.

you ask how you handle it. I belive alot of people here say you do d plan a with inlcuded a no contact letter to the OW.

Right now he is in a fog. He can't see straight. I know what its like. Everything is twisted. Best to be calm and collected, but honest with your feelings and expectations.

its good that they are seperated, but as you already know, it can still continue.

I know I was shamed when my H told him mother about my EA. maybe he will be too, what do his parents say?

best wishes and let us know how it goes.

I know you are probably not on line, however just wanted you to know that (((((a Hug)))) and a (((GOOD LUCK)))) and a prayer are being said for you. I Hope your day is going smooth. The lies are deffinitly the hardest thing to deal with.

MW,
I am in the military and have been away from home a lot in the last... well 10 years. It has been almost a year since I noticed things were different with her.
I have been through the roller coaster of "I want to work on it" to "I deserve better".
Bottom line is what do you want? If it is your M you want, you need to plan A. If he is saying he wants to save it, that’s good. As far as trust... that will take time to rebuild and he should understand that. As for you... Be the person you want to be. Not the person you think he wants. You have to be the upbeat and happy person he married. Even if you don't feel it at the time, show him your happiness doesn’t revolve around him.
I know it is a lot easier to say than do. I have been gone for about 2 months and getting ready to redeploy back home and I am scared to death.
My W says she doesn't want to work on it and wants to separate. That puts a real damper on my upbeat and happy appearance. I don't know how I will be able to do it, but I need to be someone that she enjoys being around, someone that will not remind her of her mistakes. It hurts me to the very core to think of what she did and to wonder if she sees him while I'm gone.
I started a book called "7 Habits of successful people" something like that. It’s by Franklin Covey. It talks about not letting things we cannot change dictate our happiness.
Anyway, I hope you find the strength to show him who you really are. Smile, it gives off a good vibe.
CD

HI.

Here I am. I survived the first day of seeing my husband (Tuesday). He apologized and told me that I was the one he wanted. He said things that I wanted to hear, and I was hoping they were not just that.."things that I wanted to hear"

Things were good until yesterday when his cell phone rang. He was outside hunting so of course I couldn't help but look at it. Looking turned to snooping and I found calls to the girlfriend. I confronted him, he claims they are no longer talking. The call was on Saturday. Since last night I have been so dazed. I didn't sleep last night, then this AM I did ANOTHER stupid thing. I thought he was already gone hunting and I turned on his phone. I wanted to see one more thing. Well he caught me, and demanded his phone back. I lied at first and said I hadn't been looking through the numbers, but I had been. I had to know for sure that they had called each other on Saturday.

He continues to lie to me. And I continue to feel like I am going crazy.

As for what I want, I want the man back that I married. I want the caring, gentle man back that held my hand on our wedding day, which was only a year ago.

So here I am at my in-laws, today is their Thanksgiving. I am looking inside myself to get the strength I need to get myself through this day. I am at the point where, I am so tired of the lying. I can hear my heart breaking, over and over again.

Today I am taking off my wedding rings. I've never had them off. I am telling him that I love him, but love isn't enough? I am telling him that I am letting him go, I only want for him to be happy. And to find whatever it is that will make him happy.

I know that none of you can tell me this, but I just wish I knew when my heart would stop breaking. Over and over again, it feels like its been raked over the cheese grater. Not sure how much is left.

MW
I am also a Military Wife. It sounds like we are in the same situation. My H PA also happened while he was TDY. We have also only been married for 1 1/2 years. The OW is also a million miles away. She is in Alaska and we are in Germany. Which helps somewhat, but they still have brief email contact. She is married as well. I know what you are going through. I've done the snooping because of the trust issue. But, I also quickly learned that it's all the more hurtful because I find out without him telling me. I also decided that by doing this, it places all the emphasis on the A and not on our M. So, I've decided to start asking him when I feel uncomfortable. At first he will automatically lie and then almost immeadiately he will be honest. I even made him show me his email and he was being honest. He wasn't happy about it, but I reminded him that it will take a while for me to be comfortable with his honesty. It seems like everyday I swallow my pride in some way and take a stab in the heart. Not that he does it intentionally, just circumstances due to the situation. I know it's hard, especially being apart. My suggestion is to own up to the mistakes you have made in the marriage (remember even though he had the A it still takes two to break a marriage). This takes a lot of soul searching and it's hard to admit these mistakes. Once you know what your mistakes are, get your life together for you. You have to be strong to get through this and if you don't have your life together you can't work on life you want for both of you. Focus on you to make you strong. This also makes you more attractive in his eyes. The last thing a man wants is someone who loses it completely. You WILL have be strong for both of you alot through this. But, you will be proud of yourself which will make even more stronger. I'm here for you always. It's nice to know that there is someone on here who is in a similar situation. We can email if you like as well. This site helps me alot when I'm frustrated and just need a sound board. Take care and I'll be praying for you.