why is it that I can not stop thinking about OM? After 3 mos of not seeing him, and then seeing him at my door it has brought back the "FOG". I have this horrible feeling in my heart and gut.

I don't know why, but just seeing him made all my feelings for H fly right out the window!!! I know they are there.... these last few weeks with H have been wonderful and we have been happy and i have had all my en filled etc etc.SO I know now that I do love my h I just can't find them right now. I don't know where they went?!?!?!

i just feel so sh!tty right now thinking that I am the worst wife to still have these strong feelings for OM.I shouldn't feel this way. I almost feel like this is my punishment for doing what I did. I ALLOWED myself to get involved. I allowed myself to become addicted to this OM. I feel like I am still betraying my H in my heart because of how I feel. I want to be a good wife, I don't want to think about this OM anymore!!!!!!Because I can't stop thinking about him, does that mean that i love him? I don't really understand what my feelings are for him. How can I still feel this way about him after not seeing him for over 3 mos?!?!?!?! GOd things were great until yesterday, now I feel like I am in withdrwal all over again. I feel shame at my actions, hurt that I can not have the OM and even worse pain that am betraying H with my thoughts.........

anyone ? I always get such good advice here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am on the other side of the fence so I don't have much to say but maybe this will help:

What Changed My Mind

Keep strong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

May I ask you this? When you saw him, this all came back for you, correct? Then, I think I would ask myself, what was it that was triggered in me that I felt I was not getting with H even though I love my husband and he's been filling my EN. I feel if you think about what I asked it might lead to knowing why you feel the guilt. Also, why would the OM appear at your door knowing what transpired between you? You seem to be committed to making your marriage work as I read your post, but if the OM was so considerate and respectful of you and what you are trying to repair in your marriage, why would he appear? Maybe I've missed some of the story, so forgive me if I have. I just think that you might trip and regress if you focus on the "guilt" you feel. You did not go searching for him correct? I just thought I would as you these questions since you were needing to talk. Best wishes

I'm just reading Surviving an Affair and just read today that if contact is made with OP during withdrawal, withdrawal phase starts all over again. So I think what you are going through is natural - so don't beat yourself up over this.

I think Neesha has some valid points, though. Do a tough examination of your soul to see if you are having EN met by your husband.

Also, I forget but did you send a NC letter or not? Maybe now would be a good time to do one of those.

Hang in there.

dazed is right. It's part of the addiction. Think of it as a smoking addiction. You stop, you're so proud of yourself, you're enjoying the taste of food again, having sweet breath, non-stinking clothes...and then someone offers you one puff and you take it. All of a sudden all the old cravings you've battled so hard to get past are right back in your mind. You didn't smoke it, you only took one little puff...and it made you sick to boot, but yet, it reawakened those old cravings. It's not that you want to take back up smoking, that's the last thing you want...but oh the memories of how it felt to take that long breath in and the release of the tension. You don't want the bad breath, or the holes in your sweater from stray burning ashes again....you're only thinking about the good side of it...not the down side.

So...sit down...think about all the negatives in your addiction. Think about all the lies. All the pain and confusion you went through. All the suffering your addiction caused others. Focus on what was negative when you "fed this habit". Think about the disrespect this man showed you and your H. Think about the harm he didn't care if he caused you. Think about how he was only thinking of himself and no one else, when he showed up on your doorstep.

It won't take you as long to get back to where you were a few days ago. Just keep thinking about all the positives that you now have in your marriage.

Just a wifey - You give WONDERFUL advice. It makes me happy you are online!!!!!

Luki thank you I am printing that out to read when I feel I need to!

Neesha OM came to the door looking for H. H was late to work after being on leave( Marine Corps) for 5 weeks.He was sent by the command to relay a messgae.

I did send out a NC letter yesterday thru the email.( its posted on I can't belive this, OM came to my HOUSE).Unbelievably he replied to it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> So that has also brought back my 'feelings'.